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I haven't cheated yet but I need help with what I should do with my marriage.

25K views 255 replies 45 participants last post by  Headspin 
#1 ·
This post might get kind of lengthy but there is a lot that I want to say in order to get the best advice that I can get. I’ve been reading here for a few months now and I know this is where I’ll end up if I end up cheating on my wife. I really want to avoid that but I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out.
I’ll start from the beginning. At the age of 20, I was working in a foreign country. I met my wife while she was there on a work visa. We hit it off immediately. Our relationship pretty much consisted of partying and sex. I barely knew her though at the time, that didn’t bother me. I was young and stupid and thought the key to finding a good wife was to get the one with the best t*ts and a$$.

Our relationship only went on for around 2 months before I had to come back to the states. I really missed her but I think I really missed all the sex. She was the most beautiful woman that I ever dated and I was young and stupid. Before I left, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. I started her process and she was here in America with me after around 7 months.
Life was good at first. She spoke a decent amount of English but it didn’t bother me much then. She wasn’t working so we pretty much just went out and had sex when I wasn’t at work. I actually enjoyed it and felt that I had a trophy wife.

After 2 years, we welcomed our first son who is now 7. We also have another son that will turn 2 soon. Now here is where the problem starts. WE ARE NOT COMPATIABLE AT ALL!!! I mean really, we have almost nothing in common. We don’t like the same types of movies, we are not into the same activities, and we don’t have the same types of friends. I've always wanted her to have her own identity but she tries too hard to gravitate towards what I like. If we go out to eat, I always get to choose the place. I want her to have her own mind and voice. We don’t even practice the same religion. She is Christian and I was Christian at one point of my life. Once I got older, I decided that I do not believe in God and I do not support Christianity although I do believe in some type of higher power. Also, sex has changed a great deal. She used to do anything sexually that I asked but now she doesn’t. She does not want to give blow jobs anymore because she says it’s disgusting. We don’t do doggy style anymore because she says it is painful. I’m so sexually frustrated that I can’t even get it up for her anymore. Trust me, that’s saying a lot since she is a very beautiful person. She constantly has guys trying to hit on her and I only bring that up to prove that she is very attractive.

For a long time, I’ve tried to mold her into the woman that I wanted her to be. She speaks English pretty well but her reading and writing is pretty bad. If I had to guess, I would say that she reads and writes on a 5th grade level. I’ve tried putting her in college courses and that hasn’t helped. The first time, I was stupid and did all the work for her. I wrote all her essays for her English class and she got an A. However, she didn’t learn anything at all and pretty much relied on me. She is currently taking classes and it pisses me off when she pretends to be tired during the week and then when the assignment is finally due, she pesters me to help her with it and I end up pretty much doing it for her.

Money: I grew up under the assumption that a man should pay for everything. She’s been working since 2006 and contributes very little if anything to bills. At first, it didn’t bother me but as I’ve gotten older, it’s really getting to me. I see how other women treat their husbands and how things are split equally. All my wife pays is the electric bill which is $150 a month. I pay all of the other bills included house note, insurance, food, diapers, etc… Even then, she complains if the electric bill is over $150 per month.

Present: There’s a woman that I’ve been talking to. She is younger than me but pretty attractive. She’s made it evident that she is interested in me but I’ve been trying to keep my distance. She is very smart and is currently in medical school. She knows that I’m married and that I have a ton of issues with my wife. We have not have sex or even went out yet but I can definitely see both of those things happening in the future. Even if things didn’t work out between me and this woman, I’m actually intrigued that I could potentially be with someone like this who could make me happy. Someone who is smart and wouldn’t mind supporting the family financially. I’ve been having sexual fantasies about this other woman and in these fantasies, I see myself doing things to her that I wish I could do with my wife. I know that if I was happy in my marriage, I wouldn’t be having these fantasies.

