Since going into details would consume and ungodly amount of time and energy let me just ask the following;
How do I combat an Emotional Affair?
How do I get her to admit to rug sweeping?
How do I combat the situation with the affair underground?
How do I get her to realize the damage that she has done?
Am I willing to kill the relationship between us? - Yes
Do I want to? - No
Yes, Kids are involved.
No, It has not gone Physical, but I cannot disprove phone sexting.
I am the bread winner.
She refuses to go transparent at all.
She insists he no longer feels in love with her nor her with him. (Details on this if asked can be provided)
She still has him as a FB Friend, but a hidden one and has removed me from her list.
When I asked to see her phone I got derailed by lame excuses, one such as she needs to trust me (WTF?) and was swiftly distracted by her engaging in physical intimacy, a classic maneuver.
After utilizing several tactics have caught her telling lies about what they talked about or what she has told him about what has happened around here since I threatened to kick her out. Hint, Liars cannot re-tell stories based on lies due to no foundation for the memory to latch onto nor can she tell the story backwards. When tasked by this she gets completely flustered and doesn't remember.
And the classic line, "I need to find myself" .
I need some advice from some seasoned veterans, please fire away, hold nothing back. And if by chance there are any ladies lurking, let me know from a woman's perspective.
Truly one of the most difficult processes I have ever experienced is grieving the loss of someone while they are still alive. You are for sure on the cycle of grief now and will be for a while. Familiarize yourself with the cycles. It would probably be a great tool to enlist the help of a counselor who specializes in divorce care. This is a burden that has been placed on your shoulders now because of her choices. But your healing will be on you, I pray you heal well and just sorry you have to carry it for a time.
The process is well under way. During our Monday night conversation when I told her I'd stop it IF SHE changed her behavior and committed only to be told no as well as needing to get over her, or it as she put it. Without hesitation or uncertainty I told her I was.
At this point I cannot afford a counselor for this evolution in my life but since I know full well the feelings will from time to time consume me I believe I can handle it, for now. Mostly cause I have you fine people here to talk to and understand me without prejudice or insult. Like Dadof2 and AffairCare I too will now also have a lifelong bond with a person I will inevitably loathe seeing in the future, especially after I see my replacement. Like someone driving around your car that they stole yet powerless to stop them all the while knowing certain people, including family, not only approve of the theft but encouraged it.
I am still reading the MMSLP and started, yet stopped, the NNMNG. As for the next woman........ I have no idea how this relationship will effect the next one nor do I even surmise on how I'd be able to sustain one without jeopardizing my children's needs, which consume my time to the max already.
Have you removed her access to any of your money? The best eye opener for a woman is to see what life is like without the financial support (hint: it sucks!).
That's assuming that the AP isn't a sugar daddy/momma, and that the rest of the family doesn't support them as well. Believe me, when others are there it chip in and pick up the slack left by the BS's withdrawal of funds, they see and live no different. Not much of a learning experience with no consequences (in fact some live better without the BS than they did with, as the family is so "supportive" of the WS that they make sure nothing is wanted in the newfound freedom, granted the WS that fall into this category are limited but it does happen).
On a interesting yet effed up note I got a call from the wife from her work telling me she locked the keys in the van and can I call triple A. Sure, why not it's still my van for now as well. I call and give the number for my card, the AAA card that mother and step father have been giving to me for Christmas since 2009 and wouldn't you know, it was cancelled........Back in January.
Guess when this all blew the fvck up??
"What is January"
Right you are forum readers.
And to think all this time I talked to her step dad who offered his ear and advised his displeasure....... Fvck em!!!
Oh Blosssom (Like Highlander!!) when the bonds of this marriage are free you will see that this in as equally unsurprising as it is cowardice, in time of course.
I can't explain it but I got an eerie feeling tonight is going to be interesting. Her mother wants the kids for the night and she has a coffee date with a friend, female supposedly, at 6 pm. But I can't say for sure if I feel comfortable alone without a witness here all night.
Can't say what to expect but I've got that feeling, like something bad is going to happen. God I hope not.
I am intimate with that anticipating an abuser feeling... Can be horrible. You need to listen to your gut and not be there tonight and may even tomorrow? Or have someone come stay with you. Bring on free beer, pizza and football. Fill the house with guys and if she tries something call the cops.
Mild problem with that, I had my debit card cancelled due to the information being used for online purchases without my knowledge. I did make another call to the police saying what was happening and my device is in place. If she makes even the slightest suspicious move I will simply leave to her Fathers house or collect the children from her mothers and return home.
And it is Saturday, no Footbal to watch..........College Football is no fun to watch....
The 180 isn't about vindictiveness, its about moving forward. In effect putting her in your rear view mirror. Its NOT your job to converse with her about anything but the kids and her financial responsibility.
What you are admitting to is still ha in a hook in your mouth.
A good friend of mine tried everything to reconcile. His formerly nice but wayward left. He moved on though it neraly killed him. Loverboy dumped her for his secretary. Now he would pay someone to be her boyfriend. She was really good looking but can't seem to hook a man now and she extremely bitter.
Quit thinking about her and concentrate on how great its going to be without the B you just described above.
I mean really, what kind of moron falls for someone online they've never met.
Your logic is sound but I simply feel the more information I got the better off I will be to withstand any offensive, judicial, psychological or otherwise. I filed the D with the motion for sole use of the home, child support and copay for the remainder joint bills. This will not change as of now, later, after breakfast or even the superbowl.
