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What type of man chases married woman?

82K views 319 replies 84 participants last post by  aine 
#1 ·
So here's my question. Why would a beautiful woman with a family and a financially secure life date a guy who's wife claims he always try's to start relationships with married woman.

The other part is my wife for 25 years ripped into woman who had affairs, she also said men who chase married woman are the scum of the earth. But in her case where she believed she gave him the "look" it was ok to have an affair, and then even after he admitted it was he who started it, she believes that he is a better, deeper, has more soul, sweeter and kinder man than me. The scary thing is all of his friends and colleagues who know that he runs religious tours in Israel, seem to condone his affair with my wife. And those that don't he covers it up by making like he rescued her from a horrific life with me.

Ladies men who pursue married woman are sick, they have a desire to get what is not there's, they WILL CHEAT on you too eventually ....
 
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#187 ·
JLD...Mr adams not only thought about TALKING to the teacher...he thought about killing him...very slowly...inch by inch
What stopped him?

I am not saying he should have, btw. Just curious as to why he did not confront him, as many men here seem to advocate.
 
#188 ·
"As Manticore has said some of them just get off on the 'thrill' of taking somebody elses wife."

This is why I think there is an aspect to an A that really has nothing to do with the WW.

Some POS has just decided to f*ck with a BH's family and entire life because in some screwed up way, he thinks it makes him a better man.

That's why I believe a BH should retaliate and f*ck up the OM's life in every way he can get away with in return, regardless of what he decides to do with his WW.

POS needs to be taught the lesson that there is a price to be paid for messing with another man's life (and kids if he has any).
 
#190 · (Edited)
I agree with you 100% here! no 200%.

You see first of all the guy I am dealing with WAS a decorated hero in the IDF. But he was injured, then he got fat out of shape and diabetic etc. He was no longer the thrill seeker of his youth.

Most of the Time the men in his his unit ended up in Israeli politics or in positions of power in high level technology companies. ( Benjamin
netayanho for example) He, well he became a tour guide. He explains this because he says he loves his country and faith and wants to spread the word, no he is a lazy a$$ he only works half the year and spends the rest mooching off of people from his tours!

Anyhow, he seems to visit with the family's with fairly attractive professional wives, he comes to visit, scopes out his surroundings and figures hey they have quite a lot of Shekels in this family.

He also starts to become " friends" with the wife, tells them they are soul cousins, listens to their problems tells them their husbands are losers, predators, perverts, whatever he can throw at them.

HE PROMISES THIS LIFE OF TRAVEL AND PLEASURE AND FREE SPIRT, HE TELLS THEM ITS A REBIRTH....HE IS RESCUING THEM FROM THEIR MARRIAGE..OH AND HE WOULD BE A BETTER DAD TO THEIR CHILDREN!

Then you actually hear from your WS that this guy has been looking his entire life for the right woman all those others meant nothing...I am the one...he sees with his heart and takes what he wants....

Then the op (me for instance) talks with some of the husbands and guess what the belief is...he for some reason thinks he deserves what you have...wow if I can get the wife of this highly successful Alpha male ( in his work life , maybe not marriage), wow the thrill wow I have won another battle.

Well when these relationships fail he crawls back begging for forgiveness from his common law wife. She finally meets another guy and throws the Schmkk out! Now he has no one, but

He has honed his skills, like a salesman, he knows what works, he knows the type of woman who have rejected him..he is now the a#1 predator, the Shark ( as MC refers to him) he is an Apex Predator...

And your id-e-ot. Spouse ( wife) is either to Narccisitic or to self righteous , or maybe it's a cry for help...to see it...

And guess what your family is destroyed, your sons are devastated and eventually the shark seeks out younger healthier pray, and this woman becomes a shell of her former self!


I hope the Palestinians launch a rocket that hits him right on that hollow head!
 
#189 ·
You're totally right, Dyokemm! It not only denigrates the marital relationship itself, it greatly serves to lay sheer waste to an entire family unit.

But ultimately, I'd have to say that the WS has total "veto power" over the illicit proposal of the initiating philanderer.

It is theirs to fully exercise, since they have ownership rights to the marriage!
 
#191 ·
It's the oldest story in the book and it applies to men and women equally, what type of person chases married people???

people covet that which they do not have ....


It has always been that way and it always will be.


Now if you caught someone pursuing your spouse I can certainly understand the desire to destroy them (I know I would) ...as they "stole" from you. But all too often these people become the sole focus and scapegoat for everything that is/was wrong in the marriage for the BS. It's the WS who lacks self-control and/or empathy that is always the true villain. WS just don't want to take personal responsibility ... and the BS don't want to believe it (denial).

and the world keeps turning ....
 