So here I am. What should I do? I would feel like an absolute ******* if I told my wife that I’m divorcing her. She is happy and the kids are happy. I’ve given her this life and I would be taking it away from them. There’s no way she could afford this house by herself so she would have to move somewhere smaller or move back to her country with the kids. I love both my sons but I feel that I deserve to be happy too. I know that if I keep talking to this other woman, we will end up having sex and getting more serious. My wife now has no intention of bettering herself and she seems like she would be happy being beautiful and illiterate for the rest of her life. Still, that’s my fault because I married her and brought her here for all the wrong reasons. Should I just accept the fact that I will be forced to lie in this bed for the rest of my life or should I try to pursue my own happiness even if it means that my wife and kids won’t live as comfortably as before? By the way, I’m around 29 years old and my wife is a couple years younger.
 
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#2 ·
There is no way that you should cheat. Cheating is about as stupid as it gets.

You are not happy with your wife.

Your wife is not here to speak for herself or defend herself. So I'm going to take your ranting against with a grain of salt.

For example, she says that doggy style hurts. Well it might. She's had children and thing can happen. You make no mention of any concern for her at all.

Does your wife know how you feel about her? If she did she would probably be devastated.

My suggestion is that you get into some individual counseling to truly explore if this is a phase and if you can work through all this. Maybe also read the book "His Needs, Her Needs" as well.

Your life is not guaranteed to be better if you do hook up with a woman like the medical student. I have news for you about medical students. They dump the people they date/marry once they are done with their residency... been there done that. You will be beneath her once she's done with her training. she will be talking about you in the same way you talk about your wife.

The grass is always greener on the other side.. till you get there.
 
#3 · (Edited)
No my wife does not know how I feel because if I told her everything I posted here, I know it will be the end of our relationship. She does know about the various things that I'm unhappy with such as money but we end up fighting about it when I bring it up. We've tried counseling twice and both times, she decided to quit after a couple sessions because she didn't think that someone else telling us what to do could help us.

I don't think I will run off with the medical student and live happily ever after. It's just talking to her has opened my eyes to the fact that I could be with someone who has common interests, satisfies me sexually, and is an all around smart individual. Right now, I'm getting none of those things in this marriage.
 
#4 ·
Number one, it is no ones job but your own to make you happy.

Two, if this other woman is willing to be with you, as a cheater, what does that say about her?
What values must she have? What value do you show? Not much in either case.

Three, what does it say about you, if you're willing to cheat. You say you've been reading here for sometime. You say you are intelligent. Does your intelligence include reading comprehension? Have you read one single story here about infidelity that resulted in an improved situation because of the infidelity? No, you haven't, because it doesn't fix things. It makes them infinitely worse.

It is wretched, and horrible, and it has incredibly far reaching consequenses, that you'll never think of as you try to justify your actions.

Don't mention your sons as you contemplate infidelity, you selfish prick. If you cheat on your wife, you cheat them too, don't kid yourself, and don't bull**** us.

There is no justification for cheating. Don't blame your wife, it has nothing to do with her. It is all about you. So if things are so bad, change you. If its about sex, what are you doing to turn her on? Enough? How do you know? Do you actually ask her?

About her reading and writing, rather than do it for her, try doing it with her. Get her to read to you for a while each day. 15 minutes or half an hour. Help her. Build some common ground together.

If you really believe its hopeless though, you get a divorce, and finish it before you start up with anyone else. That's far less painful for everyone than betrayal.
 
#8 ·
I really don't want to cheat and that's why I'm here. I'm only human and going through my day to day trials, I find myself becoming tempted to do something that I shouldn't. We've been married for almost a decade and I've never cheated. Now, I just feel like my body is tired and I want to feel loved again. Honestly, I feel that she is comfortable with our arrangement and is doing nothing to help the marriage.

For sex, I don't bother trying to push her anymore. I can kiss her and tell her how beautiful she is all day. At the end of the day, I end up getting turned off because she doesn't pleasure me when we have sex and she doesn't want to do any of the things that I enjoy sexually. All she does during sex is complain.

