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What type of man chases married woman?

82K views 319 replies 84 participants last post by  aine 
#1 ·
So here's my question. Why would a beautiful woman with a family and a financially secure life date a guy who's wife claims he always try's to start relationships with married woman.

The other part is my wife for 25 years ripped into woman who had affairs, she also said men who chase married woman are the scum of the earth. But in her case where she believed she gave him the "look" it was ok to have an affair, and then even after he admitted it was he who started it, she believes that he is a better, deeper, has more soul, sweeter and kinder man than me. The scary thing is all of his friends and colleagues who know that he runs religious tours in Israel, seem to condone his affair with my wife. And those that don't he covers it up by making like he rescued her from a horrific life with me.

Ladies men who pursue married woman are sick, they have a desire to get what is not there's, they WILL CHEAT on you too eventually ....
 
#52 ·
Well it's one thing if you and your wife are calling but I'm thinking your Rabbi can put a lot of hurt on them if he wanted - the POS gets fired or that company gets blackballed.

What your wife wants re your medications should have no, zero, zilch bearing on what you do.

See your doctor as soon as possible.
 
#55 ·
So I was on the phone with my WAW. It was about a car we own.
She said she wants an in home separation.

I said it will only work if you and your buddy are not engaged. She got really quiet and said cut it out, I said well it's like two high school kids that get pre-engaged ( she made fun of her own son when he got pre-engaged last year)

Her retort: god you are the most intrusive man I know.

I did get angry at myself, I don't want her to think I care, but would you call that question intrusive.

Her POS therapist that she was seeing said I was intrusive because I used to call her at work. My wife has a knack for grabbing onto a saying or comment and using it until it dies a slow death...
 
#57 ·
So I was on the phone with my WAW. It was about a car we own.
She said she wants an in home separation.

I said it will only work if you and your buddy are not engaged. She got really quiet and said cut it out, I said well it's like two high school kids that get pre-engaged ( she made fun of her own son when he got pre-engaged last year)
..
Don't do the In home separation. It will kill you. If she wants it, she can leave that guy, like you said. Who cares what she wants? She needs to deal with the consequences of her actions and you need to stay firm on that.
 
#58 ·
Even though my skanky XW's "Li'l Lord Lardass" has already packed his bags and headed out west, the thought did occur to me to send him an email to inform him that I had just been told that I had a case of terminal "crotch-rot" that I had summarily contracted some 4 years ago and that my skanky XW(his GF) likely had it too!

Bet that might get his jug a$$ out of his easy chair!
 
#60 ·
Your situation sounds awful and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hate to be the annoying one who says this, but let's not gender discriminate here. I think people forget women are JUST as bad, seeing married men as a challenge, especially if they have kids. They love it. Just remember men and women are no different in this aspect. What kind of PERSON wants anything to do with someone who is married? An individual with no class and no morals. You are better than this lowlife and you will find someone so much better than your cheating wife. You will be able to tell her where to shove it when she comes running back down the road.
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#61 ·
Thank you...
My wife forgets that she Fell in love with me at first site 32 years ago. Except for less hair and a few stress lines I pretty much look the same.

She keeps calling because we are trying to work with my sons school since he's heading towards an Ivy League education. Sad thing is she plans on moving to Israel right after he leaves for college!

She also always cried to my sons about how she was going to be the Nana to their children like her mother would have been had she not died so young of Breast Ca. Well what type of nana can she be 6,0000 miles away and estranged from her eldest son who is devastated by what she did the year he got engaged and graduates with his BA.

I am so sad for my boys!
 
#63 ·
Im not 100% sure why she thinks its ok in any way shape or form to continue talking to the POSOM while asking you for anything? In my situation I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I could not continue being her husband while she continued her A. I made that very clear to her as I got my feet back under me after the initial shock wore off. It was hard, but I had to be prepared to walk away and D in order to end the toxic limbo of her A. She ended up staying with her mom and dad (after I exposed) for a few weeks until she finally committed to NC and we could actually do meaningful work on assessing the damage, mourning the previous incarnation of our relationship, and starting the rebuilding process.

