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I haven't cheated yet but I need help with what I should do with my marriage.

25K views 255 replies 45 participants last post by  Headspin 
#1 ·
This post might get kind of lengthy but there is a lot that I want to say in order to get the best advice that I can get. I’ve been reading here for a few months now and I know this is where I’ll end up if I end up cheating on my wife. I really want to avoid that but I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out.
I’ll start from the beginning. At the age of 20, I was working in a foreign country. I met my wife while she was there on a work visa. We hit it off immediately. Our relationship pretty much consisted of partying and sex. I barely knew her though at the time, that didn’t bother me. I was young and stupid and thought the key to finding a good wife was to get the one with the best t*ts and a$$.

Our relationship only went on for around 2 months before I had to come back to the states. I really missed her but I think I really missed all the sex. She was the most beautiful woman that I ever dated and I was young and stupid. Before I left, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. I started her process and she was here in America with me after around 7 months.
Life was good at first. She spoke a decent amount of English but it didn’t bother me much then. She wasn’t working so we pretty much just went out and had sex when I wasn’t at work. I actually enjoyed it and felt that I had a trophy wife.

After 2 years, we welcomed our first son who is now 7. We also have another son that will turn 2 soon. Now here is where the problem starts. WE ARE NOT COMPATIABLE AT ALL!!! I mean really, we have almost nothing in common. We don’t like the same types of movies, we are not into the same activities, and we don’t have the same types of friends. I've always wanted her to have her own identity but she tries too hard to gravitate towards what I like. If we go out to eat, I always get to choose the place. I want her to have her own mind and voice. We don’t even practice the same religion. She is Christian and I was Christian at one point of my life. Once I got older, I decided that I do not believe in God and I do not support Christianity although I do believe in some type of higher power. Also, sex has changed a great deal. She used to do anything sexually that I asked but now she doesn’t. She does not want to give blow jobs anymore because she says it’s disgusting. We don’t do doggy style anymore because she says it is painful. I’m so sexually frustrated that I can’t even get it up for her anymore. Trust me, that’s saying a lot since she is a very beautiful person. She constantly has guys trying to hit on her and I only bring that up to prove that she is very attractive.

For a long time, I’ve tried to mold her into the woman that I wanted her to be. She speaks English pretty well but her reading and writing is pretty bad. If I had to guess, I would say that she reads and writes on a 5th grade level. I’ve tried putting her in college courses and that hasn’t helped. The first time, I was stupid and did all the work for her. I wrote all her essays for her English class and she got an A. However, she didn’t learn anything at all and pretty much relied on me. She is currently taking classes and it pisses me off when she pretends to be tired during the week and then when the assignment is finally due, she pesters me to help her with it and I end up pretty much doing it for her.

Money: I grew up under the assumption that a man should pay for everything. She’s been working since 2006 and contributes very little if anything to bills. At first, it didn’t bother me but as I’ve gotten older, it’s really getting to me. I see how other women treat their husbands and how things are split equally. All my wife pays is the electric bill which is $150 a month. I pay all of the other bills included house note, insurance, food, diapers, etc… Even then, she complains if the electric bill is over $150 per month.

Present: There’s a woman that I’ve been talking to. She is younger than me but pretty attractive. She’s made it evident that she is interested in me but I’ve been trying to keep my distance. She is very smart and is currently in medical school. She knows that I’m married and that I have a ton of issues with my wife. We have not have sex or even went out yet but I can definitely see both of those things happening in the future. Even if things didn’t work out between me and this woman, I’m actually intrigued that I could potentially be with someone like this who could make me happy. Someone who is smart and wouldn’t mind supporting the family financially. I’ve been having sexual fantasies about this other woman and in these fantasies, I see myself doing things to her that I wish I could do with my wife. I know that if I was happy in my marriage, I wouldn’t be having these fantasies.

So here I am. What should I do? I would feel like an absolute ******* if I told my wife that I’m divorcing her. She is happy and the kids are happy. I’ve given her this life and I would be taking it away from them. There’s no way she could afford this house by herself so she would have to move somewhere smaller or move back to her country with the kids. I love both my sons but I feel that I deserve to be happy too. I know that if I keep talking to this other woman, we will end up having sex and getting more serious. My wife now has no intention of bettering herself and she seems like she would be happy being beautiful and illiterate for the rest of her life. Still, that’s my fault because I married her and brought her here for all the wrong reasons. Should I just accept the fact that I will be forced to lie in this bed for the rest of my life or should I try to pursue my own happiness even if it means that my wife and kids won’t live as comfortably as before? By the way, I’m around 29 years old and my wife is a couple years younger.
 
