Why do some women have extramarital affairs?
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Old 09-24-2010, 10:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

This question is for women only.

When I was married, my wife cheated on me with another man. She never gave me a clear explanation as to why, but over the years after talking to men and women about relationships, I came up with 3 reasons why I feel some women have extramarital affairs:

A: She wants variety. She already has the safety and convenience of a committed relationship, and the sex is good. But she's getting bored with having sex with the same man all the time and she simply wants to have experiences with other men, without jeopardizing her current relationship.

B: The sex isn't good. Outside of bed, he's loving, compassionate, and listens to her. But in bed he's impotent, he's not good at what he does, or he doesn't want to have sex as often as she does, leaving her unfulfilled. He's a good husband and partner, but not a good lover.

C: The sex IS good, but there's no emotional bonding. In bed, he knows what to say and do to cause her to feel sweet sensations all over. But outside of bed he's cold, demeaning and inconsiderate of her feelings. He's a good lover, but not a good husband and partner.

I know this doesn't cover every possible reason why a woman would have an extramarital affair, but based on my experience from talking to others, I find these are the most common.

Ladies, I'm asking if you would arrange these in order from most common to least common (example: BCA, or ACB, etc.), based on your personal views and talks you've had with other women. Feel free to add in other <popular> reasons that I might not be aware of. Thanks.
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Old 09-24-2010, 04:23 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

Not a woman, but...

What my psychologist told me was that the majority of people, men and women, cheat because of the reasons in the second half of C ("cold, demeaning and inconsiderate of her[his] feelings". The emotional bonding is broken.

Yes, there are people who cheat because of sex, but that isn't the majority. The emotional cheating may end up as a physical affair, but it's the emotional part that usually starts the ball rolling.

But I'll let some of the ladies voice their opinions.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

I've never had an affair but I would have to say C,B,A.

C is what is applying to me right now in my marriage. B doesn't apply in my current situation but I can see where it could be a problem. I think A is in the minority but definitely does happen.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

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Yes, there are people who cheat because of sex, but that isn't the majority. The emotional cheating may end up as a physical affair, but it's the emotional part that usually starts the ball rolling.

But I'll let some of the ladies voice their opinions.
yes, this is why my wife had an affair.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

I personally don't know any women who have wanted something different in the sex department so they set out to find a lover on the side. In all cases I know of personally, it was due to feeling undervalued as a woman...

Either the husband was too focused on work and hobbies leaving very little time left to invest in the marriage (feeling low on the priority list),

or the wife felt her role changed from his wife to his mother along the way if she didn't feel her husband took charge of work, finances, parenting, running the house, etc. & demanded attention but did not offer much in the way of emotional support in return (lost respect for him)

or in some cases, there were specific events that built up resentment such as not being there for her when she suffered a great loss (of a parent, etc.) or worried about a medical issue, or made negative comments about her appearance. (harbors resentment)

All of these are related to an emotional disconnect from her husband and when a man comes along and gives her the attention, validates her as a woman, it can snowball from there.
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Old 09-24-2010, 08:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

Swedish is dead on. Also he is selfish and cares nothing for her needs and feelings, as long as he gets his way. After all it's all about him, isn't it?
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Old 09-24-2010, 10:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

Thanks everyone for responding. I just needed another's perspective on this.
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Old 09-25-2010, 09:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

All 3 of your 'potential' answers tend to surround sex. Sex in most cases for women has very little to do with it. It tends to be a mixture of:

*areas where we as men stop meeting their needs in different areas (if we ever had met them properly at all),
*we stop paying as much attention to our wives
*we are doing what can be called "love extinguishers", i.e. things that infuriate or frustrate our wives


and into this situation comes a co-worker/friend/old aqcuatinace/old boyfriend either in person or through facebook or some other means who pays attention to them, who isn't in their daily lives and so isn't commiting those love extinguishers, who does compliment and make them feel a rush. Things build from there and progressively grow through steps into an affair.