The way you describe the situation, she wants to live under the same roof as you and continue having her affair. That's totally unacceptable and will be really harmful to your efforts at healing/recovery. She can put the POSOM on hold for a few months while you get the Divorce process started. POSOMs **** isn't an oxygen tube or life support, she can live without it while she is your wife on paper.
 
#65 ·
I agree with you! Three times she broke it off and restarted it. A collegue of mine who is a professional bereavement coach told me that he believes the POS USED NLP on her and continues to do so.

She feels that she has every right to do what she wants. Our entire marriage if I ever gave her advice or Anything her first comment was " your not the boss of me" but truth be told, if this guy says jump she says how high and how much higher ! I am telling you she is in denial of this entire Daddy thing she is in...

She's very mentally I'll right now, but will not admit it, and the more time she is with her toxic drug addicted social worker friend and his friends the more he gets his grip on her.
 
#68 ·
Steve,

For your OWN mental and spiritual health....LET HER GO COMPLETELY!

Stop trying to figure out the whys and the future possibilities.

Kick her out IMMEDIATELY and do not talk to her about anything but D proceedings and necessary kid stuff.

You are a better man that this....why would you even want such a faithless and worthless woman ever again anyway?

She is a traitor to everything you and her built over your lives, from your kids to your daily lives and future plans.

Give her the metaphorical 'sentence' in terms of your relationship that goes with the crime of treason...kill any connection to her permanently and forever.
 
#69 ·
Steve, your POSOM is the complete nightmare of OMs!

Unattractive, without morals whatsoever, nothing to lose, everything to gain, very possibly NLP proficient (I would believe this based on where he is from), and from the "holy" land with a message for her! Wow!

Now I completely agree with the advice given by Dyokemm in that you really need to work on yourself and be ready and more than willing to lose her! Under a spell, mentally ill, she still sounds like a piece of work!

Even if you want to fight for her she has to fall, hit rock bottom and want to come to you fully remorseful.

So what you need to do is protect you and yours, while hitting him/them where it hurts most.

Lawyer up - protect wealth, assets etc - this matters to the POSOM more than anything else.

Report him far and wide - employers, customers, friends and family - make access to US citizenship as difficult as possible - this too matters to him. Blow up the affair by exposing.

Protect kids in terms of custody - demonstrate abandonment, mental instability and corruptive influence on kids by POSOM.

Do the 180 with her - only communicate on matters pertaining to exchanging kids. Work on yourself physically and mentally. Let everyone see a better you.

Divorce & dump her ASAP.

This way you possibly hit him where it hurts, make her realise what she is doing, but most of all heal and better yourself to go forward.
 
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#70 ·
Actually leaving for first meeting with lawyer now.

I feel like I am going to puke.

I never thought this day would come.

We were told by one of my sons therapists years ago that there was a troublesome dynamic in our marriage, and we both just ignored it.

I hope I can drive...I feel a Panic attack comming on...

My IC says that I cant seem to differentiate love from fear...Inother words do I love her or Fear Her...It is heart wrenching to decide.
 
#73 · (Edited)
I ported this in a another thread titled player vs husbands but I think it also apply here.



A player can only play if the wife allow it its that simple. If she wants to cheat she will cheat and it dose not matter if its a player,coworker, best friend or the mailman if your spouse is incline to cheat then they will cheat its as simple and horrible as that.


Many men think this way because to erase to hate OM and elevate him to some kind of Casanova status rather then questioning the reasoning and thinking of there SO....
 
#82 ·
I have to agree with this even though I know your kinda joking the risk reward ratio is way to unbalanced.


Reward no burdens and or responsibilities,no strings attached sex ,ego boost.


Risk destroying a marriage and family,shame and humiliation, have the stigma of being a home wrecker, STD's and last but definitely not lest the possibility of retaliation in the from of financial or physical violence how many time have we heard about OM/OW being killed by the BS.


The risk simply doses not mach the reward yet people still cheat


like I said before the mind of a cheaters is strange.
 
#89 ·
Yeah, I'm going to chip-in here...when I first found out who my wife was seeing (mere days after we separated), I went ballistic: "WTF?!? That guy is totally punching above his weight with my wife"

I'm a big 'thinker' and people say I over-analyze stuff, so, I realized what he was like, what he had/bought to the table (and to be fair, he did bring a bit)....and now I think, by my own admission, for a few years, I really didn't do then 'good husband' stuff - so I quit acting like she was always my 'Princess'.

