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suspicious behavior...

89K views 236 replies 74 participants last post by  happi_g_more2 
#1 ·
Hello all,

Recently, I have become very suspicious about my wife’s behaviour.

I would just like to know what others have done to find out if their spouse has cheated.

I’ve thought about checking her phone, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do that.

Thanks in advance.
 
#4 ·
Maybe start by looking at the phone bill for an excessive amount of calls/texts to a given number (or numbers) that you don't recognize.

What type of phone does she have?
 
#5 ·
Just saw your other comment from http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/184529-am-i-reading-into-things.html ...

I've been really suspicious of my wife recently as well. Something I've noticed is that she comes home an hour or two later than she normally would some days. She won't kiss me or come close to me before taking a shower, and she throws all of her clothes in the washing machine before taking a shower. Claims she's "sweaty"...
She may very well be "sweaty". The question is WHY...? Either way, these are all very bad signs. HUGE red flags.
 
#7 ·
She has an iPhone.

Recently she started an Art Class that she attends once a week, and after the class she usually stays out to have dinner with her classmates. The class ends around 8 and she arrives home arround 10. A few weeks into the course she came home tipsy.

Now I've noticed after class she's too tired to... But I understand because she has to get up early for work the following day. These nights too, occassionaly, not always, she wants to hit the shower before coming to bed. This is not very unusual for her. The thing that is bugging me is that she brings up the teacher every now and again, how interesting his life has been. I know the guy is married, but something just feels off...
 
#10 ·
I don't think this is a question about man-ing up enough. I think what your asking is if this is proper or not. I had the same question. Am I being a creep for looking at her phone records? I asked a doctor type (Who deals with this) and she said it was totally NOT creepy and if there were similar circumstances she would do it. If you find a number thats texted or called all the time *And its not you and its not the home phone? I can't explain how bad it feels to know something is going on. On the other hand if you look at the phone bill for the last year and there is no pattern? I would take that phone snooping secret to the grave.

For whatever this is worth - I think you should not show the "proof" until you've figured out what to do. Maybe Marriage therapist - expert advice and not the internet. Don't do anything you can't undo without spending some time to think rationally.

I hope you don't find anything.
 
#11 ·
Tuborg I'm seeing red flags briskly waving in the breeze: Obsessing about the "teacher;" late "dinners" after class; when she finally does wander in, no hugs or even coming near you until she showers; immediately tosses clothes in the wash. I mean, how "sweaty" can you get just going to dinner after class? Something smells, and it's not her sweatiness. Grab her underwear from the hamper and have it checked. I'd be surprised if there might not be some kind of foreign substance in the crotch area. Luck to you in your quest. I truly hope you don't find anything....sincerely.
 
#13 ·
I'd probably start by asking what the deal is with the showering and washing clothes after art class. Don't ask it in a suspicious manner, laugh at it and ask if she's working with hazardous materials? See what she says.

Or you can simply ask her if there's something you both need to talk about in regards to your marriage, is she happy? is there something that needs to be fixed? should you go to counselor?

If you suspect she may be having an emotional or physical affair, do not ask her or accuse her. Let her do what she does and go where she goes. The first thing I did to determine if my wife was cheating were:

Follow her after class or meeting. Wait in parking lot of restaurant if another late night dinner with class happens.


Ask her closed end questions like:
How was class? What did you do in class? Where did you meet for after class dinner? Have you made any new friends in class? Is the teacher a good artist? Let her talk, and listen.
If she gets evasive or defensive, something is up.


Next check your phone and mobile bill. Look for late night calls or texts (after 7pm)
Look for texts or calls made on the dates of the class. Look for grouped texts from same number. If same number keeps appearing at times you are not together (at work, after bedtime, late nights, while shopping or at friends house) you have a red flag.

