Well, unfortunately, the marriage is over. At counseling, on Tuesday, wife showed me e-mails she had received a month BEFORE her affair, with another guy, on line. Some of them were pretty emotional. He told her that he didn't care if she couldn't have kids, and that he loved her the way she is. She responded that her H (ME!!) was "pressuring ", her to have a family and that "she didn't know if we would stay together". Would it be possible for them to meet? She swears that they didn't, but I don't believe a word she says. She showed me the last ones, saying that she would not be talking to him again, as we were re-connecting. I f88king blew up. I'm done with her and all of her lies. So she NOW says that this is everything. She's told me that same thing 3 times before. I called my lawyer and re-started the paperwork, kicked her out and am not going to take her back, again. I would like to thank all of the posters, who have tried to help, but this is not going to get any better, and I finally have made up my mind . It isn't worth the effort and the pain , if the cheater continues to lie and deceive.
Good move. Working things out post affair only works if you have someone who is worth it and willing to put in the work. Sorry to hear about this. Just get your affairs and order and chalk it up as a lesson learned.
Good move. Working things out post affair only works if you have someone who is worth it and willing to put in the work. Sorry to hear about this. Just get your affairs and order and chalk it up as a lesson learned.
Thaks, BM, and that is exactly what I'm doing. I rented a storage garage, and have spent the day, boxing up her stuff, to take there. I changed my cell phone number and have blocked her from my PC, FB, , texting, E-mails, the whole business. I'm done with her. I may even go to the Bar, tonight and get loaded. Hey, I'm a single guy, so I can do anything I want. BTW, I also thanked the counselor, but told her I wouldn't be back.
I feel for you Dow. Men do know when the end has come and there’s absolutely no going back. I think we have “rules” or boundaries in our subconscious that we’re not fully aware of until things like this happen. Once those rules/boundaries have been crossed they leap right into our consciousness. Then when we give them a chance, hey it’s only once right?, and they go and break that rule again and again then they’re out. You gave your wife a fair go, a very fair go man.
When our rules/boundaries are broken a few times it is truly painful, sometimes way beyond our imagination. I reckon you’re going to grieve what was and what might have been. It will be good for you to look up the grieving process so you know what’s ahead of you.
Couldn't agree more AFEH. I'm all for second chances, but I feel there has to be limits if someone shows no remorse and doesn't appear willing to change. A lot of the advice on this board tends to suggest numerous chances until the spouse snaps out of it, but I just don't feel that is natural. Staying with a habitual cheater is just as abusive to yourself as a woman staying with a man who beats her. At some point you have to begin looking out for your own health and sanity.
Enjoy the single life Dow. Be sure you don't take it out on the next one.
Couldn't agree more AFEH. I'm all for second chances, but I feel there has to be limits if someone shows no remorse and doesn't appear willing to change. A lot of the advice on this board tends to suggest numerous chances until the spouse snaps out of it, but I just don't feel that is natural. Staying with a habitual cheater is just as abusive to yourself as a woman staying with a man who beats her. At some point you have to begin looking out for your own health and sanity.
Enjoy the single life Dow. Be sure you don't take it out on the next one.
Yup. That sort of advice, if he follows it, just weakens the man. Makes him look and feel all lovey dovey. There may come a time for that but that’s when the affairs dead in the water and all the truth is out.
Dow, your wife brain is wired like some other females brains. It say's "primary male is not stable, must find backup male, ASAP to take care of me, at all cost" So what this is that they always have 2 males going, one primary, and one just in case (backup). What they do is they always have one that is a "good friend" so they can have a place to stay, and a place to start a new love just in case. I thing you wife fits this mold very well. You can look back at her life and probably see this. I think it's sick how they think like this. "were just good friends" hint hint !!!!!
Well, unfortunately, the marriage is over. At counseling, on Tuesday, wife showed me e-mails she had received a month BEFORE her affair, with another guy, on line. Some of them were pretty emotional. He told her that he didn't care if she couldn't have kids, and that he loved her the way she is. She responded that her H (ME!!) was "pressuring ", her to have a family and that "she didn't know if we would stay together". Would it be possible for them to meet? She swears that they didn't, but I don't believe a word she says. She showed me the last ones, saying that she would not be talking to him again, as we were re-connecting. I f88king blew up. I'm done with her and all of her lies. So she NOW says that this is everything. She's told me that same thing 3 times before. I called my lawyer and re-started the paperwork, kicked her out and am not going to take her back, again. I would like to thank all of the posters, who have tried to help, but this is not going to get any better, and I finally have made up my mind . It isn't worth the effort and the pain , if the cheater continues to lie and deceive.
