03-30-2011, 05:54 PM
Join Date: Sep 2010
| | Re: Recovering From Infidelity
Originally Posted by HungUp
I hope this is seen as a genuine question rather than dig, but I find it somewhat confusing how someone who has had an affair themselves can struggle so much with their own spouse having an affair.
Obviously I understand it being difficult and the unpleasant thoughts, but surely being a DS yourself (a non-directed 'yourself') would be in the best position possible to understand the hows, and whys of it all. Can you not somehow relate your own needs and experiences to that of your spouses?
In a probably unfair way, I see it a bit like 'if it's good for the goose it's good for the gander'.
A fair observation and no offense taken.
I don't completely understand it myself, but I have come to this;
When I had an affair, the guilt tore me apart inside. As I posted, I thought that I was in love with the OW, but knew that my wife and I had so much together and had been so far. It wasn't enough to make me stop, but I couldn't take it and told my wife about two months into the affair. When she had an affair three years before this, she never told me at the time. Her affair lasted about three months and she only stopped when I got suspicious and confronted her about a lot of things. There is a part of me that resents that and that she could keep it to herself and still not tell me what was wrong with our marriage.
There is a part of me that thinks "If she did it once, she can do it again."
That feeling is subsiding. I know that she loves me and only me and only wants to be with me.
Hopefully in time, the suspicions and hurt will be gone completely.