Re: I didn't cheat. How can I make her believe me.
I would say that your best bet is to own up to what you did, and dig deep. Talk about how you understand how inappropriate it was to get repeated lapdances ( My H doesn't get them at all, only I do at this point). Tell her you know that you screwed up and hurt her, and you want to make your marriage work. Ask her if she does as well. Then talk about boundaries. Honestly, I am okay with the hubby going to a strip club whenever, but the stripper I fell in love with is off limits LOL. That, and we agreed that for now, he won't get lapdances. I can get them with him there watching (for his amusement) and perhaps when more time has passed he can as well. He is okay with taking it at my pace.
Talk about how you feel a little neglected since baby came, and that you think you guys need to put a concentrated effort back into your relationship. Its hard with small ones, but it can be done.
As long as you take responsibility for your actions and show that you know what you did was wrong and you know WHY it was wrong, then I think things will go smoothly from there. She may need time to heal, but I think you will be able to move forward.