I think, as men/husbands, its just natural: we're conditioned to think wife not ever get any other c0ck, but they do.
It's not new. it's always been that way and, now, it's even more prevalent.

I'm not excusing anyone, but that's the bottom line in this day and age.
 
#90 ·
I'm just going to anecdotally answer the original question.

Her only long-term affair partner (who she often called a POS and an ahole) based on his messages and e-mails, only cared about sex. He called her his sex toy and he bragged about his other sex toys (married woman he was cheating with). Made weird claims about how he was helping our marriage and she believed it and started echoing it back. She would tell her friends that he was helping our marriage by helping her understand what she, you know, needs. Gave her a shoulder to cry on and over time she took all of our problems to him where they were amplified and never solved because I never heard about them. She actually started taking made up problems (clearly made up, like I'm physically abusive or raped her) to him to get more sympathy. His reactions didn't seem very sympathetic to me but I guess she got something from it.

That emotional distancing, I think at least, is what truly destroyed our marriage. She kept pulling away further and further and bringing all of her sexual and emotional energy into her fantasy relationship until there was nothing left in ours.

Then after I left her the last e-mail conversation I had access to between them was her trying to start an actual relationship with him and him telling her to never speak to him again. And he told her that our marriage ending was clearly her fault. Guess it's not fun anymore once the woman is available.

I've over-analyzed this to death and reached the conclusion that I will never understand so that's what I'm working on accepting.
 
#93 ·
Hey Rusty:
Ours story was similar but different in so many ways.
We had an amazing sex life, when I look back,it was a little to amazing. I was exhausted all the time and she loved to drink. You know..:rolleyes:

Anyway what happened was the emotional toll. We had a kid with anxiety a lot of bills type A personalities, emotional and verbal abuse two ways...we almost became brother and sister except for the sex. The thing that kills me is that as long as we were intimate she had no intention of getting to the next level with him.. When I caught her on that last night in February and she ran off with the POS BECAUSE HE TOLD HER I WOULD MURDER HER that is when I believe it crossed the line.
But for starters her EA started because she was telling him every tiny little detail of our 32 years of knowing each other..down to our parents, siblings etc.and what do predators do they store this in a bank and flip it around.

Then he started the entire fantasy thing ( read more at Wife of 28 Years).

So she tells me that she is in love with me but it's different with him it's at a deeper emotional level etc..

He even told her at one point that I was a sexual deviant and pervert because of the sex life we had. Yeah well guess what buddy the night before she ran I did not tie myself to the bed...I did not make her play cowgirl.....I was actually sleeping when she tied me up! Jerko

Oh by then though he had become her emotional drug, no matter what I did no matter what I tried..she had this craving this alien in her brain convincing her that she had to talk to him!

I hope,he rots in hell.:mad:
 
#96 ·
But when her heart and mind are summarily swept away, then the vag, all too often, is the very next to go!

And if you don't believe me, try asking my rich, skanky, XW!
 
#95 ·
Well if she was used to hot sex with you and not getting it from Mr Wet Noodle, then don't expect it to last long. If she is as fit as you say she is she won't put up with a sexless relationship from him. That doesn't mean she will want you back though. That's why you need to stop engaging with her and start disengaging from her completely.
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#106 ·
Sometimes I question if the fighting and emotional abuse that she feels I caused broke her. I know that she also was controlling and mean, and as my kids stated, mom starts every fight but dad escalates them. I made her unhappy, at times I was unhappy, but I loved her.

Thing is if not for the DD1 I wonder if things would have ever gotten better at home before one of us walked.
I think a lot of the issue I am having with letting go is that I have a lot of guilt and want to show her I can and am the man she married not the man that I had been acting like.
 
#104 ·
Hey Steve, hope the morning sun finds you refreshed and invigorated! Go watch the clouds and listen to whatever you can hear. And do it every day.

I'm not sure what R is like because I left my ex on D-Day and on our one marriage counseling appointment turned out to be a simple ploy to file more false police reports against me. One day she was telling me she loved me three days later she was trying to stick me in jail and destroy my life. She nearly succeeded.

Hope things don't go that way for you.

It's hard for me to tell you what to do because my experience is mine and nobody else is going to go through these exact same things.