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#113 · (Edited)
Please listen to what Phil McGraw has to say here.

It really is something you need to burn into your brain. It's one of his best on this topic :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KDrqld9x8g

Others here have said it, but watching it in video may help it resonate more.

If you want to be that guy sitting in that chair one day, then go for it... bring deception, disrespect, and toxicity into your marriage, your home, and your family. Best of luck with that.

My wife isn't perfect, but I will never even consider cheating because I don't want to be sitting in that chair like that dude in that video. That is NOT where an intelligent mature adult wants to end up.

Best of luck with that.

w
 
#114 ·
Please listen to what Phil McGraw has to say here.

It really is something you need to burn into your brain. It's one of his best on this topic :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KDrqld9x8g

Others here have said it, but watching it in video may help it resonate more.

w
Yeah, take advice from the master of hypocrisy himself. We should all learn from the damning words of Dr Hypocrite the cheater.

I don't see how anyone can recommend this hypocrite with all of his high and mighty attitude regarding cheating when he himself doesn't practice what he preaches. In the first 20 seconds all he does is belittle this guy for not treating his wife respectfully and sneaking around and cheating on her and how he should let her go to someone that deserves her instead of cheating on her and ruining her life.

When the cameras are off he runs and does the same thing himself!! HYPOCRITE in the first degree. I wish someone would point this out to his face on his show when he is belittling them! Must be nice to think it is okay to throw stones down on the little people from his big glass house (and he has no shame in doing so even though he knows he was acting the same way). The host in this case is no better than the one in the chair (and should be in the chair himself).
 
#135 ·
OP.
BS doesn't fulfil you sexually and you wouldn't give a "flying fVck" about cheating to get what you want elsewhere?

BS tried to seduce you the other night but you didn't take the bait and sulked. No point in talking about it to her now is there. "My way or the highway."

What does the hot doc like to do in bed? Does she do doggie? What if she doesn't? Oh, I forgot. You're intellectually attracted to her also. Some women on here said doggie hurts. Or find it demeaning which they didn't in their 20s. You ignored it. Instead you asked all the men how they would feel if they never got a bj again, "as an extreme example" you said.

BS texts you but you send "cold" texts back? More sulking. That should fix your family. Seems BS is trying by seducing you which didn't work and sending you texts which isn't working either.

Your frustration is jumping off the page and it's not only sexual. You're focusing on sex, perhaps to have the men on here agree with you and your "flying fvck" remark and give you a free pass. I imagine most of them would say that if you are that sexually incompatible and you are not willing to even discuss it but instead sulk, then get a divorce.

Be honest with yourself. Deep down you don't want to fix your marriage. Despite the many pages of posters' advice on your thread, the best you could come up with was if your BS doesn't fulfill you sexually, you wouldn't give a flying fvck about getting it elsewhere.

Meh.
 
#138 ·
I would never blow a dude who insisted on hurting me with his ****. End of story. You are disgusted by her vag. You don't value anything she does or says, you have utter contempt for her and you don't have what it takes to he a husband. Divorce her right away- maybe then she can look forward to a sex life with a partner who does NOT INSIST ON HAVING PAINFUL SEX
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#139 · (Edited)
Ok....I know this has been so much better by others, but... some reason I have been pulled in by this story.

Here is what I see in you...my ex wife. Oh...she sucked by the way. She also had a distorted view of reality that she built up so that she could justify her cheating. It is like looking at ripples in a pond.

You have building blocks to work with that can save your marriage... I would of killed to have had what you have now.:

First, it seems that you have a faithful wife, that in itself is worth quite a bit. I think there are many on here that know how rare that is.

Second, you have a wife that is somewhat content with her life. Wish I did... I wish just once my wife was not morning the loss of teen years...BS. Because that is what it was.

Third, you seem overly concerned with a single sex act. You ask how I would feel if I was cut off from BJ's. I think I could cope. At least you have a wife that wants to be with YOU. I would not care what the hell she wanted to do.

Forth, you created/enabled a lot of the structure in your marriage. If you do not like it....it is your own fault. That is not to say people can not change.

If you feel that strongly about it (and are really as shallow as you come across), then please just leave your wife.
 
