We've had a setback. Things have been going so well. We've never been closer-- not even when we were dating or newlyweds. Apparently, TOM has been bragging about what happened between us and word has gotten out. It's pretty tough on us. It's so difficult, because he (my hubby) had come to a point of acceptance and forgiveness and the rumors have unearthed a lot of resentment. I've never told anyone about his addiction problems and what it brought to our marriage. I'm getting the brunt of everything right now (which in a lot of ways I guess I deserve). It's just so frustrating that we're doing so well together-- if the rest of the world would just leave us alone. I don't even know if I'm asking for any advice, I just needed to air things out. I guess I'm in a state of despair right now. It's tough when things are great one minute and then it feels as though the world is shattering in the next.... I even told him that he was free to go if he thought he needed space. He told me that he never wanted to be anywhere else or with anyone else. I just wish we could put the past behind us and never look back. He asks lots of questions of me, but I can't bring myself to ask questions of him. He told me, "Please, get mad! Ask me questions. You have to get it out!" I guess he's right, but unlike him, I truly don't want to know. I'm happy just looking at the chance for a new start. I don't want to be able to picture anything in my mind. I guess I just want to put it all behind me. It's so unfortunate that people take such pleasure in discussing the misfortune in the lives of others. I guess because I've never thrived on gossip, I don't understand the draw. If there's anyone on this board who enjoys this sort of thing, please know what you could be doing to someone else's life. I know we'll get through this and tomorrow will probably be a lot better, but it sure would be a lot easier without the intrusion of others.
hi, reading your email. your in what they call " ive got my life, and you got yours, but if im not happy then you wont b happy either" group.
i hope that makes sense.
there wil always be some sad person that cant have what you got, its called resentment and jealousy.
they wil never have that something of what you have , so they try and take it away from you.
best thing here is to separate yourselves from the resentment group. stay away from them. well thats what i did.
my situation is prob different to you.
2 of my current hubbys' friends in the past actually did there best to split us up. and when we were split , they kept my hubby away from me. unfortunately for him , hes a follower not a leader, but fortunately for me im the leader not the follower and im a fighter.
they lost. he has no contact with them what so ever. but it was a hard process at the time.
my recent quest on the emotion rollercoaster was in april 08 my hubby had a one night stand, aided by the 2nd friend. ( he lost too)
i found out information about what happened in the events leading to the night and concluded that 2 x 2 makes 4. meaning i had facts.
i even had the chance to find out all the details. but im actually agreeing with you. you dont need to know.
forget them in order to move on or you might not continue to forgive. as you will never forget n e way and thats a hard enough mission in its self.
your right , you wont have mental picts. you dont need them. i stopped myself short of the rest of the details. i had enough information that was damaging enough.
but there has to be a point where he has to stop himself asking the questions , so that he moves forward too.
as long as you feel you have both said enough about what happened. then let it go.
your actually a very strong person.
i admit to liking gossip, but only in a way - someone leaving work . things like that. i would never do n e thing damaging to others.
gossip gets ppl in to trouble - so tell them to mind their own business. unfortunately i do .
Just as I suspected, today's a new day and things are better. Thanks for being real, Justean. I'm not so angry at people for listening to gossip as I am that anyone would ever think they're above anything or better than anyone else. Yeah, I royally screwed up. So did he. Just because other people mess up in different ways doesn't make them any better than me. I'm certainly no better than them. It's high time people drop that attitude. We may not agree with someone else's lifestyle, but we have no right to judge anyone and honestly, if I do have a problem, I confront that person. It's pretty cowardly to talk about someone behind their back. What a cop out! If anything, I'm much more guarded and much less naive. My trust level has plummeted. I'll talk to people on a very basic level and only trust when they've earned it completely. I'll be glad to help anyone with their problems and talk with them. However, I'll be very guarded about sharing my own personal problems. My problems will remain just that---- personal!
i liked your mail, you sound like me. but your real to.
look at what you have said to me again. your very strong. ok you have issues, tell me someone that doesnt .
think of it this way i bet they just have nothing else better to talk about. there own lives lack probably your gaining from your situation.
an example if i may - my hubby had a one night stand in april 08. but the issue here is , his mate who encouraged my really paraletic drunk hubby to go with this girl was actually gettin married 6 weeks later ( what a mate). i asure you although not in a blissful situation even prior to getin married, he hated my husband and i with the life that he had. he couldnt have me. so what was his next option , to wrap my hubby ( wally) around his every word and do his worst.
yes we split up for a while. but we are sorting things through.
i dont believe your trust level has plummeted.
you just get wise to others ppls antics. and as you know there really are some horrible ppl out there.
ppl can do the most bizarre things for the most bizarre of notions.
i.e this is not the first time i have had my hubbys mates try to split us up.
talking to ppl on a basic level is what we all should learn.
my mate in the 2 1/2 yrs of me knowing her has only just in the last 6 months given me details on her life.she sussed me out along time ago, but she stayed guarded. but thats my mate. fine by me.
but you know what, i know i can trust her.
how many ppl do you want to give your trust to.
mine is only given to a handful of mates and family. isnt that enough?
Hi mommy22...sorry to hear of your setback, but as you have said, you are closer now than ever and the more you talk and work through these feelings now, the better you both will be going forward. If TOM feels the need to brag, I'm sure he's going through some sort of turmoil himself and trying to deal with it in whatever way he needs to. It is unfortunate that he is hurting you and your husband in the process, but I guess it can serve to reinforce for you that he was not that great of a guy afterall. Keep your spirits up and be proud of how strong you both are when you are working together
setback
Re: setback