Stay calm, all the time. If you're worried about her filing nonsense police reports buy a digital recorder and start recording everything. Hell I record everything all the time. I record her, I record my health insurance company, I record random phone calls anytime I start to worry, I record my boss.... But in my state I can record anything I want because I know I'm recording it. Check with your lawyer to see what you can and cannot do. And once-upon-a-time someone told me that recording things can be personally useful, because when she lies to you you can go back and listen to the truth. That objective reality that really does exist, ephemerally. It does exist.

That little thing has been a godsend.

If you have joint assets get your lawyer to freeze them. I did and oohhhhh my god did it piss her off. Though it was sorta an accident. Our financial adviser called me a few days after D-Day, before the temporary protective order, one of the last times I was actually in my house, and asked me where to send the check. She was trying to cash out our entire retirement. And nearly succeeded. After I told him that we were divorcing everything froze and she no longer had access to any money at all. Hence her first lawyer, a free lawyer who represented battered women. Really? I've never hurt you or touched you that way in ten years. Never. But that's just a drop in the overflowing bucket and not worth worrying about. She can think or believe whatever she wants because reality exists.

People make their own decisions though. I mean she is going to make her own decisions and nothing you do, say, feel, or rage is going to change that. And you're going to have to hurt through it all and somehow learn to accept it. I'm still working on that. The worst is trying to learn to accept that you will never understand and can never understand. The best is realizing that you can't understand that. You are the kind of person who can't understand that. And that is wonderful.

My D has gone insanely successfully for me. But I'm, apparently, in a male-friendly state. In my state I can file at-fault, and I did. Didn't matter for custody but she bent instead of having to have to listen to the truth. With her mother there. Apparently they all think I'm delusional. They truly do. Even after I sent all the in-laws concrete proof of everything, several times. I guess it's just easier to think I'm delusional then to recognize what their daughter, niece, grand-daughter, etc.... really is.

It doesn't matter though. I know and after I accepted that and realized that I deserve better it was so easy to just move on. And it wasn't. I still have nightmares. But I wake up, I walk around outside and watch the tree branches shake. I think of my son giving me kisses and hugging me after telling me his diaper is dirty. Then I go back to sleep and I'm happy. Go figure that I'm actually happier now then I was before. I never would have thought.

Just stop talking to her. Really. Stop talking to her. If she starts talking to you turn around and walk away. Nothing she says matters anymore. Only you are giving her that power. Take it away and you'll have the power. And women respect power. Maybe not all women but in my limited experience that is the truth. Outside of work it's a struggle. Wearing the uniform and I've got chicks stealing my phone number and texting me at 3am.

Take the power back. Stop talking to her and NEVER give her the reason. File for divorce and don't talk to her about it. It's terribly hard, easier for me since at that time in my life I would have been arrested for talking to her, but god did I want to talk to her. Now I wish I never had to talk to her but we have a son.

Find some things you enjoy and start doing them. Have you ever wanted to paint? I painted my Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls a few weeks ago in oils and I hung it in my new room. It's not very good but I'm quite happy with it. Get in shape. Girls like it and you'll feel SOOO much better about yourself. Maybe you can reconnect with some old friends? I went to a fire-pit party after work today and had a few brews. Caught up with some old friends. Had some haggardly woman hit on me for thirty minutes before my friend came and rescued me.

I guess a lot of guys use their new-found energy to start working out. Everyone should so if you don't then start. Even if you can't find a friend to become your new gym rat then just go to the gym and start asking people for advice on how to use the machines. Then ask them to spot you. And start chatting. You'll meet new people and you'll find a spotting partner. Maybe you'll find someone to push you hard and you'll start enjoying your time with yourself.

As far as filing it took my lawyer four days after I told him to finally file (he was telling me to file forever). Hey everyone was telling me to file. I was just dense for awhile. It's sooo hard to move past giving someone the majority of your life and then finding out that they betrayed all of that. For a little tingle and a temporary fix. But you can't control that. You can't control any of that. You can control yourself though so be strong, be proud, stop talking to her EVER, and start focusing on yourself and your kids. Focus on the things that will matter in twenty years because she won't.