That is the basic pattern that most female cheaters go through.
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Old 04-13-2012, 09:26 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

It's because she doesn't feel hot enough, bothered enough or enough into you. It's sad but it's true. She masturbates over situations that don't involve you.. turns into realities that don't involve you. Do you do the dishes from time to time? do you tell her she is pretty and hot and yummy with no real motive? Those are the kinds of things a woman needs. If you don't provide them and she stops feeling sexy and hot, you will be physically replaced. Thems the facts, Jack.
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Old 04-13-2012, 09:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevin32 View Post
This question is for women only.

When I was married, my wife cheated on me with another man. She never gave me a clear explanation as to why, but over the years after talking to men and women about relationships, I came up with 3 reasons why I feel some women have extramarital affairs:

A: She wants variety. She already has the safety and convenience of a committed relationship, and the sex is good. But she's getting bored with having sex with the same man all the time and she simply wants to have experiences with other men, without jeopardizing her current relationship.

B: The sex isn't good. Outside of bed, he's loving, compassionate, and listens to her. But in bed he's impotent, he's not good at what he does, or he doesn't want to have sex as often as she does, leaving her unfulfilled. He's a good husband and partner, but not a good lover.

C: The sex IS good, but there's no emotional bonding. In bed, he knows what to say and do to cause her to feel sweet sensations all over. But outside of bed he's cold, demeaning and inconsiderate of her feelings. He's a good lover, but not a good husband and partner.

I know this doesn't cover every possible reason why a woman would have an extramarital affair, but based on my experience from talking to others, I find these are the most common.

Ladies, I'm asking if you would arrange these in order from most common to least common (example: BCA, or ACB, etc.), based on your personal views and talks you've had with other women. Feel free to add in other <popular> reasons that I might not be aware of. Thanks.
C;B;A
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Old 04-13-2012, 10:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

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Originally Posted by electricHowl2 View Post
It's because she doesn't feel hot enough, bothered enough or enough into you. It's sad but it's true. She masturbates over situations that don't involve you.. turns into realities that don't involve you. Do you do the dishes from time to time? do you tell her she is pretty and hot and yummy with no real motive? Those are the kinds of things a woman needs. If you don't provide them and she stops feeling sexy and hot, you will be physically replaced. Thems the facts, Jack.
Umm, I don't agree with this assessment. I spent four hours a week cleaning the house for over twenty years (which translates into about 166 continuous days of housecleaning) and she cheated on me anyway.

I ironed my own clothes, cooked Sunday dinners, did the yardwork and made four times the salary that she did -- but she cheated on me anyway.

I thought that she didn't like sex so I put my needs second to hers since there was more to marriage than sex -- but she cheated on me anyway. In fact, she told one of her lovers that she feared that she was becoming an insatiable nymphomaniac.

So excuse for not buying into the whole helping around the house to keep your wife happy. Read 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' and you'll see why this doesn't work.
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Old 04-13-2012, 10:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

No affair can happen if there isn't a crossing of marital boundaries. The late Dr Shirley Glass PhD, author of the book titled Not Just Friends, studied thousands of cases of infidelity and found that even happily married people were not immune to falling into an affair if they gradually crossed marital boundaries.
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Old 04-13-2012, 10:50 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

Quote:
Originally Posted by electricHowl2 View Post
It's because she doesn't feel hot enough, bothered enough or enough into you. It's sad but it's true. She masturbates over situations that don't involve you.. turns into realities that don't involve you.
True. It's biological. Some women can handle the urge, others start giving in. Brain on Sex chemistry sends them on a crack-like high and you're off to the races.

Quote:
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Do you do the dishes from time to time?
Nope. I never did the dishes for any of the girls I dated and I never heard of an OM coming over to do the dishes.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

Attention, lack of
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:07 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why do some women have extramarital affairs?

I'm trying to figure this out for myself, but if I had to choose one of the 3, I would say A.

I've been trying to figure out what I did, my affair was very short. My husband was attentive and amazing. I can't really complain. I WISH I could say it was B or C, but I think i'm an A...sadly
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