#193 ·
I think you guys are giving the POSOMs way too much credit over the power they have to destroy marriages.

If they genuinely are as good at being predators as you all say, or that you were so vulnerable to them, then you were indeed victimized just as a victim of sexual assault. That would absolve you of blame, so half-attempts at accepting the responsibilty for your choice would only be destructive to your self worth.

Or if you still accept full responsibility then it means you were not in fact a victim, in which case who cares about justice for the OM, if you reconcile you choose to leave them out of your life.

When I found the texts on my ex W's phone with the OM du jour, I texted and wrote that he was a piece of sh!t and he deserves her. And I meant it, and ever since I havent given a thought about him. In my mind I did visualize that if I ever found him near my son I would beat him to a pulp, but I honestly don't care what happens to him as long as he is out of my life. If my ex had stopped her affair and wanted to reconcile one major boundary I would have had is that she accept complete and full responsibility for her actions, which would mean that she wouldn't even have the victim card in her toolbox to pull out.
 
#196 ·
I think you guys are giving the POSOMs way too much credit over the power they have to destroy marriages.
No Lon, I think you are interpreting it wrong, We/I am not giving credit these men as if they are semigods and everybody is incapable of stopping them, I have say many times that practically any (average man) man can become a marital predator like these scumbags, but of course it requires to be a complete POS without emphaty or real love for nobody but yourself (psycopath).

what I am doing is recognizing the existence of these twisted people who enjoyement is at expense of others, unfortunatly their bahaviour while it is destructive and atrocious in our society are not ilegal, let me be a Little extreme here a make some exagerated comparations.

- serial killers (that enjoy taking lives of human beings, whose thrill is the power of extinguish a light, they don't care at all for their victims or victim's family).

- serial rapist (that enjoy the dominance and brutallity of the power they feel by taking a woman by force, they don't care at all for their victims or victim's family)

of course I don't mean to say the acts that serial killers and serial rapist do is as bad as what a OM serial cheater who also is a marital predator do, but the nature of of they twisted thrill have the same origin (the overpowering of someone else, the unaware BH, or the naive WW who thinks this man loves her while is bragging wit his Pals destroying her and hers family reputation), and they also don't give a dime of all the families they have affected with their actions, as I have said before and I mean it, that you need to be a psychopath or sociopath (for those who doesn't know, not all psycopaths are murderers, studies argue that 1 in every 100 humans are psycopaths and most of them lead all regular lives without having problems with the law) to do waht these men do.

of course LON, not all OM have the same nature, there are OM like the user "PastOM" in whose case the WS was the agressor, and he felt for her, he has never been an OM before and he wanted to marry her and take care of her kids and even was worried about the psique of the BH, in the end he realized he was played and all waht the WW told him was BS and she send him a NC letter, and he lost his JOB, his health, his emtional stability.

there are many kinds of OMs, and many circumstances, but these last pages we were talking about the OMs that have slept with many married women and how to deal with them.

this specific sort of OM need to feel consequences to stop their damaging beahviour to society and famalies.
 
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#223 ·
Re: Re: What type of man chases married woman?


so then it seems the repercussions for forgiveness and reconciliation after your affair is not so bad then. I'm sure it wasn't easy, but it was worth it. as for the OM, he maybe had it easy but I doubt much in his life is worthwhile.
 
#222 ·
MJA, did you or your husband ever think about reporting him to the school?
 
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#234 ·
WR, I think the Adams are just working through their issues. Or maybe just reflecting on them, if they have laid it all to rest.

Isn't that what all of us are doing on TAM, reflecting and learning and reflecting some more, as we work through the issues in our lives?

It is part of growing. And I think most of us are growing on TAM.
 
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#239 ·
I think it is great that everyone is expressing their thoughts and feelings. We learn the most when we are all just open and honest with each other.
 
#241 ·
Guys, Although I am very much is the notion of if someone does not want to be with you then let them go and don't waste your time with them, sometimes it is easier said then done, I believe Steve had a good marriage for the past years and when you love and care for someone deeply sometimes it is very difficult to let just simply let go of that person and let them destroy their life and yours in the process, I believe he is trying to save her and his marriage from the destruction this situation has created, sometimes with the cost of his own dignity and respect, I do believe however that eventually Steve will get to the end and let go when he will realize that his efforts seem to be futile

he just need to get to that realization that nothing that he will do will change her mind or way of thinking, these situations normally end up in bad things that happening to the WW enough to snap him/her back in to reality realizing the devastation they have caused. I think at this stage it will not help abusing Steve he needs as much support as possible to reach that stage that he understand what he needs to do. I know the type of them tour guides predators, They tell many grandiose stories about military service in the IDF which many Non Israelis cannot verify and many tourists fall for the Macho Israeli war Hero bull crap, the real war Heroes do not "blow their own horns" and never need to tell these stories so eventually this will blow in WW face, Steve just need to get help getting in to that "I give up" stage and not ridiculed.
 