You deserve to be loved the way you love. One day you'll look back with that bewildered bemusement and you'll be happy. It's just that one day is a long ways off.

Stick around, there is a lot of help here. Don't get frustrated if some people are less helpful than others. Everyone is trying, in their own way, to help.
 
#107 · (Edited)
Hey Steve, hope the morning sun finds you refreshed and invigorated! Go watch the clouds and listen to whatever you can hear. And do it every day.

RESPONSE: I Usually wake up at about 6 AM on Saturday and contemplate what when wrong and get overwhelmed by my lonely weekend.
Then head to the GYM. Today I decided to sleep in a little and head out around 9-9:30.

I'm not sure what R is like because I left my ex on D-Day and on our one marriage counseling appointment turned out to be a simple ploy to file more false police reports against me. One day she was telling me she loved me three days later she was trying to stick me in jail and destroy my life. She nearly succeeded.

Hope things don't go that way for you.

RESPONSE: No false police reports but her and her POS have made our marital fights into abusive one sided arguments. At the attorneys yesterday I threatened that if she brings up Abuse I will drop the Colloborative Process and force litigation.r

It's hard for me to tell you what to do because my experience is mine and nobody else is going to go through these exact same things.

RESPONSE: I thank you for this, but I have a lot of guilt combined with fear.
I am 50 and worry that it's harder to start all over at this age. I also get all bent out of shape that she has a relationship and is don't. I am the one waking up lonely in our marital bed. I also question how I handled the last and final Dday. She was on the fence and I threw her into his arms and it went from EA to PA.


Stay calm, all the time. If you're worried about her filing nonsense police reports buy a digital recorder and start recording everything. Hell I record everything all the time. I record her, I record my health insurance company, I record random phone calls anytime I start to worry, I record my boss.... But in my state I can record anything I want because I know I'm recording it. Check with your lawyer to see what you can and cannot do. And once-upon-a-time someone told me that recording things can be personally useful, because when she lies to you you can go back and listen to the truth. That objective reality that really does exist, ephemerally. It does exist.

That little thing has been a godsend.

If you have joint assets get your lawyer to freeze them. I did and oohhhhh my god did it piss her off. Though it was sorta an accident. Our financial adviser called me a few days after D-Day, before the temporary protective order, one of the last times I was actually in my house, and asked me where to send the check. She was trying to cash out our entire retirement. And nearly succeeded. After I told him that we were divorcing everything froze and she no longer had access to any money at all. Hence her first lawyer, a free lawyer who represented battered women. Really? I've never hurt you or touched you that way in ten years. Never. But that's just a drop in the overflowing bucket and not worth worrying about. She can think or believe whatever she wants because reality exists.

RESPONSE: In a collaborative divorce everything is status quo. Joint accounts, insurance, we can't touch anything until final D is signed.
She's the one that asked for the D, now she's the one that wants to drag it out. Originally she was going to come home last week and do some mediation, but then POSOM pushed her to start the process. Works for me because I was able to put in writing yesterday that the fact that PoS may stay in hotel a few more weeks and she wanted to split bill, that I will not allow marital assets to pay for this. I also mentioned that she was thinking of leaving the country again plus going to another state for the holidays. Both lawyers agreed I do not have to allow her (and I won't) to use this our cash for this.

People make their own decisions though. I mean she is going to make her own decisions and nothing you do, say, feel, or rage is going to change that. And you're going to have to hurt through it all and somehow learn to accept it. I'm still working on that. The worst is trying to learn to accept that you will never understand and can never understand. The best is realizing that you can't understand that. You are the kind of person who can't understand that. And that is wonderful.

My D has gone insanely successfully for me. But I'm, apparently, in a male-friendly state. In my state I can file at-fault, and I did. Didn't matter for custody but she bent instead of having to have to listen to the truth. With her mother there. Apparently they all think I'm delusional. They truly do. Even after I sent all the in-laws concrete proof of everything, several times. I guess it's just easier to think I'm delusional then to recognize what their daughter, niece, grand-daughter, etc.... really is.
RESPONSE:
In NYS adultery is a grounds for divorce..in my county the Judges award custody to the spouse living at home. My sons are21 and almost 16. Over 16 picks the parent as long as the courts determine the parent is reliable.