This is when I looked at the phone logs and texts.

look at phone log for all incoming, outgoing and missed calls.
If the frequent or suspicious phone number doesnt show on phone as it does on bill, its been deleted. Red Flag.
Look at her phone text history. If you don't find revealing texts from OM,(usually deleted ) look at her best friend's messages for any signs of meeting or talking about OM. If that's the case then my next step would be to Dr. Fone by wondershare.com. Undeletes all texts on phone.

Other ways to get proof or ease your mind:
Check bank statements for unusual debits or large cash withdraws before late nights. Check pockets of coats, look for reciepts for pharmacy, restaurants and bars, gas stations in other parts of town. Check for new underwear purchases, hair appointments, hotels.

The showering after art class and dinner is a serious red flag.
Immediately washing clothes is too. Unplug the washer when she's at the next art class. Examine clothing for mens cologne, look at undies for residue.

I'm not a professional, and don't know the legalities of my suggestions, and I've gone farther than this when exposing my WW's affair. I hope it works out for you.

Cheers
 
#16 ·
usually they say to trust ur gut and ur gut is clearly saying to u that something is up....now from wat ive read and since ive been screwed over by my stbxw, i understand why ur thinking something is up.....but there is def. no obvious signs of cheating......u say she started an art class and that people are going out after for dinner or drinks or whatever......right there she is either going out with the teacher one on one or in a small group or it truly is a dinner afterwards and theyre discussing art or whatever.....this can be confirmed by tailing her after she leaves the class. Secondly she comes home and wants to have a shower becuz shes sweaty. Well this is a tad concerning. Altho u did state that she sometimes does shower at night. So shes either going out one on one with the teacher and bangin him and she needs to change becuz she got all sweaty and smells of him or she just has a sweat problem and she truly just wants to shower. The no sex thing doesnt help things altho i think women at times just would rather do something else than sex. I know I found myself checking my x wifes panties to see if there was something amiss, but without checking with a dna guy, good luck figuring out wats up with them. Good luck to u but u need to tail her and ck her phone, becuz all women love to text and that is going to be their main form of communication. Also put a VAR in her car. You'll get lots of info if that works out for u.
 
#17 ·
People are generally creatures of habit and if the patterns suddenly change you should take notice. One item out of the norm usually is not a big deal but from your post and things mentioned in your other posts it looks like several things are happening at once which should cause some concern especially the not kissing before showering after being out.

How long as she been attending this art class? Bring yourself to check the phone, internet usage. Does she use facebook a great deal? Start doing some research and force yourself to do it. Something has caught her eye from the sounds of it. She may just have an admiration for the teacher. She may be trying to earn extra credit…if your suspisious of something your best bet is digging and find out now, not waiting. Don’t think you can ask her and the more you question her the more she will try to hide something if something is going on.

Has she ever invited you to meet after class when they go out? Have you asked and she said no?
 
#22 ·
Tuborg:
If you have suspicions and you can't bring yourself to check her phone, if for nothing else than to put your mind at ease, you are doomed to have problems. You need to do two things in my opinion to ease your mind or confirm your suspicions. You need to check the phone and you need to go to the art class to see what's going on. If your 'tummy' is telling you something is wrong, then usually something is wrong. Stop talking about it and analyzing the situation just go and do something.
 
#23 ·
Too few details to get anything but the standard copy paste but here.
30 cheating wives and 2 cheating husbands hate me.

Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” Any of this sound familiar? If your wife comes home from an alone time does she immediately change liners, change panties possibly even immediately laundering them?, shower? This can be an after the fact clean up.

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.
Rule 1 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 2 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.
Rule 3 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding.

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts with little evidence RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY!

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 or ICDPX333 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY a cheap VAR. SONY SONY SONY. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon here IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or less often in the aisle with the fasteners like screws. The velcro pack is mostly blue with a yellow top. Clear pack shows the vecro color which is black or white.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Amazon has a pen VAR that can be placed in a purse or other small place to get remote conversations. Yes the pen works.