#140 ·
First, it seems that you have a faithful wife, that in itself is worth quite a bit. I think there are many on here that know how rare that is.
Thank you. I was hoping someone would say this.

When the infidelity rate for females is approaching what.. 40%.. I think the OP should count his lucky stars that his wife isn't out there in the back seat of some douche-bag's car giving some OTHER guy blowjobs.

Good grief, loyalty is an increasingly rare commodity. Cherish it!

I am sure there are a lot of men here who would be happy to have a spouse who didn't want to learn more English if she could just keep her legs closed.

OR, to put this more bluntly to the OP.. be glad your wife doesn't have YOUR attitude towards marriage, thinking she can be happier by spreading her legs for another man.
 
#150 ·
You both need fixing - especially your communication between each other.

Don't be a cake eater. If you are that unhappy sit your your wife down and say "I'm unhappy, if we don't fix our issues I will file for divorce. We need to go to MC and IC and learn how to communicate properly"

If she refuses or gives excuses, well then you have your answer on how hard she wants to fix things. File for divorce and move on with your life.

Be a man - deal with it head on, don't go cheating behind her back.
 
#154 ·
Ozzzy, there was more I had to say in my response yesterday but was heals tired, so here is the rest of what jumped out at me...

You said you have nothing in common, and complained that she goes along with your preferences.

To me, it sounds like she can't really please you. She lets you pick a restaurant... maybe she's being loving and sacrificing her own preference to please you. But if she likes different movies to you, then that's her not having things in common? Seems like a double bind to me.

I don't know who invented the "you have to hve stuff on common" rule, but it's bollocks. I hate my husband's movie choices! I'm a night person and he's not. I like seafood, he doesn't. He doesn't understand why i'm friends with certain people. We are both Christian but have distinct spiritual differences. I'm politically opinionated, he doesn't even vote. I can make a list of those things and call our relationship "incompatible" if I want a get out of jail free card. (That's another term I think is bollocks.) We have some things in common, and also some differences and the key is acceptance and compromise.

You have alot to say about your wife being lazy, dumb/not smart, poor English, money moocher, no longer a BJ vending machine. Some of those things may be partially true. But I don't see much appreciation coming from you. Okay, so she's hot and keeps a clean house. That's a start. Does she give you any sex at all, even though you withhold it from her like a weapon? YES! So she no longer does pornastics in bed. Okay, so things aren't quite the same, but sex is about more than performance and various acts.
Something you said that I thought was alarming was that even if you do have a sex addiction, then your wife should be the one fulfilling it. The problem with that is, if you are an addict, it is impossible for another person to fulfill you, insofar as your addiction goes. Not even a hot smart doctor who makes passes at a married man.

I am glad you posted here and I think it's a great first step, but you MUST get help, not only for your marriage but yourself. Please talk to a friend and be as honest as you have been with us. Go to a SLAA meeting with an open mind.

Lastly, and i'm sorry if this comes across judgmental, but I am reading all about you, all about what you feel entitled to, about what's not good enough about your wife, about your self justifications to go ahead and cheat, about his you're embarrassed for your wife's lack if English skills. I haven't seen any concern for how cheating would devastate your wife, or about pleasing her sexually, about anything relating to your children, about appreciation for your wife and family. I could bw wrong but to me it dounds luke the narcissism of an addict. Do you can get your d*ck wet with this doctor chick.
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#155 ·
Ozzzy, there was more I had to say in my response yesterday but was heals tired, so here is the rest of what jumped out at me...

You said you have nothing in common, and complained that she goes along with your preferences.

To me, it sounds like she can't really please you. She lets you pick a restaurant... maybe she's being loving and sacrificing her own preference to please you. But if she likes different movies to you, then that's her not having things in common? Seems like a double bind to me.

I don't know who invented the "you have to hve stuff on common" rule, but it's bollocks. I hate my husband's movie choices! I'm a night person and he's not. I like seafood, he doesn't. He doesn't understand why i'm friends with certain people. We are both Christian but have distinct spiritual differences. I'm politically opinionated, he doesn't even vote. I can make a list of those things and call our relationship "incompatible" if I want a get out of jail free card. (That's another term I think is bollocks.) We have some things in common, and also some differences and the key is acceptance and compromise.

