So I found this site a couple years ago and it was instrumental in opening my eyes to why my wife of 4 years wanted "space".
I had given her the space while in the home with her and our two kids. It wasn't good enough so I opted to move out about 5 months ago. She has said she doesn't want to R at this point but hasn't filed for divorce either.
Over the last 2 years I've done everything in my power to show my commitment to her and the family, as a Christian man. The separation was not intended for us to date.
Long story short though I've had my suspicions obviously, I confirmed she is sleeping with another man. All the while she's been extremely easy to get along with and has actually been inviting me over for family dinners etc.
With this specific information what do I do? I really want my family together but know I don't deserve this behavior not to mention how do I trust again?
Sorry if I left info out didn't want to be too long winded.
I'm not interested in moving back in. I don't want the home and quite honestly it would be more difficult on the kids. Currently I can't afford the home on my income.
Nothing to report. Been caught up in the day to day. My focus has been the kids, enjoying my time with them, and work. I have not made a move as of yet.
Do what you feel is right for your individual situation. No one can really tell you what that should be. The only thing that can be done is to five advice based on the info you provided.
D will take energy and conviction. If you don't have those right now then going ahead with the D will add needless stress to your life. There will be a time when you are ready to move. Maybe it's now, maybe not.
I guess it depends on how you handle it. YOU asking HER to reconcile is a big fail. I have NEVER seen a couple work out when the betrayed asks the wayward to come back. Psychologically speaking, it ruins the marriage. Regarding trust, it must be HER moving mountains to regain your trust.
You seem to keep thinking that you haven’t offered reconciliation. You have, you have waited two years for her to work on issues with you. Formally asking her at this point is useless and will be treated by her like a joke.
Your not filing as an ultimatum. You would file because the situation is not acceptable as a part of YOUR life. Your non action only reinforces in her head what she is doing is acceptable and has no consequences. It is hard, no one here ever said any of this is easy. How have the last two years of your life been like? Have you enjoyed them?
Once paperwork is filed and the legal process the entire situation takes on a different life. She may be relieved you finally did it and give you an easy divorce. She may finally look at her life and say maybe I made some poor decisions. Maybe she will turn just plain evil. Point being is you cant be concerned about her reaction. That isn’t your problem. Until there is any accountability from both of you. You have basically told her for a long time this is perfectly acceptable and you must be content since you endure this.
It sucks, its not fun, it will be one the harder things you will ever do and at the end of it and the dust settles you will probably tell yourself it was the best decision you made once you start to get your life back.
Check on line and see if you can dowload a divorce packet for your state. If not you can probably pick one up at your county courthouse. Even if you go this route you need to have it looked over by a professional.
Look as though you are still wearing your sensitive pants. Glad to know you didn't throw them out.
But I will restrict my comments to what's actually helpful to the op. I invite you to pm me if have anything else, because I want him to be able to get the help he came here for, and not turn this into a tunera vs empty pissing match.
Thanks Empty and Turnera for being so engaged in my personal story it doesn't go unnoticed.
It confirms the fact that the folks here are absolutely here to help and actually care about the strangers that come looking for strength and encouragement.
I know it has and will continue to be an extremely important part of life moving forward.
So during kid swap yesterday it was like I finally looked at my wife differently. I saw the person she is now who has lied, schemed, and broken apart the family. I didn't look past those truths like usual. She isn't who I fell in love with anymore. Your realistic advice is sinking in.
This is by far the most positive post I have read in a while now!!!
I am sorry that the pedestal is now being eroded away and you are beginning to see her at eye level for who she really has become, I am even more sorry that it has taken you two years of basically being put on hold before you found us and the strength to move on.
Chin up friend.
This is by no means the end of your story but just the beginning of a new chapter
So just a little progress report. Too much going on to get to a paralegal, but she's surely getting a taste of what it's gonna be like without me. With my full pull back on communication other than the kids, she's reaching out more than ever.
Asking how my day was, opening up big time trying to stay connected, and basically trying to stay all up in my business. I have to admit it feels extremely good to be in control for once!
Don't bother engaging her in any communication other than that about kids. Treat her like she doesn't exist in your world. When you needed her, she shunned you. Remember that. You are not her lapdog to jump up and down at her beck and call.
Haven't confronted her yet...and I haven't declared anything, figure I'll let my actions (non-actions) speak louder than words. Mostly staying focused on the fact I got off the emotional roller coaster.
Wouldn't it be great if you could have her served WHILE she was "on vacation". AND have the person who serves wearing a hidden cam...
THAT would be a great picture for the ol' scrap book.
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