Reading these links, I can't believe the similarities through so many, and how some are so similar to my problem.
It kills me how easy it is to start cheating when you are "wired", and how easy it is to hide it.
It also kills me how many people are willing to get right into that kind of thing, even though they are married and/or the person they are talking to is married.
Its such a shame that so many marriages are in such trouble because of the ease of communication. It almost seems like people get into it so easy because its not "real"...but that just makes it so much easier to become real. A little flirting, a little sexting, and then the inocent lunch...
Its like people don't observe the same boundaries on line or by text that they would in person. Honestly, I find it a little cowardly- in particular the men that I know say things to my wife on line that they would never say to her face.
I hope everyone can become a little more aware on this front, and try to find a set of on line manners. I've never gone down that road on line myself, but confess to at least thinking "I wonder how X is doing...what would be the harm of looking her up and friending her?". Kind of true, but tread softly! ...and be ready to offer the same openess in these communications that you wish your spouse would offer you.
yes i agree... i found out a while back that my DH was talking to a bunch of girls online. after hours and hours of me investigating and "hacking" all his stuff, i came to the conclusion that it really was just online. but still, it's still wrong. he said it made him feel good about himself, i guess because the girls would say he was cute, sexy, etc. i was really mad b/c it's not like i don't tell him those things. i could have understood if i was fat, ugly, or even just ignored him...but c'mon, you got a good looking girl that ALWAYS wants you and you go talk to cyber hoes, i mean really. lol.
My wife got involved in texting a guy. We knew him n real life too and when we would hang out she would realize the dork/nerd/douche he really was, but for some reason the texting was addicting to her. I ALWAYS told her how hot and sexy she was and she admits that there was nothing missing form our marriage. I'm ten times the man this guy was but the virtual aspect made her brain make it up to be so much more than it really was and it was flat out addicting to her.
I totally agree with you. My husband reconnected with the woman he had an affair with through facebook. I believe completely that if he had taken the time to actually talk to me instead of "talking" to some other woman on facebook, we could have avoided the affair. But, the thrill of it was too attractive to him. Facebook just made is so super easy for him to do what he did.
You are so right especially about the BBM. My girlfriend was having sexy chats and sending naked pics of herself to guy she had had an affair with previously while she was married. All this to garner some attention and make herself feel good. All this wired activity makes doing inappropriate things so easy and seem so innocent.
It makes people believe they are anonymous. My girlfriend would say "My face was never in any of those pics I sent", like that somehow mad me feel better? Sure no one can ever prove they are her boobs on this guy's phone, but does that lessen the fact that you are sharing your private parts with someone other than your SO!
The reasoning is absurd as is the self-rationalization. It is most definitely a function of the anonymity and accessibility.