Dowjones , I think in your last thread you said everything was getting better & she had true remorse , what happened suddenly ? Anyways I hope things will get better for you .
This is unfortunate. I followed your story bud and it sounded like the right things were being done by her to mend your problems. But you set your rules from the getgo and she had her chance to get it all out. If you want to wash your hands then by all means go ahead man. There's probably more then what you've gotten still. I don't blame you.
ps....in hindsight, you shoulda gone to Vegas Posted via Mobile Device
This is unfortunate. I followed your story bud and it sounded like the right things were being done by her to mend your problems. But you set your rules from the getgo and she had her chance to get it all out. If you want to wash your hands then by all means go ahead man. There's probably more then what you've gotten still. I don't blame you.
ps....in hindsight, you shoulda gone to Vegas Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, I should have!!!! I could have had a way better time there, than trying to "reconnect", with a liar. I think I was very fair, maybe too fair. I told her and told her that I wanted the COMPLETE truth, but she never seemed to understand, or didn't want to understand, or didn't care either way. So now she can lie to someone else. Oh, yes, the tears and begging have already started. She called my mom and dad several times and her family and friends have tried to call me, but since I've a new number, THEY CAN'T REACH ME, Her Dad came to my place yesterday, to talk "man to man", but I told him what happened, and he left. BTW, I'll keep everybody posted about the new and improved Dowjones, and BM I definitely won't treat the next Lady badly, because of my STBEXW. I will find a better one, who i CAN trust. Until then, I'll have some fun!
I honestly think “some” women just don’t understand man’s ability to forgive and move on. And I think that’s because these women don’t have that ability to forgive. It’s just not within them It’s like a turtle trying to understand the world of an elephant, or something.
I reckon your wife thought that if she told you everything up front, you would no longer love her and that would be the end of her marriage. So she trickled the truth out. And she let more truth out with the new MC as part of that trickle of truth and it was probably she thought a “safe” place to do so. Looks like she’s used the MCs somewhat in this regard as she hasn’t been “brave” enough to tell you the truth off her own bat. Or whatever her reason was.
They just don’t see it but it is a “massive” deception compounded over and again by more and more lies, denial and blaming. But it’s the way some women handle conflict, it’s dysfunctional and unhealthy. And all of that is on top of the affairs. It’s mind boggling.
We can normally handle the truth of the affair, the original offence and deception. It’s very painful but we can handle it and get through it. But everything else that follows? The lies denial and blaming, who can do that I wonder. Who’d want to do that once we’ve discovered how easily we were deceived and how readily they lied to us and blamed us for their actions.
Dow, you can now walk away, knowing that you did your part, your best to make it work. She has failed, not you and now she will pay the price.
I feel sorry for the next guy/guys!
Dow, you can now walk away, knowing that you did your part, your best to make it work. She has failed, not you and now she will pay the price.
I feel sorry for the next guy/guys!
I do to. She is really good and had me fooled for quite a while. But I'll be back to talk to you guys and gals from time to time. Maybe my story will help others? It would be nice if that were true.
Big fight......trickle truth 
with the others. Its time to move on. Steel yourself for the begging and pleading.
Yes, I should have!!!! I could have had a way better time there, than trying to "reconnect", with a liar. I think I was very fair, maybe too fair. I told her and told her that I wanted the COMPLETE truth, but she never seemed to understand, or didn't want to understand, or didn't care either way. So now she can lie to someone else. Oh, yes, the tears and begging have already started. She called my mom and dad several times and her family and friends have tried to call me, but since I've a new number, THEY CAN'T REACH ME,
Her Dad came to my place yesterday, to talk "man to man", but I told him what happened, and he left. BTW, I'll keep everybody posted about the new and improved Dowjones, and BM I definitely won't treat the next Lady badly, because of my STBEXW. I will find a better one, who i CAN trust. Until then, I'll have some fun!
