Triton

Oh, to late I just saw the post- You told her.

Dan-O

Update.

Things are still pretty much up in the air right now. The other day, I noticed my wife acting a little strange and asked her to sit down with me and talk for awhile.

I asked her what was on her mind. She said, "I'm still not sure about what I want."...meaning our relationship. I asked her if she felt that I was holding up my end of the bargain. She stated that I had been doing wonderful. So, I had to ask what else could be bothering her.

My wife told me that she thought if she obtained her degree she would be happy; that if she married, she would be happy; that if she had children she would be happy; that if her husband would change, she would be happy...

All of the things that she thought would make her happy, have fallen short of her goals for happiness.

So, without asking her what makes her happy, I told her what makes me happy. I said, "The smell of fresh-baked, chocolate chip cookies, my son's expression after catching his first fish, my daughter bringing me a glass of lemonade after a couple of hours yard work in the afternoon sun."

I told her that, for me, happiness comes in small chunks and wasn't something that was turned on like electricity 24/7.

After I told her what made me happy, I then asked her what makes her happy. She was silent for a long time then confessed she genuinely didn't know what makes her happy.

She also made a short mention of not feeling successful in her life. Of course, I was stunned with her statement of not being able to identify anything that made her happy for a least a split second.

Anyone want to take a stab at this?

Thanks
Dan-O

Niske

For me I'm letting go. Life is to short. If she wants to be with another then there is nothing I can do about it but let her go, be there for the kids and heal the best way I know how.


N

bluebutterfly0808

basically, your wife seems sad. it's probably hard for her to know who she is anymore. everything has turned upside down! you're doing great though! it seems like you are in touch with her emotions. asking her to sit down & talk really shows her that you care. keep working on you & taking care of her the best you can. it may take time for her to come around. good luck!

robin

That is great that you are being very supportive and comforting towards her. I hope your also taking care of you. I hope everything works out.

Blanca

Wow Dan-O. the way you talked to her was really beautiful. You didnt become defensive or threatened by her unhappiness at all. that says a lot. It sounds like you have really helped her become aware of a problem with herself.

You are right, she doesn't know what makes her happy. She thinks all these big things will be it, but she's not looking at the little things in her present that do. she needs to be ok with who she is today in order to be happy.

OrinTyie

Totally feel ya man. Going through something similar with my wife that I just posted about here. Didn't go as far as you did with the computer stuff but guessed her password and went in. Felt terrible doing it and will not do it again. Can't agree with those that said you did no wrong on this one. Personally I fessed up to it and pledged to never do it again. My take on it was she broke my trust and I turn around and break hers by doing that. Couldn't do it again for fear of messing up.

All situations are different of course. In my case I trust her to not communicate if she says she's not going to. There is still a bit of fear if they talk at some point later I have no way of knowing but that fear is normal I'd say at this stage in the game.

__________________
-as you think, so shall you be