07-21-2008, 10:02 AM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Near Chicago
| | Re: Stuck in a rut!
No, it's not fair but it is completely normal for you to feel the way you do. For me, there was a time in the beginning when I felt as you do where I just decided to push myself to do what was best for "me". When I would have bad thoughts and feel sad/anxious I would tell myself that I didn't want to waste another minute of my life with those thoughts and would think about something I could do that would make my marriage stronger...would write down reasons I loved my husband and put them in a card, etc. Anyway, it somehow helped me to reclaim my place in my marriage and push the negative out...but I still waste minutes of my life having those thoughts...it's just much less frequent and bearable knowing that most of my time is spent reconnecting and being happy with my husband.
Please give it time and you will move forward.
It would be worse if you just didn't care or didn't think about it...being where you are now does tend to force you to think about what you want from your marriage and what you need to put into it to make it stronger and keep it strong.
Forgiveness came for me when I could see how truly remorseful he was and how much he put into the marriage once we both decided it was what we wanted. I felt that he really was sorry and felt horrible for the hurt he caused me and when I forgave him in my heart I felt we bonded as one in some way instead of dealing with the struggles in 2 different ways from 2 different angles.
Anyway, I think the timeframe of healing is different for everyone, and I did a combination of letting time work its course and forcing myself to think of something else positive when the obsessive thoughts would creep in. Something else I noticed over time...now it's only during PMS that I have these thoughts...I guess the hormones get my emotions running high.
Everything you do to get closer to your husband...do fun things together, laugh, have close conversations, will lesson the frequency of these thoughts.