#244 ·
Thanks Mike.

I don't want to turn this into a blog, so I have not been posting much.

I will post more of what's happening on the private forum.

I am not a cuckhold !

The fog is lifting...ok.

I just have to keep my big mouth shut.

Whenever I see her drifting my way or whenever I mention or even something on TV comes up that makes me realize she's questions this POS...I go full bore at him.

I just need to keep my mouth shut ...she is starting to see him for who is.....

I don't have time today but I will post something on the private board soon.
 
#243 ·
Steve appears desperate to save his marriage-that is his choice.
But have there been any instances here on TAM where a marriage was saved when the WS continued the affair and showed no remorse? Even Mrs. John Adams eventually ended the A, and demonstrated true remorse.
None of that appears to be happening in Steve's case.
He has exposed- that didn't end the A.
He tried Plan A-that didn't end the A.
He's attempted the 180-can't really do it.

Focusing on how horrible the OM is for chasing his WS won't get Steve what he wants. She might have been chased, but she let him catch her. She had a choice, too.
 
#245 · (Edited)
She has started to show remorse. She has started to see what a f'ed up POS this guy and all his acquaintances are.

I just need to sit back really 180 and let it unravel...

And I swear as the sky is blue , if he comes to the US again and she sees him I am going to make sure that he's never allowed back in the US again...and then I am going to throw her out on her A$$!
 
#247 ·
You know what pisses me off about these OM? They didn't earn any of it. Where was this guy at the midnight feedings for the baby? I didn't see them doing stuff around the house. They didn't take on an extremely difficult stepchild. They didn't sell all their music gear to buy her a friggin engagement ring. They don't listen to her rant about her bad day or actually go clothes shopping with her and pretend to give a crap lol....

These guys friggin owe me.
 
#275 ·
I haven't read this thread just the original post, sorry if I am repeating. I stayed away from this post as the title made me trigger. But like everyone curiosity got the better of me. Any man is not a man to go after married women. The title should be what type of male goes after married women? My WW had an affair with her co-worker, she will tell you he isn't half the man I am. In fact she won't even call him a man. Yes she had sex with him but he was basically worthless in bed. Those are her words. Emotionally he hit all the right buttons to get her to stray. She felt our marriage was over so why not find someone else. Only to find out he was far less of a man she could be with.

Intimacy is a special bond between two people. The value is in the eye of the beholder. My WW was my first and to this day my only. I am proud of this as intimacy is very sacred to me. It does cause a problem with reconciliation in that she gave herself away to a nobody. I struggle with this to the point I punch walls. A man connects with his wife during intimacy that is only shared between them. To think he had sex with WW and feels he provided her with this connection is laughable. He didn't connect with her at all. In fact he became a pain in the a$$ to WW. Males who go after married women are incapable of long term relationships that are happy. My WW understands he was not capable of making her happy in bed or out. This affair came after a miscarriage and trying to have a child for fifteen years. We didn't communicate well and he offered some emotional support to her. EA started and a month later it was a PA. WW is remorseful, regretful, and completely shattered by her actions. I was also.

So a male that chases married women is looking for that vulnerability to capitalize on to score. It's not sacred to him it's just another female who happens to let her guard down long enough to let him in. The female actually accepts less of a man to be emotionally fulfilled. That was my mistake, along with unconditional trust. WW took advantage of that and is now paying a heavy price before I even added a consequence. I will always e more of a man than WW's OM can even dream of being. In fact I told him this in person and all he did was hang his head. Of course he wouldn't speak to me unless there was an object between us. A pick up truck. Yeah, he's a man all right.
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#276 ·
I haven't read this thread just the original post, sorry if I am repeating. I stayed away from this post as the title made me trigger. But like everyone curiosity got the better of me. Any man is not a man to go after married women. The title should be what type of male goes after married women? My WW had an affair with her co-worker, she will tell you he isn't half the man I am. In fact she won't even call him a man. Yes she had sex with him but he was basically worthless in bed. Those are her words. Emotionally he hit all the right buttons to get her to stray. She felt our marriage was over so why not find someone else. Only to find out he was far less of a man she could be with.
To be blunt, what's she really going to say? He's much better than you? More experienced (since you had not been with any other)?

She's obviously smart enough not to damage her Plan B (ie, you).



