10 months into Dday, R is going ok she is doing the right things but I am so stuck on limbo...sometimes want to stay other times want to file for D, varies thru the day.....
this just sucks, how do others deal with this? anything helps.....
Quite likely one of the reasons she had an affair was that she had too much free time.
Get her busy. Make her find a full time job as a nurse. Nurses get paid well. That should offset any alimony you need to pay.
If she made more money than you, you should ask her to pay you alimony. Dont forget you contribute to her education, so you go and claim against her income.
I am bit concerned who she is crying for. Is she crying for herself, for the life she lost, for what she did to her husband ?
CBT, you are very sure that the affair is dead now but I wouldn't be as sure when the scumbag OM comes out of the jail. is there any chance that she could be holding a candle inside her and will resume it when he contacts her again and gives her some sob story...
The tests, she seems pretty sure what she is doing to CBT.
Another thread from this same poster and again everybody going to the same direction.
WW is remorseful, it's genuine. She keeps proving it after all this time. Lets stop saying otherwise when even OP agrees with it.
I highly doubt OP believes she's not as honest now -actually since she snapped of "it" - as she was when she wrote the hurtful things she said then. He doesn't doubt her love, her commitment, he even believes she won't cheat again, he just posted a new letter which many betrayed spouses would give the right nut for, after all that time... she keeps fighting. This is not the issue here.
What happens is remorse doesn't mean the betrayed spouse can cope nor need to cope with it. He states clearly what his problem is; it's not he doesnt believe she's remorseful, that she doesn't love him, the mind movies, the Plan B" thing... he can't cope with the betrayal. And she can't undo it.
What happens is remorse doesn't mean the betrayed spouse can cope nor need to cope with it. He states clearly what his problem is; it's not he doesnt believe she's remorseful, that she doesn't love him, the mind movies, the Plan B" thing... he can't cope with the betrayal. And she can't undo it.
spot on man.....the fact that she went to the scumbags apartment to get laid while I was sitting home working and watching the kiddos....what else do i need to keep me from coping???
Have you been reading Acoa's thread? I think that Acoa absolutely should divorce his WW for his own well being. Her cheating was a game. She didn't even love the OM (how many were there?). I'll bet that if she had been forced to chose among her husband and the OM, that only one man could live and the others had to die, she would have saved her husband. She loved him all along, but she did not respect him and for that R is impossible.
Acoa sees it so clearly.
Your situation is different. Your wife's liminal being hijacked her heart but after a time her love for you reemerged. She does not seem to want you just because divorce is inconvenient: she wants you. That is not so bad, really.
But what she did may be too much. And if it is you have to get out.
I think you should tell your wife:
Honey (or whatever you call her), I think you know that I am really struggling to accept what has happened. Sometimes I feel that divorce is the only way I can survive. I know you know how I am feeling. We are in a kind of limbo. If the limbo is too painful for you, tell me and we'll divorce.
I also want you to know that I know you've been trying. I appreciate it. Don't stop. We deserve a break from all our worry. Let's get a baby sitter go to a movie and grab a bit to eat afterwards.
You said that you respect your wife (can remember on which thread). That means a lot. She fvcked up big time but she is not a wallowing in irresponsibility.
The fear of what your wife would do to you in divorce is a factor that is blocking your acceptance of her. Why not tell her this? Wondering how terrible divorce would be for you is hurting you. How does she see it?
Is your wife happier and nicer after you bang her? Keep doing it.
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