There's an old saying that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force him to drink. I've tried sitting down with her every day to try to work on her skills but she doesn't really seem interested. During the day, she's at work. When the kids are finally asleep at around 9 or 10, she is more interested in going to bed or watching TV. When she needs to send an email at work, she texts/calls me and asks me what she should write. It doesn't bother me until the next time she asks about another email and some of the questions are the same exact questions that she asked before. I just feel that I'm her crutch and she feels that as long as I'm around, she won't have to stand on her own 2 feet. I'm not trying to make fun of her or talk down on her. I personally know people that came to this country and learned things that even people born here have trouble with. I know that if she applied herself, she could do it but as I said, she is uninterested.
 
#5 ·
Remember that generally, each spouse is 50% responsible for the state of the marriage.

What are you doing that diminishes your marriage? How much time a week do you spend with your wife, just the two of you doing date-like things? It takes 15 hours a week of quality time with our wife to maintain the passion/love in a marriage. Do you date your wife?

Take a look at each issue and see if there is a way to improve each one.. one at a time. Finances.
Get the book “His Needs, Her Needs”, read it, get her to read it. Then talk about your needs and her needs and how to fill them. When it comes to finances talk about how you need more of a financial partnership.

One way to work this is to put all income into a joint account. Put some in savings, pay the bills and then the two of you split what is left over. That way you both get exactly the same amount of spending money each month. That might go over better than asking her to pay more bills. This way it’s equal and fair. A good book to read on finances is “Smart Couples Finish Rich”. It might help if the two of you read it.

I’m not against divorce if there are things like abuse in a marriage. But often times, divorce does not solve problems, it just cause more of them. Throw an affair or two into the mix and life becomes hell.

You have told us about your wife’s flaws. We know that you have flaws as well. What would your wife say are your flaws? What do you say your flaws are?
 
#10 ·
I'm sure I do have flaws too. The difference is that I actually try to work on my flaws. If she tells me I stink, I take a shower instead of telling her to deal with it. I think this is why I have so much resentment in my heart. Every issue in this thread, we've discussed at different times, if she put it all together, she would see that I'm at the end of my rope.

Also, a joint account doesn't work for us. She likes to spend money on things that she doesn't need. I like to budget and save for a rainy day. She is the type that may go out and buy a $180 pair of shoes from a store. I can't afford to try to pay a bill and not have enough because she overspent. Believe me, I'd love to have a joint account but it just isn't happening. Since I've always paid the bills and took care of her, she is under the impression that money grows on trees for me.
 
#6 ·
Reading your second post, get your head out of your ass, and start being honest with your wife. What, is she supposed to be psychic, and just know exactly what your problems are?

Be trustworthy (by being honest), and be trusting. She gets to make her own decisions. Not telling her the truth is manipulative, and controlling, and will fail. You cannot control other people. You need to do a better job of controlling yourself, let alone anyone else.
 
#7 ·
Cheating is a very bad move. If divorcing your wife will hurt horribly, cheating will not make her feel good either if she discovers it. If she doesn't discover it, you will still know the truth, i.e., that your moral character is defective.

You don't need your sons growing up and saying that when he was 8 dad cheated on mom and they got divorced as the introduction to the how-my-troubles-began saga.

You resent your wife but do you not love her?

Doggy style is fun, but there are many other positions. Won't she do reverse cowgirl on demand?

Do you think you can change all the aspects of her behavior that irritate you at once. Perhaps you should put the school up first. If she does better in school, she may be more likely to get a better job.

You ought to use MC to discuss your marriage but without ultimatums. After all you enabled some of the negatives here.

What is good about your wife? Does she treat you well at all?

Are you ashamed that she is not educated and cultured and never will be?
 
#11 ·
I know that I've enabled some of this behavior and that part has me feeling like I can't go even if I wanted to. She is good in a lot of ways. She takes care of the kids exceptionally well. She cooks and keeps a very neat house. As far as her literacy, it is sort of embarrassing sometimes. My 7 year old often comes home from school with words that she doesn't' even know. She makes no conscious effort to try to learn them because I'm here. I don't know what she would do if I wasn't here.
 
#13 ·
OP, you are a stupid a** that maybe has come to see the light of truth about your relation. Now your first job is to try to see the light of truth about yourself.

The problem is not her, the relation, or the wonderful alternatives in this world.