You have alot to say about your wife being lazy, dumb/not smart, poor English, money moocher, no longer a BJ vending machine. Some of those things may be partially true. But I don't see much appreciation coming from you. Okay, so she's hot and keeps a clean house. That's a start. Does she give you any sex at all, even though you withhold it from her like a weapon? YES! So she no longer does pornastics in bed. Okay, so things aren't quite the same, but sex is about more than performance and various acts.
Something you said that I thought was alarming was that even if you do have a sex addiction, then your wife should be the one fulfilling it. The problem with that is, if you are an addict, it is impossible for another person to fulfill you, insofar as your addiction goes. Not even a hot smart doctor who makes passes at a married man.

I am glad you posted here and I think it's a great first step, but you MUST get help, not only for your marriage but yourself. Please talk to a friend and be as honest as you have been with us. Go to a SLAA meeting with an open mind.

Lastly, and i'm sorry if this comes across judgmental, but I am reading all about you, all about what you feel entitled to, about what's not good enough about your wife, about your self justifications to go ahead and cheat, about his you're embarrassed for your wife's lack if English skills. I haven't seen any concern for how cheating would devastate your wife, or about pleasing her sexually, about anything relating to your children, about appreciation for your wife and family. I could be wrong but to me it sounds like the narcissism of an addict. Do you can get your d*ck wet with this doctor chick.
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#156 ·
YOU don't have a sh*tty wife, she has a sh*tty husband wanting to bone other women and justifying that bullsh*t in his head any way he possibly can.

I said it before and I will say it again, you are in NO position to give your wife ultimatums. I hope she tells you to shove it up your hypocritical @ss.
 
#166 ·
You are kidding yourself, and while you might fool yourself, you don't fool us. You're already out on the slippery slope. You are in danger of losing your 'control' to the chemicals in your brain. Have a look at this : m.youtube.com/watch?v=x-ewvCNguug
You are not immune, but you do have the chance to opt out, to use your rationality now.
 
#177 ·
You may have a small chance of saving your marriage



If you get a good counselor and you BOTH do what the counselor advises you may have a chance at salvaging your marriage.


If your wife is just making excuses about the sex that you talked about then I hope she realizes that sex is extremely important especially to a person their 20s and 30s and beyond. If she really is treating you badly she needs to change that or she will be divorced according to you.

If you are making unreasonable demands and wanting sex from her even if it hurts her then you are just a selfish punk


Even though sex is very imortant in your situation you have a ton of others things that need a lot of change. First you resent your wife, second you feel that she tricked (Hoax) you into getting married, and third you feel that she is not doing her share in the marriage and she has very little in common with you.


You have so many issues and maybe she does too but you definitely need a good counselor and you BOTH NEED TO CHANGE those things that are destroying your relationship


This is what will happen if you both do not make enough changes to get your marriage back into much better state:


You will divorce her and go after a woman that will satisfy your sexual desires and other things that you see lacking in your wife.

You will find out that unless you change for the better the new woman will eventually turn away from you. You need to learn that marriage is almost never a 50/50 deal and find out exactly what you can live within yourself as well as your wife.

You will have to pay child support and you will lose at least 50% of the time you now have with your children.

Your children will suffer emotionally and maybe facially for years to come. Insecurity is very damaging to children and there will be other damage also.






You laid out the way you see things pretty well and you probably are being honest about your views. It is just that your views are the views of a 29 year old that does not have a clear grasp of what life is. If you are smart you will find people that have lived a long time and been successful in life and then do what they did.

Your wife maybe needs to change some things about her but do you think that we are going to believe that 80-90% of your marriage problems are your wife?



Find out from a third party, that is a professional with success in marriage, as to what you and your wife need to do to save the marriage. If you both make enough changes you will save the marriage; if you do not then you will be after another woman before the end of this year. If you do not make the changes you need to make you will be in the same shape in your next marriage or relationship.
 
#178 ·
As they say in 12 steps, if you sit in the barber's chair long enough, you'll get a haircut. You are definotely in some denial my friend. I can't emphasise how important it is that you talk to someone face to face who is a real person in your world before you take a single step further

Just for a woman's perspective, I can tel you that I would be utterly devastated and so hurt if my husband had lunch with a woman he had fantasised about. Physical contact or not, that is cheating
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#179 ·
You think having lunch with a female who you sexually fantasise about and desire, who has made passes st you, is okay? If it's so innocent and platonic, then why don't you bring your wife along so they can be pals? Let alone tell her? See? Not that innocent is it?
If a male in my world made passes at me, or if I found myself in some way attracted to him, I would definitely keep my distance. If any man made passes at me, my husband would know about it, and I certainly would cut that man out of my life

You are not thinking soberly, and you are I no mental or emotional state to be making a sober judgment about your marriage like this. I have not seen you mention even once about how you think this would impact your wife or family. it's all about you wanting to put your **** in a hot smart doctor as opposed to your hot "dumb" wife. If it was up to me, I wouldn't be going for the home wrecker.

