Thanks 'nuf. My WW was a bit different in her approach than most stories I see here. Hers wasn't exactly an exit affair...she had an affair for 8 or 9 months (that I know of). The affair ended before I found out - and she left because the guilt was eating her alive, and she knew I would never forgive her for what she did.
She accused me of cheating for our entire 16 year relationship (I never did). I could not, no matter what I did or didn't do, put her fears aside. She left me, and didn't say why. 3 days later I FINALLY opened my eyes and asked if there was another man - I approached it gently because I didn't want to scare her off and never find out. Her actual response was "does it matter?". Does it matter. Does it matter if I cheated on you, after I spent 16 years accusing you of cheating on me. DOES IT MATTER.
She said she thought over and over for ways to make it work, but knew I was "the kind of man that would never forgive her for it". Of course I thought I could, or needed to try. I remember once, after we'd been separated for a week or 2, I texted her "I will fight". She replied "You will lose". Damn, that was heavy.
She spent the 10 weeks of our false R in utter fear of me leaving her. She held on so tight, she saw I was trying to forgive her, and thought for a moment I could, after I comforted her that time after I slept with another woman. She begged and begged me to keep fighting, but said she knew I always had 1 foot out the door, which I did. The first time I came home after I decided I couldn't continue, I looked at her and shook my head. She lost it and literally physically pinned me down and yelled at me that I had to keep fighting for us. I relented only because I felt trapped. A few days later I texted her saying I wasn't coming home, that this time I really was ending it. She begged for hours, tracked me down and physically accosted me, trying to prevent me from leaving. I had to pin her down and threaten to call the police. Only then did she relent, and said "I had to fight". That was the end.
Painful reliving that.