The problem is YOU.
 
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#14 ·
Everything I've read here points more to you having issues than any problems your wife may or not have. Seems to me you have a loving wife that really tries hard to please you and all you can do is complain. How involved are you in taking care of the children? How involved are you in household chores? You seem to want your wife to change in so many ways. Does she even have the time or the energy to do these things? It sounds to me that you are just looking for excuses to dump your wife rather than accept her as an individual and grow with her.
 
#15 ·
I'm curious as to what part of my post points to the fact that I'm the one with the problem. Everything I've said here is true. I'm not saying that I don't have my faults because I'm sure there are things in this marriage that she wants me to work on. Are you saying that the reason why the sex isn't great and that she's lazy is all my fault? Should she take any sort of responsibility in this marriage or is everything on my shoulders because I'm a man?

To answer your other question, I'm very involved in household chores. I do help with the cleaning and I do all the landscaping myself. I take my son to school on a regular basis and I pay his tuition for after school care. Whenever I ask her to help pay for that, she gets an attitude with me.
 
#18 ·
Is he dissatisfied or fogging because he's lusting after another woman. We've seen it so much that WS's demonize their husbands/wives to justify cheating. Isn't that exactly what he's doing here. By his own admission his wife is exactly what she was when he fell in love with her. So what is it other than fog thinking. And I beg to differ but it seems to me he's already in an EA with this other woman. So the dopamine has already started to flow and he's reacting just like any other cheater.

Edited to add: Their son is now 7. 7 year itch?
 
#20 ·
Ozzzy - how do you feel about plainly explaining to your wife that you are unhappy and thinking of divorce.

If you have not already done this it could be the spur to make her sit up and take notice and work WITH you to improve things. My gut feeling is that you are a couple who have the potential to be happy and contented TOGETHER, but is gonna take some alot of self awareness and work but it'll be well worth it.

Whatever happens, don't cheat. Get divorced before you get with other women.

Meanwhile stop all contact with the woman you are tempted to cheat with so you can think more clearly.
 
#21 ·
She's not illiterate or dyslexic. English is her second language. 5th grade language skills for a second language is pretty damn good. Instead of college courses, has she enrolled in any ESL courses at the local community college?

She works full time, comes home to two young children. She takes an interest in the same TV shows you like, lets you pick the restaurant. Sounds like she wants to please you. Talk with her about your expectations. What do you need from her? And vice versa. You owe it to her to be open and honest with her in regards to your needs and expectations. When you proposed to her after a few months of knowing her, it was a de facto invitation that she would move to a foreign land, and you would take care of her.

Did you feel this way before you met Dr. Hot Stuff? Sometimes when we meet someone new and they have that new car smell we then look for faults on the older model.
 
#34 ·
ESL courses? Lol! I've talked about those courses until I turned blue in the face. She never wanted to take those because she felt she didn't need it (she also has a friend that told her that the course was a waste of time). The only courses she has taken is at our local community college and I helped her pass all of them. The only one she failed was math and that was because the final was at the school.

And yes, I felt this way before I met "Dr. Hot Stuff". I've just tried to suppress these feelings and hope that things get better. I've tried to stick around for the kids but now, things are starting to come out of me and I don't know how much longer I can go through with this. Maybe it is the new car smell or the fog that I keep reading about. All I want is for me wife to get off her ass and become my equal.

I'm not asking her to become a surgeon. I want her to pay her share of the bills and put out sexually like someone her age should. It's not fair for one partner to live happily and comfortable while the other is unhappy and stressed out.
 
#23 ·
Stepping back, I see this as a guy who married the pretty, shiny thing he saw and now it's not quite as shiny anymore.

Marriage evolves, dude. You can still have hot sex 7+ years into your marriage, but it WILL slow down. Things will settle and eventually your love for the person grows and you learn to appreciate other things about them.

I do understand your frustrations about her leaning on you too much still, when she's had time to acclimate and learn more. I think you should have a real heart-to-heart with her about that. Tell her that it's hurting your relationship and you really need her to ATTEMPT to be more self-sufficient with that one thing.