You may not intend to do anything sexual when you meet up for lunch, but the truth is, you don't know what you will do. You are powerless, because you think you are in control.and can handle playing with fire, when the very fact you are taking this step is evidence to your delusion.

Even if nothing happens, ot will make it harder and more painful for you to end this thing before it destroys your family and causes unimaginable pain.

You need to tell someone so they can help you before it's too late
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#181 ·
It doesn't work like that ozzzy. Your wife is not the source of your problems. It's not her, it's you. That's why the advice you get is focused on you. And that's good, because you can change your own behaviour and attitudes, if you want to. If you figure that out. You can dish out any ultimatum you want, but you probably won't succeed in changing your wife. Not in the way you intend to. You aren't honest enough. You aren't transparent enough. You do not communicate well enough.

Why? Because you are scared. You are ashamed. You don't accept or value yourself enough to present your true self to her. But you do expect her to somehow know exactly what you want, and to be happy to give it to you despite your refusal to be a good partner yourself. The other woman isn't paying enough attention to get that you aren't worthy yet. There could be any number of reasons for that, but they don't matter. She is irrelevant, it's about you, not her.

You have actively participated in creating your marriage, but you seem to think it can only change if your wife changes. That in fact, she is the one who must change, in order for it to survive. Well, you're wrong. Every single person who has taken the time to respond has said you are wrong. There is a good reason for that. Experience is an amazing teacher. We are trying to share the benefit of extremely painful lessons, while sparing you the first person experience of them.

You posted here for a reason. You are on a dangerous path, and you must know it, but you don't realize how far down the path you already are.

The answers and advice you are getting are sound. We aren't trying to trick you. We are trying to help you help yourself. We are trying to help you avoid more pain. To help you reach for a better life, a better marriage, but you need to do it. You need to accept reality and act accordingly. None of us can do that for you.
 
#185 · (Edited)
@ozzzy

Focus on improving your marriage and stop dating OW. Your wife have been faithful to you and you need to cherish her fidelity and loyalty at minimum. Nobody is perfect.

Ask those who have faced the problem of infidelity, it can destroy lives.

Read these books, if you haven't already:-

His Needs, Her Needs
Married Man Sex Life Primer
Not Just Friends

These books will improve your understanding about relationships, potential risks and your own inner faults.

Marriage is a like a journey in which ups and downs are expected. You are currently experiencing some chemical changes from external validation that you are getting from OW and not thinking rationally.

In addition, it is not wise to have ridiculous sex expectations from your wife. She isn't a porn star or trained in that fashion to please you like such women. Please be realistic with your expectations.

Furthermore, you may have some imperfections too that your wife tolerates but doesn't gives you such impression out of respect. Do not try to think that you are perfect and your wife is not. Work on your marriage.
 
#187 · (Edited)
@ozzzy

Think about positive attributes of your wife such as her faithfulness, intimacy, meeting your expectations, giving birth to your children, parenting qualities and vice versa. You should not take these qualities for granted.

Infidelity can destroy lives, ask those who have experienced it. You are experiencing chemical changes (within you) from external validation that you are getting from OW but you need to overcome this feeling with your sense of self-worth and esteem.

Nobody is perfect in life (including you). Think of this in this way that your wife is also coping with your imperfections because she loves you and overlooks your imperfections. So don't think that she is not perfect but you are.

Read the books that I have recommended in my previous response. These books will improve your understanding of relationships, women, destructiveness of infidelity and how can you improve yourself and relation/marriage with your woman.

Furthermore, it is not wise to have unrealistic intimacy related expectations from your spouse. If you watch (you know) then you should realized that your wife is not one of them and isn't expected to please you in equal fashion. If she is being intimate with you then you should respect this relationship and try to motivate her to do better but this motivation will not come from words. You will need to improve yourself first. Read the books that I have mentioned.
 
