Last night she told me...

onelove74 · 08-02-2008, 11:19 PM

Hello everyone. My name is Raul and basically I am feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life. I'm 35 years old and have three wonderfull boys 13,7,6. Last night my wife of 14 years told me that she cheated on me in late june and that now she is pregnant. I feel as if I have fallen into a state of mental numbness. Our sex life ended last october. She went cold and said she did not feel like making love because she was afraid of getting pregnant. What I'm in shock is that Im her husband and she denied me intimacy because she did not want to get pregnant and here she goes and gets pregnant with someone else. Let alone risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease. ashe claims that it was the result of a "one day stand" but her behaviour has been very strange for the past 2 months. She totally changed her behaviour and I picked it up quickly. I'm not a possessive nor jealous person but I freaked and talked to her about her actions. she said that it was my imagination and that i was overreacting. now she gives me this news because she is pregnant. I feel sooo betrayed and hurt. she violated the sanctity of her womb with something so foul as cheating. our three wonderfull boys came from her womb now it is a place that i feel mixed emotions about (disgust, love, anger). I spoke to a psychiatrist today and made an appointment for tuesday for couples therapy which is her speciality. I have not stopped coughing since she told me. She has always known that she is the love of my life and that something like this would kill me emotionally and spiritually. I must confess that if it were not for my blessed children I would probably take my own life. Its hard to say that but the deep depression that I am feeling just puts those ideas into my head. Im not going to do it though! I know that I am hurting bad and that one day i will heal from this but that road is so hard to travel. Im a physician resident and my future is actually for my family. My wish is to fix my marriage at all costs. if it can be done great but if it cant them i will deal with it intelligently. sorry for writing so much but i cant tell my friends and family because they will most likely react really bad and would probably lead to the destruction of whats left of our married life. Thanks to you all, Raul.

MyKidsMom · 08-03-2008, 03:27 AM

I dont have much to say, only to hang on and remember to take care of yourself. You must for your boys.

This site is great they have helped a lot so just keep checking back some one will reply that has all the right things to say. I just want you to know dont forget about us this site helps trust me.

Keep your head up your children need you,

happless · 08-05-2008, 12:26 PM

Definitely hang in there. If you are a spiritual person then draw from that. If you are not then maybe this will help you build a relationship with God. In all of my times of crisis that has been the one thing that has really helped to see me through.

onelove74 · 08-05-2008, 01:41 PM

Thank you both for your words. I have actually found out that my faith and spirituality have helped me cope with this crisis. She had an abortion yesterday and in a couple of hours we have our first marriage therapy. Im feeling a little less anxious than those first days. I get really mad but hold it in and also I spontaneously feel like crying but hold it in as well. I really hope we can resolve this problem and pray to God that she has not contracted an STD.

carmaenforcer · 08-05-2008, 06:01 PM

My now Wife, cheated on me back when we first got together, got pregnant, but didn't know if it was mine or the other guys and had a miscarriage.
Trust me when I say that the worst is yet to come, it's a lot harder to find a way to trust again.
Hope that therapy helps.

draconis · 08-13-2008, 02:52 AM

Good to see you are taking care of yourself. No one should make you so depressed as to end anything. Plus your boys, family, and friends need you.

I wish you the best and feel free to come back and vent.

draconis