Don't attack her about everything at once. Pick the thing that she can really control and do something about.

Confident people feel sexy. When she was in her own country, she was in her element, and confident. Now, she's always second guessing herself and probably feels dumb. You want more and better sex? Encourage her to be more independent and confident.
 
#24 ·
Dude, you don't want a wife, you want an entertainment source.

Here is the reality about relationships: a new partner is always more exciting than a familiar one, because newness in itself stimulates excitement. However, if you make excitement your number one priority you'll just end up bouncing from person to person. In the end you get sick of the shallowness and long for deep connection again. This is why movie stars and rock stars get married. They can have sex with a new partner every day, yet they still marry and have kids. Why? Because excitement is trumped by deep connection.

Therefore, the only way you will overcome this rut and the temptation of someone new is to build your connection with your wife. You will never be able to compare the excitement you get with your wife with the excitement of a new partner and have your wife win, so don't even try. Doing that will just lead to justification for cheating.

I'll say it again: the only way out of this that will lead to a better place for you is to build a stronger connection with your wife. This is your one and only good solution. End of story.

ozzzy said:
I just feel that I'm her crutch and she feels that as long as I'm around, she won't have to stand on her own 2 feet.
You're her husband. I bet she is from a more traditional culture and she expects her husband to, you know, be a husband instead of a FWB whom he lives with. Look at her father for inspiration of the sort of man she might expect. If he's not a great example, check out strong male role models from her own culture. Get a bit of her perspective.

ozzzy said:
I personally know people that came to this country and learned things that even people born here have trouble with. I know that if she applied herself, she could do it but as I said, she is uninterested.
She has interests. Engage her in the things she is genuinely interested in, instead of trying to mold her. She's not your employee to train up.
 
#25 ·
Secondly, she gave up everything to start a new life with you—family, friends, familiarity. All of her childhood memories are from somewhere else. She is raising kids away from her home support network. Her children are growing up in a different culture to her own, in a society with different priorities and values.

Do you have any idea how much these things mean for a woman? Think about that for a while.
 
#27 · (Edited)
At least you came on here before you cheated as you said yourself.

However you are in fact cheating. You are in an EA - it just hasn't gone PA yet. You are one of those people who thinks an EA isn't cheating. It is. Look up emotional affairs. You tick all the boxes.

I'm going to be honest about the impression I got from what you wrote. It is only my opinion but I'm going to give it to you straight.

Truth is you are not in love with your wife and you haven't been for a long time.

Do you think she doesn't know? Do you think that might be connected with the fact that she's not attracted to you now? Or do you think she is too dumb to see it?

You didn't have one good thing to say about her except for her looks. There was a deep disrespect in what you said. You spoke about her looks, the sex and the partying, the 'trophy wife', her illiteracy, the fact that she doesn't pay more bills, choose restaurants etc

You thought you deserved better a long time ago. And so you tried mould her into someone else. You imposed all your own standards on her. It's no wonder she goes to classes and then gets you to help her. She probably doesn't want to but does it for you instead of for herself. You can't force anyone - you can try. And so what if she doesn't want to "better herself" by your standards.

But you were young and stupid right? And so was she, I might add. But you continued to be young and stupid and then married her and had children with her?

So what to do? I cant imagine you falling back in love with your BS even if she put herself through medical school. All the counselling in the world won't do anything unless your BS morphs into the wife you think you deserve. At counselling you would have to be honest and tell her everything that's wrong. Which is a lot. I would ask, what's good about it.

My feeling is that D is your only option. Yes, you will break your BS's heart and break up the family. But what is the alternative? That your children grow up with a disgruntled Dad who feels he deserves better and grapples to prevent himself having an affair? And a mother who deep down realises that her husband neither loves nor respects her?

The worst of all possible worlds is if you continue to have an EA. Break all contact with OW immediately - today. Tell her you want to work on your marriage though you in fact may be going to work on your divorce. It matters little which it is. If you have any respect for your BS, the mother of your children, regardless of what you feel about her, at least do that. You can pursue OW or any other woman as soon as you are divorced.