It doesn't matter though. I know and after I accepted that and realized that I deserve better it was so easy to just move on. And it wasn't. I still have nightmares. But I wake up, I walk around outside and watch the tree branches shake. I think of my son giving me kisses and hugging me after telling me his diaper is dirty. Then I go back to sleep and I'm happy. Go figure that I'm actually happier now then I was before. I never would have thought.

RESPONSE: I keep thinking of what she's up to not physically just her daily activities. I do miss her like heck.

Just stop talking to her. Really. Stop talking to her. If she starts talking to you turn around and walk away. Nothing she says matters anymore. Only you are giving her that power. Take it away and you'll have the power. And women respect power. Maybe not all women but in my limited experience that is the truth. Outside of work it's a struggle. Wearing the uniform and I've got chicks stealing my phone number and texting me at 3am.

Take the power back. Stop talking to her and NEVER give her the reason. File for divorce and don't talk to her about it. It's terribly hard, easier for me since at that time in my life I would have been arrested for talking to her, but god did I want to talk to her. Now I wish I never had to talk to her but we have a son.

RESPONSE: We mostly talk about our son and finances. Funny she had said POS was deeper and more emotional then me. However, now she says that no matter what happens she wants to be my friend because she misses our conversations and how we connect...WTF.
This entire affair is an escape and a MLC.
She even winked at me and said basically that he sucks in the sac..

Find some things you enjoy and start doing them. Have you ever wanted to paint? I painted my Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls a few weeks ago in oils and I hung it in my new room. It's not very good but I'm quite happy with it. Get in shape. Girls like it and you'll feel SOOO much better about yourself. Maybe you can reconnect with some old friends? I went to a fire-pit party after work today and had a few brews. Caught up with some old friends. Had some haggardly woman hit on me for thirty minutes before my friend came and rescued me.

RESPONSE: I used to build plastic models. I need to reset up my shop and maybe get back into this.

I guess a lot of guys use their new-found energy to start working out. Everyone should so if you don't then start. Even if you can't find a friend to become your new gym rat then just go to the gym and start asking people for advice on how to use the machines. Then ask them to spot you. And start chatting. You'll meet new people and you'll find a spotting partner. Maybe you'll find someone to push you hard and you'll start enjoying your time with yourself.

RESPONSE : I am a gym rat, have a Golds membership and a home gym. I am I am in great shape, so not an issue.
Problem for me is she and I worked out together for over 20 years. Everyone at our gym look at me like where's the wife? Some of our closest friends there no the story and are heartbroken. Many of them are shocked because a lot of her conversations with them where in judgement of people that were having affairs!
She joined a PF near where she works but said she wants to start training with me again. The PF does not have everything she is used to...she used to compete in Female Figure and Fitness events. Was hoping to do a Masters level next summer and retire from shows. I was supposed to train her, her POS is and looks like Shrek.

As far as filing it took my lawyer four days after I told him to finally file (he was telling me to file forever). Hey everyone was telling me to file. I was just dense for awhile. It's sooo hard to move past giving someone the majority of your life and then finding out that they betrayed all of that. For a little tingle and a temporary fix. But you can't control that. You can't control any of that. You can control yourself though so be strong, be proud, stop talking to her EVER, and start focusing on yourself and your kids. Focus on the things that will matter in twenty years because she won't.

You deserve to be loved the way you love. One day you'll look back with that bewildered bemusement and you'll be happy. It's just that one day is a long ways off. THATS WHAT I AM AFRAID OF.

Stick around, there is a lot of help here. Don't get frustrated if some people are less helpful than others. Everyone is trying, in their own way, to help.

RESPONSE:
YES I REALLY WANT TO THANK EVERYONE. THING IS I SPREAD MYSELF ONTO TO MANY THREADS.

I FEEL WE MAY RECONCILE, BUT HOW DO I KNOW THAT SHE won't RUN AGAIN WHEN MY SON GRADUATES HIGH SCHOOL?

Truth is I am very sad and scared right now :(
 
#105 ·
Oh wow just went and looked up your original thread. You're the tour guide guy.. I'm dense.

You need to do a 180 and just ignore her. Really that is like number one priority for you. Ignore her! You are better than that! You are worth more than that! We all know it and you need to do everything you can to stop thinking and worrying and hurting yourself about it.