But,
A loose cannon unsupervised can do alot of damage and with her here all day at the house I don't want to risk rocking the boat until the time is right, which is very soon. I hope to fulfill your advice one day as prescribed, but just not as of yet.
Well awesome developments peeps, I caught her reengaging with her Cali EA AP, which started immediately after I served her with papers, the weekend she house sit for her mother. I also discovered some written sh1t about the characteristics she wants in a man.
But this time, thanks to the good folks here my reaction and course of action will swift as it is stoic. God, I wish I found this site in January. Still, I can't help feeling just a little hurt and somewhat angry since these characteristics were the very same ones I had and were forced to re-calibrate or abandon due to parenthood.
I hate, hate, hate, hate this woman....... Although I am not a blubbering mess like last time I am undecided on a course of action for this? Any suggestions or thoughts would be appreciated. And R is not in the equation.
With the exception of cheaterville I do not know of an effective way. He mustn't have no girlfriend and I already told his mother and step mother, ya know, for fun. I'd love to get back at him, if I knew of some way that would have an impact.
Too funny. Last night after going over the debt that has accumulated for the last year or so a ah-ha moment twinkled in her eyes, if just for a moment. The amount is not important but the impact of it is since Christmas is gone, other holiday and seasonal activities are not going to happen as well,
Now the look of acceptance in the face of numerical truth was quite surprising and refreshing if truth be told. She commented on me getting back my retainer for the Lawyer and using that money to get thru this hump, which is borrowed money anyways. The is in conjunction in which she worked yesterday as well as working more hours than scheduled since she, or as she put it last night, we needed the money.
Now can I tell anyone here how good it felt to remind her that she called me a neglectful father for working long hours to satisfy these abundant bills which led to me being away lots of times. I also reminded her she missed her youngest sons Football game too and even used the word Neglecting when talking about her working more for the day......I had a mental boner, and it was awesome.
She also suggested that I go back to 2nd to make more money.....But since he behavior when this was the norm caused me to switch to 1st to begin with I feel someones stoic arrogance is finally cracking. I also got an apology for the who Neglectful father crap.......My thanks to her for that statement was just as indifferent. What a happy day..For me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
God I hope so, just for the satisfaction of knowing I was not crazy this whole time, and ya know what else, I almost, but held back urge to say "Why don't you have/ask your EA AP to pay for this? After all he knows the situation better than me, Right?"
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH......... I'm sorry, I shouldn't gloat, but it's just about goddamn time HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Any who, I got a heads up today about a FB post she put out on the 25th of October informing her social circle about us getting a Divorce, she also started the Separation apparently, citing changes in herself, my as expected upsetting response and her nobility for not wanting to fight or add to the drama as well as.........
Now I am not pissed about the post, I mean, people are bound to find out sooner or later. But the damn arrogance, the perceived nobility. I must be out of my mind. Lets see;
" I am lamb of moop, I live in pink Lemonade!!!"
Yup, I guess it was me all along! HAHAhHAHAHAHHAHAA..
I suppose the lack of wanting to fight is due to the large amounts of evidence to the contrary I have collected this year that PROVES my claim as well as her being broke.
This internet guy must have the Co{Rooster}ck this side of the asteroid belt.
Ugh, one thing is for sure I am going to have one hell of a mess to clean up after this is all over. Got pulled over the other night, just a cop running the van plate at random, an ironic thing since me and my eldest talked about how Cops run plates when driving or stopped behind a vehicle, a claim he was disbelieving.
As luck would have it I got tagged, kinda laughed about it and presto, the Registration was not valid and had lapsed.......back in April!!!! This matters since she said (Yes, the vehicle is reg'd under her name) that she paid for it!!!!!! Now, she can't do it and come to find out the large overdue tax bill is what cancelled the Registration.... You can't make this up.
Ya know, for someone who was adamant about getting Divorced they sure suck at being prepared for it. The initial hearing was today, an even she knew since she was subpoenaed, and during the morning as I was getting me and the children ready she had a shocked look on her face as to why I did not go to work, for court, and became instantly aggressive and pissed off that I did not tell her what I was doing. She made a mad scramble to get her information ready but was unable to and sent me a text asking me to tell my lawyer to delay til she is ready.
Well since she wasn't there anyway we had to, but she will be served a notice to appear or face being brought in cuffs. Also, she claimed her mother will not take her in as she doesn't want to get involved, yet has no exit plan, money or anything really!!! I have no idea what her thought process is, maybe to go haywire and run away......who knows.
The lawyer I hired back in February flat out told me... "there isn't a lawyer in this town that will represent your husband against me, because I am just that good."
She was a barracuda female with a reputation that precedes her for sure...
I felt I was in good hands. Glad you've got a good one.
Time to KO the bully. Today, if she shows, will be the first day of court. She was already in a bad mood this morning, especially when I told her that as opposed to last week I was going into work for a bit........
Now she had since Oct 10th to get her required info together. Than a week after she missed the initial hearing. Now we had no time to get all this together, or an outfit or whatever else she needed. Hell, she didn't even have the time to remove the selfies I found disrespectful from her FB page that were cropped to not show her being topless. But we had time to buy a headset for her online communication, ya know, her affair medium of choice.
Good luck, not that you need it. Sounds like you are well prepared.
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