NC will also make you realise what it will be like if you decide to stay. No more secret women friends - ever.

Once you have done NC, work out the best divorce for your family. What will you do if your BS moves back to her country? Do you think you could persuade her to stay in the U.S.? Can you get a small flat and at least allow your family to stay in the family home?

I may seem cruel in what I say. I'm not. I'm just stating the reality as I see it. And sometimes marriages fail. In fact 50% do and that's just how it is. With that comes a lot of pain. But the only way to make it worse is to have a 3rd person in your marriage. Which is why NC is the first thing you must do.

Also consider if you found your BS was hanging out with some guy behind your back, spending time with him and discussing your marriage with him and wanting to sleep with him while knowing it was only a matter of time until she did?

It's gut-wrenching for the injured party.

So is there any life left at all in your marriage? Can you really see yourself being in love with BS again and happy, even if she doesn't polish up her English, or get a better job, or suggest restaurants etc?

That is what you have to decide.
 
#37 ·
You pretty much told my life story and I can't deny it. I was hoping I could find a good reason to try to salvage our marriage but it appears that things most likely won't change. I'll probably try to break contact with the OM but I mainly just want to make a decision on my marriage. I'm going to suggest that we go to marriage counseling and then I will present her with an ultimatum. If she loves me than she will accept it. Otherwise, we have to go separate ways. It hurts for me to think about it but she has to be on her own for a while to understand what I've been going through all these years trying to keep our household going.

If I knew she was talking to other men behind my back, I would be pretty upset. There were a few times (mostly the first couple years that she arrived here) that she had inappropriate conversations with other men. Our marriage was so new that none of the current issues we have could have been the cause. Still, I chose to keep her and build a life together.
 
#28 ·
If a woman came an explained that she married a man who did not contribute economically and was unsuccessful in school, probably some would say dump his sorry azz asap. So, don't gloss over the problems in this relationship.

OP,

How did you come into contact with the doctor woman? Is is a work relationship?

If it is outside of work, it counts as a intentional EA that you must end immediately.

If it is at work, that may be more complicated. But avoid anything but professional contact.

Get into your hobbies, work out and socialize with and without your wife. By socializing I don't mean dating.

Listen to your wife when she talks repeat what says back so that she knows you got it. Do not help her pass tests or otherwise enable her dependent behavior. If she fails, tell her it is not good. But do not lecture her. Keep your communication spartan and effective, be a leader.

Be a leader in bed. Start seducing her. Make her feel you are almost a new guy. One who wants her.

If she rejects you, eventually you need to go to MC. When you have made a real effort, then you can explore the idea of divorce.

Also, imagine life without her. Does she love you? Do you love her. If you are dead inside, then you must divorce but don't assume divorce is going resolve everything.
 
#31 ·
If a woman came an explained that she married a man who did not contribute economically and was unsuccessful in school, probably some would say dump his sorry azz asap. So, don't gloss over the problems in this relationship.
If a woman came on TAM and told us she married a guy who was an unemployed bum and flunked out of school but married him anyway I would tell her she got what she should have.

But that isn't the case here. The OP went into this relationship with an expectation of supporting his wife in every way. He admits that this was how he was raised and how he was when they married. Now he wants to change that dynamic? Ok, but don't sit here and complain about it. Talk with her and work WITH HER to change the dynamic. As for school, this woman came to a foreign country that speaks another language and is having difficulty in school. Wow, what a surprise! She wasn't in school when they met. Maybe she doesn't even want to go to school? Maybe that's all his idea? Maybe he should talk to her?

See that's the problem. He's not talking to her. He's looking for reasons to cheat on her. I find that unacceptable.
 
#29 ·
I've always wanted her to have her own identity but she tries too hard to gravitate towards what I like. If we go out to eat, I always get to choose the place. I want her to have her own mind and voice. We don’t even practice the same religion. She is Christian and I was Christian at one point of my life. Once I got older, I decided that I do not believe in God and I do not support Christianity although I do believe in some type of higher power.