IMPORTANT warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or activity... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for four men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality.

Lets be very clear about what the VAR is for and is not for. It will not be court admissible evidence. It is not for the confrontation. IT IS TO GET YOU AHEAD OF THE AFFAIR so you can gain other real evidence by knowing the who and when. NEVER MENTION YOUR VAR EVIDENCE. As far as the cheater is concerned, they were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. There is even a locator webpage you can track with. Amazon sells a semen detection kit called checkmate.

Look for a burner phone. This is a second phone from a prepay service just used for cheating communications. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone" They don't use their main phone for cheating purposes.

There is an app out there called teensafe. Its for both Iphone and Android. It monitors texts, GPS and facebook. Needs no jailbreak. Not perfect and delayed but no jailbreak required.

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex

If he uses chrome or firefox, there is probably a list of saved passwords you can look at. Even if his email isn't saved there, people usually only use a couple of different passwords, so one from the list might work.

For firefox it's Tools -> Options -> Security -> Saved Passwords

For Chrome it's the little box with three bars in the top right -> Settings - Show advanced settings -> Managed saved passwords

If paternity is in doubt, (gredit graywolf2) SNP Microarray: Unlike amniocentesis, a non-invasive prenatal paternity test does not require a needle inserted into the mother’s womb. The SNP microarray procedure uses new technology that involves preserving and analyzing the baby’s DNA found naturally in the mother’s bloodstream. The test is accurate, 99.9%, using a tiny quantity of DNA — as little as found in a single cell.

Credit john1068 01-09-2014
Is her internet browsers set up to use Google as the default search engine? And does she use a gmail account? If so, she can delete here browser history all she wants, that only deletes the history that is localbin the browser itself...

On ANY computer, navigate to https://google.com/history. Log in using her gmail credentials and you'll have all history right there. Cant be deleted unless your wife logs in this same way...she'd only be deleting Chrome, IE, or Firefox history, not the Google history when deleting within the browser itself.

01172014 1033A

There does not appear to be a function within the Android OS that allows the recall of deleted info as is found on IOS. However, even on Android, When a text is deleted, the OS simply "loses" the address to where it is on the memory chip, but it's still there.

Go to your computer and navigate to Dr. Fone for Android @ Dr.Fone for Android - Android Phone & Tablet Data Recovery SoftwareAndroid Phone Data Recovery.

You can download a trial version if you're operating system is XP/Vista/Win 7/Win 8 all on either 32 or 64 bit.

Download the program to your computer, open it, connect the Android phone to the computer via the micro USB cable and follow the instructions on the Dr. Fone program. You can recover deleted SMS, MMS, photos (yes, this includes SnapChats), vids, and documents.

Not everything is recoverable because the operating system continues to overwrite the data so if you don't recover this data on a regular basis, you may miss some pieces...

But there are also many Android apps that store deleted files and texts, even some that allow you to download and HID the app (ex. ).

They are also in her Spotlight Search...don't even need to connect to a computer. All deleted texts are still held onto. Type in the contact TELEPHONE number and every text, even the deleted ones, will show up in the search.

IOS 7 from any home screen put your finger in the middle of the screen and swipe downward. Enter the telephone number and start reading the hits.

IOS 6 from the first home screen, swipe left, enter the telephone number and start reading the hits.

Credit rodphoto 01162014
After researching the web for countless hours about software to find deleted messages on my wife's iphone I figured out this super easy method.

From the home screen swipe left to right until the spotlight page appears. Its a screen with the key board at bottom and a box at the top that says "search iphone" type your typical search words, anything sexual etc... All past messeges containing the search word will appear on a list, deleted or not. You'll only get the first line but that is usually enough. Just busted my wife again doing this a few days ago!

Rugs: swipe left on your first page of the main menu.

"spotlight search" under settings -> general -> spotlight search has to show "messages" as ticked.

