I'll give a quick breakdown of our relationship first so that you can see the big picture:
- Started dating when I had just turned 20, him 21
- After 3 months of a long distance (4hrs) relationship I moved to his town & we bought a house when we were 21 & 22
- Engaged at 21 & 22, married at 22 & 23
- Had our daughter at 24 & 25
- Therefore we are both now 26, been together 6 years, married 3 with a beautiful 15 month old girl
In the beginning I was really attracted to my husband, we had an amazing connection & became best friends, we understand each other & are completely comfortable together.
The 'romantic' spark and attraction was there & slowly started dwindling on my end of things. 4 Years ago my husband moved 2 hrs away to work in a coal mine so he would be at home half of the week & working the other half....... since the birth of our daughter we moved down to be with him and now live together full time.
I am like alot of other women on this site, have no attraction to my husband although I know he is a handsome man, I dont want him touching me or kissing me, it actually repulses me, I don't even pretend to like kissing or sex, I just refuse to do it.
He is an excellent husband, amazing Dad, provides what we need and more & would do anything for us, however it's just the one thing thats missing, but it is a HUGE part of a relationship. It breaks my heart to see how lonely & upset he looks lately because i do love him & care about him, im just not in love anymore. I have felt like this for a few year now, just not to this extent, it has obviously gotten worse, I had hoped things would get better....
At the beginning of Nov we went out for my birthday to the races & he had a bit to drink and told me to F off & P off twice in front of other people, which he doesnt usually do. After this I wanted to go out for the night on my own and do whatever, didnt happen but I did meet a german guy on the mini bus home & we got talking and I thought he was a pretty friendly guy. I ended up with his details & we talked a little bit on facebook & text for a few weeks, then organised for me to go over to his place which I have done twice now... Have been from early in the evening until about 3am both times. I feel so terrible that i've done this to my husband but I also feel bad that im in a marriage which doesn't have any romance.
I really don't know what to do? Myself & the OM have organised to meet when I can but I am also worried that I am developing feelings for the OM as we seem to have a really good connection physically & emotionally. The OM is in town temporarily for work so I thought that would be better than me getting involved with someone who lives locally.........
Part of me want's to tell my husband what i've done & part of me thinks I should just keep quiet so I don't hurt him any more, I also don't know what to do with our marriage. Myself and my husband has spoken about it all before I cheated & agreed things were very different & neither of us were happy........
We have spoken about maybe taking time apart..... just so lost and need some unbiased advice........