Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

needing to understand and move forward

42K views 243 replies 47 participants last post by  cool12 
#1 ·
I am having a horrible time understanding my situation, coping, and getting my life back together, and moving forward after finding out about affair my wife has had and currently ongoing for almost 2 years.

I have cried, gotten angry, tried to leave, tried to save marriage, gone numb and tried to ignore, I've tried to show how much I want and love my wife to only be shut down fail and be told I'm not trying.

I know I've tried obvious things and easily seen to simply trying to pull myself back together and even just help more to lighten her load since she says she does it all and is the only one on this marriage.

Now I have done things wrong and bad and horrible ( horrible to her I don't see them that bad but pretty bad) and I try to take responsibility for my actions and my doings.

What I'm going crazy over is really understanding what she needs and wants from me to end this affair and truly give us a chance. She has tried many things to show me she wants to save us buy a lot of them time she continues the affair or at least talk to the guy while trying. That doesn't make sense when it kills me so much she's even talking to him but to her that should t matter I should t
Still be able to be there for her and show her my love, be there for her, support her, and do those little things like your looking sexy, surprise her and comfort her when she's breaking down even if it mainly about or related to the other person.

I've been trying so hard to do what she asks of me and wants but I always seem yo fail or not do enough or simply crash trying to the point of I'm so exhausted emotionally and physically it makes everything worse and my self even more confused.

Does anyone have any ideas on where to start from here or what I can do or simple to help me start understanding. A

Anymore information needed or questions please ask
Posted via Mobile Device
 
See less See more
#241 ·
So i appriciate everyones help and i do understand not wanting to continue reading/posting.

I do have to say all has helped and venting and getting feed back here has helped alot and i know that my thinking and life is a complete crazy mess and no where near getting fixed.

I have alot going on and alot of figuring out and changing and mess to clean up. Never the less I have not yet found what will clear up the thinking and confusion i have. Everyone has given great information and great platform to start from and i am thankful for that. I come here for clarity on thinking i have and insight on what my other half is saying and doing. No one can make choices for me or tell me what to do and the mess i am in is atleast 50% my fault because i have allowed it to continue.

WIth that said and all of your posts and input it is now my time to use and move forward with all i have learned in a path that is best for me to be happy and for my family even if thats getting a divorce, getting custody of my daughter, or staying. I have to decide what i will do and what it will take to get me and family to what it should be.

I will check in on any new posts from people and respond if asked questions. Never the less i will post more when i have decisions and plans layed out for myself. The changes for my wants and needs are already in motion but have alot of fine tuning to do and questions still left to be answered.

Thank you again to everyone.
 
#242 ·
"Never the less i will post more when i have decisions and plans layed out for myself."

jarhead,

I think this is the thing that has so many others frustrated and upset, triggering off of you posts back to their own painful experiences.

What I mean is that you have so far done ABSOLUTELY nothing to create a way forward for yourself out of this disgusting mess, despite all the great advice from others here.

In addition, if I understand your situation correctly, you have even managed to lose the active support of friends/family IRL because of your inability to actually MAKE and follow through on a plan at all.

The reason people are giving up is because it is too painful for them to watch this any longer.

You are on the fast-track towards completely destroying your future life and happiness because you don't want to make any hard choices.
 
#243 ·
I can completely and whole hartedly agree and understand what you are saying. I seen it myself and beat myself up day in and day out for not changing things or when I do change things well should say attempt to. I give in or up so easily. That is something on myself I can no stand.

I want to state this as in no way am I giving excuses or writing it off as OK for myself. I have ADHD and up till two days ago o ignored the fact I did and Twp days ago I fully realized and felt the effects of it. And is why I'm now able to address a start and don't intends to drag anyone into listening to my attempts and fails until I have something concrete to say.

In my hope that me fixing my handle on myself of move along the process of what needs to happen with relationships I have all around me. Give me the base o need to not continue the pattern of doing nothing everyone sees and I myself see.

Onfe again want to say ADHD does not give an excuse or make it ok

Posted via Topify on Android
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top