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#190 ·
You like each other, you feel good when you’re together, you like talking to him and exchanging intimate, funny or even sexy e-mails. He gets you. You joke, you flirt, you dress nicer when you meet him for lunch or drinks, you write long e-mails or tap out furtive text messages. The problem? He’s not your husband, and your husband doesn’t know about this guy—whether he’s your ex-boyfriend from college, your Facebook friend or your coworker. Is this the start of a beautiful (and innocent) friendship, or the beginning of the end of your marriage? And if there’s no sex, can you really call it infidelity? Yes—emotional infidelity. Here are some answers to common questions about nonsexual affairs.

What is the definition of emotional infidelity?
It’s an emotional connection with someone of the opposite sex that you keep a secret from your spouse, says Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs. Basically, emotional affairs occur when one partner is channeling physical or emotional energy, time and attention into someone other than the person they are in a committed relationship with to the point that their partner feels neglected.

What makes it such a big deal, if there’s no sex?
The marriage-damaging factor of affairs, it turns out, is far less about sex than it is about the total package of deception. “Most people, I’ve found, can recover from sexual infidelity more readily than from the fact that they were lied to,” says Vaughan. Finding out your partner’s been emotionally canoodling with someone else makes you think, “What can I believe about our life together? The big red flag is the secrecy. Emotional cheating is about breaking trust with your spouse, not having sex with someone else,” she adds.

How can I tell if the “friendship” I have is veering into emotional-affair territory?
Ask yourself: Am I doing things or talking about things with this person that I don’t do or talk about with my spouse? Am I going to complicated lengths to arrange time with this person? Am I either downplaying the relationship to friends or family members, or keeping it a secret altogether?

Is it more common these days?
Oh yes. Not only do we have the option to connect with someone at work, online “affairs” are rife, says Jessica LeRoy, founder and clinical director of the Center for the Psychology of Women. “Now, if you’re thinking about your old boyfriend, you can probably find him on Facebook.” Plus, online communication makes connection both easier and more intense, more quickly.

Why do people in emotional affairs deny they’re doing anything wrong?
Quite simply? Because there’s no sex. Many people have a hard time seeing what’s so wrong about this type of friendship. Culturally, we tend to believe that cheating is having sex with someone other than your spouse, period. But Vaughan says, “emotional affairs tend to escalate in increments,” from e-mails to lunch to drinks. Even as it gets more serious, it’s still easy to think of it as innocent because it’s “only” lunch. And before you know it, you’ve got a stack of secrets you’re keeping, and an emotional entanglement with someone else.

Does it mean the end of your marriage?
No, but it can be devastating if your spouse finds out, says Vaughan. “The person may suddenly feel as though she doesn’t know her partner.” If you’ve made a strong emotional connection with someone else, with or without sex, it can be very painful for your spouse. Also, “emotional affairs can lead to physical infidelity,” which only makes the deception worse and the disentanglement harder.

What should you do?
Back way off, says LeRoy. “Don’t respond to calls and e-mails as often while you disengage from this person.” Should you fess up? Probably not. The bigger deal you make of it, the harder it’ll be on your spouse. But you do have to nip the relationship in the bud. If you think you can shift the extramarital relationship back to something more innocent, you’re probably wrong, says Vaughan. This is a time when cold turkey is best, she recommends.
What Is Emotional Cheating - Emotional Infidelity Definition - Woman's Day
 
#192 ·
OP,

Here's a sure-fire way to determine if you're having an emotional affair or not. Ask yourself these questions:

1. How would you feel if your wife was standing right next to you while you were telling the Doctor Lady that you had the hots for her, and she for you? Would you feel comfortable in your own skin? I'm willing to bet the answer is 'no'.

2. How would you feel if another MAN was telling your wife that he had the hots for HER and she for HIM...AND, that they were going out to lunch together? Again, I'm willing to bet that you would be less than 'thrilled'.


Vega
 
#193 ·
Ozzzy...

This really is quite simple:

1. Cancel the lunch date with the OW

2. Get yourselves in to see a marriage counselor (and some individual counseling for you would be good too). During counseling, have an open discussion with your wife -- tell her EVERYTHING, including your feelings for OW, your dissatisfaction with your sex life, your concerns about finances, her education, English, etc. I'm sure she will have a long list for you as well.

3. Identify your needs and your wife's needs in this marriage

4. Decide whether or not both of your needs can be met

5. If your marriage is worth saving, you and your wife will make it happen. If not, it wasn't meant to be. File for divorce.
 
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