Let me see if I can help clear up how the Last Resort Technique (LST) of DB and our seven steps "work together. "
One thing I think that's confusing you is that the word "exposure" used in both places does not mean the same thing. In our seven steps, that term is a way of identifying the step wherein you have already spoken to your spouse directly (giving them the option to stop on their own, discretely, without anyone ever knowing) and they've refused; then you've spoken to maybe one respected person to gather support, encouragement and some help talking to your spouse (again giving them the option to do the right thing and end the affair quietly). Once you've done both of those things, and the Disloyal Spouse has twice hardened their heart--to their own spouse and to someone they respect--then we recommend the step we identify as "exposure" and we gave it that name because in this step the loyal spouse no longer keeps the affair "a secret" or stops cooperating with making the affair easy. In this step, in our method, the affair is exposed in a very controlled, limited way--and only to those whose lives are going to be impacted if the spouse continues to harden their heart and continue the affair. The parents are told because as grandparents they are about to lose half of the time with their grandchildren and son/daughter-in-law, and because they may have some influence in helping their child do the right thing. Siblings are told because at half the family celebrations, such as holidays, the kids and the brother/sister-in-law will no longer be there--and because our siblings are often the ones who offer you support to get through this! Employers are told because you will be out of the office for court dates or legal appointments...and both of you will have lower productivity for a while. Also if it is a workplace affair, they may have legal issues if they don't address sexual harassment in the workplace. Lifelong friends are told because sometimes people are at odds or estranged from their own family, and their lifelong friends are "family by choice" so you tell them so they can help. So you can see that the term is not meant as "spread this around to harm your partner and create bad gossip" but rather as a way of acting on a boundary: "I expect a partner who is 100% faithful and will accept nothing less. If you are not offering 100% fidelity, I am not willing to lie and cover it up, nor am I willing to cooperate with adultery and call it be more romantic euphemisms."
After Exposure, we suggest Step Five: Carrot & Stick (similar to Plan A). This step has two parts that you do simultaneously:A) Carrot and B) Stick. An affair doesn't happen in a vacuum, and almost universally infidelity experts realize that an affair is a symptom of deeper problems in the marriage. So when you have a symptom, you look for the deeper illness and then take antibiotics to cure the illness, right? Same here. You can not control her but you can control YOU, so look to yourself and what you did to contribute to the troubles in the marriage. What Love Kindlers did you gradually stop doing? What Love Extinguishers did you gradually start doing more and more? A)Carrot is looking at yourself, working on yourself, looking good-smelling good, and showing your disloyal that you are able to be an attractive partner. Part of this is 180 and LRT--namely if you look at yourself and realize you had been working too hard and not paying attention--they learn how to balance worklife/homelife and learn how to be an active listener. If you have been given up recreations, ask her to join and get a life. The point of A)Carrot is not to be a doormat, but rather to remember the man you used to be who attracted her in the first place, and be that kind of man again! Be the man you can be!
B)Stick is closer to the 180 and LRT. In this second part of Step Five, which we suggest you do at the same time as A)Carrot, you allow your Disloyal Spouse to experience the consequences of their choice to continue to be unfaithful. This is not punishment! Just don't stand in the way of natural consequences. For example, if you two had a joint cell phone bill and you've always paid the bill...and the way she stays in contact with her lover is through the cell phone, why this B)Stick would be to identify out loud for her the boundary that you will not pay for her to carry on with another man, so if she chooses to do that, you will stop paying for her cell phone. Now, you can not control her, so she may decide to buy her own cell phone or let her lover buy her one, but you can control YOU...and YOU will not pay for your wife to have a lover! See how that's a boundary...and you're setting the fence around what you will and will not do, not telling her what she can and can not do. She's free to choose--you just won't pay so she can commit adultery!
During this step--Step Five: Carrot & Stick--it is vital that you get a life, carry on with improving yourself, restart an old hobby or recreation, and maybe even go to individual counseling for your own issues. The idea is that at the same time you show her the POSITIVE she could have, and show her the NEGATIVE costs of continuing infidelity. Showing her those two things at the same time increase the likelihood of wanting to end the affair and return to the marriage--it's not a guarantee but the chances can be improved.
Our next step, Step Six: Consequences/No Contact sort of straddles the 180/LRT of Divorce Busters. Most people will try Step Five for a while but the emotional toll of showing the benefits of the marriage while he/she is still being unfaithful can really be exhausting. This step is on the firmer end of 180/LRT. We suggest sending a letter to explain that you see your part, that you've done work to address your part, but that the emotional pain is too great and until they're ready to do A, B, and C you will need to have no contact with them.
In our steps, we have one place where you gather evidence and that's at the beginning when you have that feeling that something's wrong but no proof. After you have proof, you have no need to gather any more evidence--because you know it is unfaithfulness! Once your disloyal spouse agrees to end the affair and work on the marriage, many loyal spouses make the mistake of saying, "Now I have to snoop on them to see if they mean it." NOPE! Part of the A, B, and C of returning is that the Disloyal agrees that it is THEIR JOB to show you by transparency that it really is over! THEY offer their phone, their email account, their passwords. If they don't, then it doesn't meet A, B, and C and there is no reconciliation.
Same for exposure. You don't go to their parents over and over with every gossipy detail of the affair and your marriage...or turn to friends over every single fight. That's just trying to get people on your side! Nope, you tell them once. You NOTIFY them in a pretty business-like manner, so they are not told half-truths or outright lies! Envision a boundary: you will not participate in adultery by covering it up, pretending it's not happening, or hiding it from the family. You will tell the truth, and nothing more. (By the way it's not "dragging her name through the mud" to tell the truth--it's acting unfaithfully that is "dragging her name through the mud." If you tell the truth and she's being faithful--that doesn't harm her reputation does it? So see how that's a very common lie they get you to believe? It's their ACTIONS not you telling the truth once.) When she ends the affair and returns to the marriage, you'll tell the truth about that too!
So I hope this helps clear up the confusion. They are not conflicting methodologies but really just expressed in different ways. Some of our steps straddle some of the 180/LRT but the same concepts are there.