You've got to take a giant step back because you are too close to the flames and you can't see the forest through the trees. Step back. Close your eyes. STOP TALKING TO HER AT ALL. Your eyes will adjust and you will finally start to see things.

All I'm asking is that you take at least a week and you do not talk to her. When she calls you you don't answer. Better yet immediately send her to voicemail. And when she calls back you immediately send her to voicemail again. And again. Then after the third time if it's getting hard you turn your phone off. And you wait a full day to listen to the messages. Then you come here and get some good advice and you spend another entire day thinking before you dare respond. And better yet, just don't. Don't respond. Trust me it's really weird but in my little bit of personal experience women go crazy when you won't be at their beck and call. Some want nothing to do with you once they realize they can't control you that way, so go away then, others will fold like leaves in a slight breeze and give you anything you want. Just to talk to them. Weird stuff and I'm still trying to figure it out.

You don't need her. You don't.

You need yourself so be there for yourself. Only you can make that happen so do it. Make it happen. Yeah it's hard, so hard. But it gets easier. And you have to try. Everyone should at least try.
 
#108 ·
Rusty you are so right. On the 10 th of March she sent me an email about only communicating via email. I emailed her back no way on the phone only.
She ignored me. I called her office on the 11th, she answered " what's up" ( so she knew it was me). Called me that afternoon and we layed down the contact rules. I then asked her to watch our son on the 12 I had an overnight. Her and the pos made like I was gonna hide in the woods come in and hurt her or worse. I heard VM from him begging her to be careful all that crap ( a few days later I saw texts where she was giving him directions to the house, where he texted her ten times, where she told him he was waking her up and making her nuts!) ( I even saw one from the 11th where she texted him :HE CALLED ME TODAY I PICKED UP BY ACCIDENT WHAT SHOULD I DO? She was lying she knew it was me. This guy has so much control on her that she feels she has to tell him everything even if it's a lie).

Anyway before I knew it she called my cell twice and the house on the day after she stayed over. I fell asleep early and never got her message. HERE IS WHY I SAY YOU ARE RIGHT:

I was not ignoring her. The last message I got was, OK BE THAT WAY IGNORE ME, I DONT KNOW WHAT GAME YOUR PLAYING BUT YOU NEED TO CALL ME!
 
#110 ·
Steve, I just finished reading everything here and I know this is a huge shock but I can feel the desperation in your posts.

It's very difficult to do but in order to gain the upper hand, you must stop. Stop communicating with your wife, that's why you are paying a lawyer. Be o good dad to your kids and ignore your wife.

File for divorce if you haven't already.

Set a good example for your children and practice the 180.

I'm guessing this tour bus relationship will end soon. Relationships that start hot and heavy like this, usually fizzle out pretty quickly.

Will you want your wife back when she comes back?

I'm not trying to be harsh because your life really is a mess right now and this is the place to come and let out your frustrations, just don't take the desperation home with you.

Let this POSOM know he can have your wife. You are making her out to be some sort of goddess and making her more desirable than she really is.

A smokin' body on even a 50 year old only goes so far. She's got some light bulbs turned off right now and she seems rather goofy from what you describe.

Let her know you can live just fine without her and take the time to figure out if you want her back WHEN she comes back.

She WILL come back and she will come back to you because right now, she has you and the bus driver under her spell. Take some of her power away by ignoring her. If the old bus driver is so great, let him have her.
 
#111 ·
Ok so here is my question to all my buds on TAM.

Last night she was going to tell POSOM about her plans to do an in home separation. She claimed he was going to go Ape****. I was hoping her would.
She was going to text me last night...never did...I texted her to make sure she was ok....( ok I know, don't attack me)

She is estranged from my 21 year old because he wrote her a Nasty gram. Everyone except wifey , pos and her few friends say he was wrong. Everyone else including the attorneys, therapists and the rest of the human race see nothing wrong with it and say she deserved it.

Wifey wants to go see him in April and have a heart to heart, no apologies just start fresh like he was just born.

Obviously she was influenced by someone last night.

So today I get a text...

" when you visit with him next week u tell him u NEED to tell him to contact me first.

Notice the tone, bossing me again..also I have not responded to ask about what happened last night but I am so tempted to....

What should I do?
 
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