Right here, right now: Taking screenshots on iOS devices -> hold down home button and press sleep button. The screenshot will be placed under your photo album.

Also there is an app to "stitch" messages like a panoramic photo, but only for iPad. go to app store and search "stitch". Damn it's 4 am. i need to go to bed.

Note that this applies only to Spotlight Search in IOS 6 and lower. For IOS 7 running on Iphone 4 and 5, put your finger in the middle of any of the home screens and swipe downward.

Type in the search string you want (telephone number, contact name, keyword, etc) and it will search every instance in the iPhone where that appears.

You may FIRST want to go into the Settings>General>Spotlight Search and then check or uncheck the areas that you want to search - make certain that "messages" and "mail" are CHECKED or else your search will not look into these areas.

The same info is on the spot light on the ipad too ! If the settings isnt checked off, you can find all the same history!

Credit tacoma 03072014

This Google search history page weightlifter mentioned here doesn't just record the search term it records everything spoken into Google Now by voice command. There is a text read out for everything spoken into the phone through Google Now and since Androids later versions have integrated Google Now right into the OS just about everything spoken into an Android phone is saved at https://google.com/history

Commands to call me, entire voice texts, everything she has said into the phone is right here.
I don't even know how it could be deleted if you wanted to.

Considering almost everyone has an Android phone and voice command is becoming more popular this is a nice tool for a BS.

Edit: It even has every Google Maps/Navigator GPS search saved.
 
#24 ·
Tuborg-- Sorry you are going thru this, and hope the posters aren't firing out more than you want to deal with right away. I realize you are new around here, I'm fairly new, too.

It might take searching search terms or looking over old threads, but there is a ton of info on here to help you gather intel on you wife. VAR means Voice Activated Recorder, which many have uses very successfully. "Weightlifter", I believe is an expert in the field and has posted lots on which models are best.

Try to get your phone records ASAP to see what she's up to on the phone. Credit card statements, too.

Based on what you describe, especially your gut, sure sounds fishy.

edit: see, I told you Weightlifter was an expert.
 
#25 ·
Didnt we have an art teacher banging a student about 15 months ago?

We get married adult classmates banging each other about once a month.

Art class=figure drawing?
 
#26 ·
Also they go for: "You have the soul of an artist. Like I do. I understand you. Your husband, he is a nice man, but he isn't on your wavelength like I am."

Then it degenerates to "let me slip you a length" and before you know it, they are cheating. But it is OK as he is her artistic soulmate, she is the artist's muse! Yuck.
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#54 ·
Don't you think its just possible he might feel that snooping is not quite right? That its not a testosterone level issue or whatever.

The whole spying on the wife thing has some baggage assuming someone's wife is not cheating. Right? I mean lets say you bug her car, purse download everything from her phone, hang a GPS on her and find nothing. What would a mutual friend think of your behavior? Seriously? What would she think if she found out?

Now - I do agree that when the radar starts to sniff out this stuff its all fair in love and war. But its not the Victims fault for giving the benefit of the doubt and second guessing his own questionable behavior.

I really hope that this guys radar is wrong and he just finds out his wife is passionate about art and not some douchbag.
 
#29 ·
Even if she's hiding her phone and it is an iPhone I believe. If he has access to her iCloud account then he can sign her up through that one website and get every single text message photo and phone call for like six bucks a month. I'll see if I can find it and I'll post it up here unless someone else has it on the tip of their tongue.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#31 ·
Well so far your sweating putty balls because you suspect something yet, you wont check to see if it's real or your imagination playing tricks on you.

Now if that's the case do you plan on making this a life style? When your gut is telling you something is wrong, it's not bad sushi, it's because something is wrong, so friend if you don't start now, expect it to get worse down the line and then your going to be way over your head.

If you feel that your wife is stepping out on you, then she already has a leg up on you and she's going to continue and the both legs are going to be up and behind her neck so stop wasting time and find out what's going on.
 
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