The OW is moving back to the area!

whynot · 09-22-2010, 08:22 AM

Crap. It took us well over a year to get over that OW, and it was "easier" bc she was living in another country at the time. Now, she is coming back. I dont want this to disrupt the equilibrium we have established... and by that I mean no more abuse, no more affairs. By some peoples standards we still dont have a great relationship, to others we look like the perfect couple.

His anger over losing her was so severe and I dont want a relapse into that... it would be dangerous. I know I dont have alot of info in this post, but I have alot in my previous posts about getting over her and then dealing with my own affair bc he began withholding sex as a punishment for not being able to see her again.

Anyone have advice for how to live in close proximity to your spouses other person without going crazy wondering if they are together for a quickie at lunch or if he works late is he really working or with her? This was probably the worst Facebook news I have ever heard... meaning, I found out about her return on Facebook.

notreadytoquit · 09-22-2010, 08:39 AM

I don't know your previous posts but if she is married make sure you get in touch with her husband and stay in touch in case you notice suspicious behaviour. And put a keylogger where you can on the computer(s) if you think you cannot still trust him completely. I regret for not contacting the OW H in my case as I would have found some other valuable information that might have disclosed the affair even sooner and potentially could have saved my marriage.

whynot · 09-22-2010, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notreadytoquit

I don't know your previous posts but if she is married make sure you get in touch with her husband and stay in touch in case you notice suspicious behaviour. And put a keylogger where you can on the computer(s) if you think you cannot still trust him completely. I regret for not contacting the OW H in my case as I would have found some other valuable information that might have disclosed the affair even sooner and potentially could have saved my marriage.

Not a bad, yet painfully awkward idea. The husband has the same mindset that I do... that my husband and his wife dont have any need to see each other, especially given the past sexual stuff. Actually, my husband and his wife used to talk about us being possessive and jealous instead of seeing that we saw no reason for them to see each other anymore...otherwise they should have just stayed together and let us go.

I cant contact him directly. But, if we met out socially, I could quietly say something. She may likely want us all to get together to "prove" that they can get together and its nothing. Looks can be decieving, and if they try to hard to pretend to be friends... anyway, I dont think we will ever trust them together even through email (a good part of their relationship was being "pen pals" and sharing all the details of everything going on in their lives... including details that they werent sharing with us, their spouses).

Thanks for the tip!

cb45 · 09-22-2010, 09:05 AM

whynot,

u cant stop him or anyone from cheating subtly or openly is the bottom line/plain naked truth, if they r hell bent on doing so.

all u can do (or any of us) is work on u being a better u, that can be both ATTRACTIVE to most normal folk, AND developed or STRONG enough to love and stand on their own should they discover others are not on their level of UNDERSTANDING. With Jesus i can do this.

i wish it was easier (sometimes) or love potion #9 fixable for all of us but, it isnt, so we gotta deal w/ it.

here's a song by creed that epitomizes alot of what i am saying here, not so much by words but by its music, as it marches on in vision,strength, purpose, etc.

turn on yer realplayer/mediaplayer/whatever/speakers and digg it.

here's the link:

YouTube - Creed - Higher

Twistedheart · 09-22-2010, 09:37 AM

To me it looks like the perfect challenge. If he/she goes back to that other person, it makes your decision that much easier. The marriage would be over. You would have no more doubting, no more worrying about the past, present, future. Your decision is made for you, by your spouse.

I tell my wife this. There are no more chances. She understands this. Any little resemblence of anything that smells like an affair of any kind, and it is over. I choose to be with her today because I want to. And she says the same thing.

She knows I was fully prepared to be on my own and understands that I do not need her and I understand she does not need me. We are in this for each other now.

Twistedheart · 09-22-2010, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whynot

She may likely want us all to get together to "prove" that they can get together and its nothing.

Thanks for the tip!

What??? NO WAY!! Maybe I should have dug your story up or something but in no way shape or form should this be a thought in anyone's mind. Or atleast not by someone who is serious in repairing a marriage and recovering from infidelity.