Intimacy is a special bond between two people. The value is in the eye of the beholder. My WW was my first and to this day my only. I am proud of this as intimacy is very sacred to me. It does cause a problem with reconciliation in that she gave herself away to a nobody. I struggle with this to the point I punch walls. A man connects with his wife during intimacy that is only shared between them. To think he had sex with WW and feels he provided her with this connection is laughable. He didn't connect with her at all. In fact he became a pain in the a$$ to WW. Males who go after married women are incapable of long term relationships that are happy. My WW understands he was not capable of making her happy in bed or out. This affair came after a miscarriage and trying to have a child for fifteen years. We didn't communicate well and he offered some emotional support to her. EA started and a month later it was a PA. WW is remorseful, regretful, and completely shattered by her actions. I was also.
Your wife did not think the same as you. That's why she can cheat.

So a male that chases married women is looking for that vulnerability to capitalize on to score. It's not sacred to him it's just another female who happens to let her guard down long enough to let him in. The female actually accepts less of a man to be emotionally fulfilled. That was my mistake, along with unconditional trust. WW took advantage of that and is now paying a heavy price before I even added a consequence. I will always e more of a man than WW's OM can even dream of being. In fact I told him this in person and all he did was hang his head. Of course he wouldn't speak to me unless there was an object between us. A pick up truck. Yeah, he's a man all right.
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You're angry. There'll always be another man out there. But you only have 1 wife. Your anger should be more directed at your wife instead of trying to shift to the OM.
 
#278 ·
oh man, Steve, as much as I want this to end up good for you as I am reading what you have wrote I doubt it very much, as soon as this cripo is going to land in the US, your wife is going to run to him like a 16 yo Groupie, dont you see she is playing both fields ?

and you are enabling this, you will always make yourself an orbiter for her dont you see this, even if she dumps this douche, it is a matter of time until she will find another douche to cling on to, don't you see that ? this is not going to end well for you and for her until she learns the consequences of her choices
 
#279 ·
The way you're acting, it seems to me, confirms to your wife that the OM is better than you.

I would think if you told your wife to fvck off, go be with her lover, and stand tall for yourself, she would react differently. If you show that you dont really need her, that you are fine without her, then that would be a big change. Have a tremendous amount of self-respect - fake it till you do.
 
#282 ·
WhiteRaven was apparently an old user called BrokenEric, I liked BrokenEric and I actually believed his story, he then began to sent innapropiate private messages to many female Tammers (many married), he was perma banned for that, after BE banning WhiteRaven appered, he contacted by PM asking about BE and how way of writing as the timing make me suspicious about his identity (apperently I was not the only one as he was reported and confirmed for what I was told as BE).

Even if WhiteRaven would have turned not to be BrokenEric there were many signs depicting him as Troll, the following is part of a PM that I sent to another Tammer:

his story and the story of those who are around him are very dramatic and have shocking outcomes. This includes his uncle also he have had two friends that have died for issues related to infidelity:

- In one case the friend's wife was sleeping with guys around europe, got aids and infected his friend, and in the end whiteraven parents adopted the daughter of his friend (really?, why neither of the grandparents or neither of the uncles took care of her)

- in the other case his childhood friend died from a weird genetic disease that was from the side of the OM, and the WW prefered to stay alone, segragated and disowned and hated for her kids and XH before revealing the OM's name.

- his uncle stayed married for more than a decade after he was betrayed for the sake of his kids, pretending to reconcile just to suddendly divorce and left the his WW devastated.

and lastly his own story where he depict himself as the super hero completing the fantazy that every BH has:

- he slept with the OMW repetedly and took pictures of their encounters, then went and braged to OM what he did showing him the evidence at the parking loot of OM's work.

but then the OMW did not care that he did that, taking pictures of her and showing them to the OM, she instead still wanted their relatonship as FWB, really?

and to humilate more the OM, the OM's daughter was calling whiteraven daddy telling him that she wanted him to be his daddy, really?. (funny as he did not begin to associate with the OMW until his wife's affair, and also why would the OMW let his daughter hang out with a man with whom she just have a relationship as FWB?)

and to add more drama to his story whiteraven's found evidence of his wife being pregnant but not from OM but from him, but she aborted even when she wanted to stay with Whiteraven tthe affair was not even reveal yet, so why to abort?

sometimes I feel that he just keep pushig to see how much sh*t are we going to swallow with his lies, but again I have no evidence to call him out.
 
#289 ·
A wonderful man.

Someone who will provide generous support and listen to her problems, and tell her all those things her despondent H doesn't. Because if her hubby was not taking care of this wonderful woman, then someone else must! He sees who she truly *is*.

So they'll just "talk". And he will touch her hand to comfort her.

And then stroke her arm.

(15 minutes later)

BANG BANG BANG on the floor.

Because he cares. She's special. He's a better man.
 
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