Re: Is my wife having an emotional affair.
My STBXW's last affair was with a lesbian, so maybe I can help. All along she insisted she was "just a good friend", but my gut told me otherwise. I even bluntly asked her at the time if she was involved with her lesbian friend, and she lied to my face.
So, my first question is: Has your wife ever introduced you to her? I was never introduced to this good "friend" of hers. She never talked to her on the phone when I was around, only texted and sent FB messages. This was out of character when it came to talking and interacting with all of her other normal friends. I personally knew them all, and most had come to our house while I was there. Not so with the lesbian lover.
Second question: Does your wife delete texts and messages from this lesbian friend? Does it seem she is trying to hide the extent of their relationship?
Third question: Has your wife ever shown sexual interest in other women, even inadvertently?
Finally, does your wife tell any of her other friends "I love you"?
"I love you" is not the same as "Luv ya" or "Hugs" or similar girlfriend speak.
I would say you need more evidence. I didn't catch my WW until I put a VAR under her car seat and listened to the conversations they were having in her car. It really helped that my WW was using hands-free mode...so I could hear both sides of the conversation. So, your first order of business is to become a PI:
1.) Put a VAR in her car, and in a room where she may talk on the phone a lot. They are not expensive, and can be found at Best Buy, Radio Shack, etc.
2.) Keylogger on the computer.
3.) GPS tracker, either on her phone or get a separate unit. I bought a cheap one from Brickhouse. It wasn't real-time, but I could retrieve the unit from her car, download it onto my computer, and see where she had been driving. It ran on batteries, and was activated by the motion of the car. It had a magnet that conveniently attached to the bottom of the car seat. My wife had been spending a lot of time at her lesbian lovers apartment, all the while claiming to be other places (shopping, etc.)
4.) Check her text/call logs on her phone. Are they constantly calling and texting each other? Is your wife deleting evidence?
Do not confront your wife on this matter until you have irrefutable evidence. And never reveal your sources!