For a long time, I’ve tried to mold her into the woman that I wanted her to be.
Sounds like youre talking out of both sides your mouth my man. Perhaps you want a woman with her "own identity" as long as she follows your blueprint. Good luck finding that.
In the final analysis, I agree with Bfree. You want to get in this other chicks pants, (the motive), you probably have the opportunity, and you're looking for justification.
The "money" situation is an easy fix. Have three accounts; his, hers, and ours. Work out a deal where you put the general operating expense money in the joint account. Sometimes this arrangement may require a little persuasion, if you know what I mean, on the part of spouse the previously having the least discretionary funds after the bills are taken care of.
 
#35 ·
I am sorry, but who the f'ck do you think you are? YOU are going to give your wife an ultimatum? YOU who is talking to another woman about your marital issues? YOU who is lusting after said other woman? YOU that is pulling the ol bait n switch?

Your wife was good enough to f'ck and good enough to marry, but now she just doesn't cut it?

You know what? Do your wife a favor and divorce her so she can meet a guy that won't pull her apart to justify him lusting after someone else in his head, m'kay.
 
#36 ·
Ok, so your wife isn't "illiterate" at all. Only deficient in English. But speaks and writes her native tongue beautifully. This is a far cry from being an uneducated illiterate.

You have made your bed. Either lie in it, or get out. It's that simple.

But quit portraying your wife in a bad light. She has done nothing wrong. As for the lack of doggie-style (and all the other positions you miss) flip her over and TAKE her. I have a strong feeling she will actually enjoy it. Quit p*ssy-footing over your sex life as an excuse to screw the female doc.

And quit whining.
 
#41 · (Edited)
Well I guess on observation would be that your posts seem very focused on you...you...and your wants, needs and desires. How you have tried to change her to be the women you want her to be. It may be just the way you writing but you sound very selfish and immature. Going outside your marriage to solve your problems is only going to create more problems. Your wife can't work on her issues if you don't let her know what the are and how serious you are..she is not a mind reader. If my hubby was always complaining about me and wanting to change me ....I wouldn't feel to loved...I would feel used. Have you asked her how she feels ...have you tried figuring out what went wrong in your relationship?

Honestly looks more like your busy planning your exit and trying to justify it to yourself. You say you don't want to cheat...then man up and don't. Deal with your marriage. You cannot change other people, you can though focus on yourself and how you have contributed to the breakdown of your marriage.
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#43 ·
How do you know Dr. Hot Stuff would satisfy you sexually?

She may be smart and beautiful, but could be lousy in bed. Are we sure you haven't taken a test drive?
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#44 ·
Wow! The contempt that OP has for his foreign wife is appalling. She would be lucky if he left her for Ms. Doctor. What a d!ckwad!

My parents were from a foreign country and my mother was highly educated but spoke broken English with poor grammar her entire life. Why don't you try learning a foreign language, OP, and see how far you advance. People over 20 yo learning a foreign language have difficulty achieving beyond 8th grade level.

Your wife takes loving care of your kids; they are at a highly demanding age requiring lots of attention and energy from their caregiver. I could barely get meals going and clean up when my kids were that age, let alone try to "better" myself making more money and learning a foreign language.

She keeps a lovely home for you, tries to please you by learning your interests, but that not good enough for you. How much you take for granted, OP . How entitled you are! Ugh! She deserves better than you.
 
#45 ·
You are re-inventing the history of your marriage and your wife. Why? So you can justify cheating on her and your boys.

You seem to think she is stupid. Well, you pulled the wool over her eyes, by pretending to be something you are not, so maybe you have a point?:scratchhead: Really? No. Not really. She isn't stupid.

Get yourself sorted out, dude. Start being the husband and father you should be.:mad:

She and your boys deserve better treatment from you. No cheating. Which includes stopping your whiny little: "My stupid foreign wife doesn't understand me" EA, OK?

Divorce? Don't leave your kids living in a hovel. You want a divorce? They you give them the lion's share. You volunteer to live in a hovel, you eat noodles, you wear shoes with cardboard insoles and patched clothing.

Why? They didn't ask to be born. You need to be a man.
 
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