Hello everyone, sorry to bother but Ive been married for about 8months now and kinda ran into this problem...
Well my name is Mike. me in my wife got married last year in DEC. And well over the course in time. time and time again I cought my wife having internet affairs with other guys. And let me add this quick note in here. they are not random strangers. They are ex-boyfriends ex-people she was close too.
Now Im in the military she moved to live with me here in germany So many tell me "oh its harmless shes 1000s of miles away."
But despite on how much I tell her to stop and quit it it bothers me She keeps doing it. This last time I catch her doing it again [last week]
In the past I found her calling some other dude her hubby. And tat she loves him. that guy was the first one. Then it happened again. After the 2nd time the trust I had for her was gone. So I installed a key logger on her computer to see what she was doing. Witch is how I cought her these last 2 times. I dot sit at home and check it every day. Just ounce a month or when she starts acting strange again.
And this isnt little flirting, its like crazy stuff talking about what they want to do together and talking about what they did in the past. It bothers the hell out of me. And every now and then shell do it again... Im sorry if my post is all spread out and not formed right just this last time I found out I told her I was thinking about divorcing her because I shouldnt have to monitor what she does all the time and theres point in being married if you dont make an effort to build my trust for back up.
this last even I told her how I found out about her cheating on me. And now she makes it seem like Im the one at fault. When I know Im not.. If anyone has any advice for or wants to know more info, just ask.. Again sorry if I leave out some details I cant really think straight atm
Last edited by gloomyshrooms; 08-06-2008 at 03:46 AM.
Reason: OH and they are all different guys each time.. total of 5 times.
All might not be lost, but can you give more info. Apart from her wandering eye - or should I say - keyboard, how is your relationship. Does she want sex often, etc?
Are you spending quality time with her and maybe there are needs or fantasy that she wants to make happen but because you are so tied up in work maybe you are giving her the attention she needs talk to her ask her what drives her to thes other men?
Good point Mrs. N. Since you have been apart because of the military you both need to spend time together to nurture your relationship. Discuss what each of you is looking for in the marriage. But her behavior is dangerous to the marriage and needs to stop. Good luck.
__________________
Amp
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
I'm not so sure this is a little problem with your marriage. Lack of trust is a huge problem in a marriage. Some may disagree; but in my eyes, she is having an affair. Although it is an emotional affair and not a physical affair, it is taking away from your marriage. You are still newly weds and this behavior shouldn't be happening at this stage!
You and your wife really need to see a counselor and get to the bottom of this destructive behavior. If this problem doesn't get resolved, you may want to move on. It will be much easier to walk away now. Don't keep investing time in your marriage, if she isn't going to appreciate you. You don't have children yet, do you?
nah, no kids. I didnt want to rush that kind of stuff. Like I love her alot I enjoy being with her and everything. Just now my interest in her gone down alot. I cant seem to trust her. And we are seeing a counselor but I dont think its going to help much. I dont feel the same I did at first. She a beautiful women but now I just dont find her attracting for some reason. I dont know what to do I cant seem to want to go and get a divorce cause I still have feelings for her as gay as me saying that sounds.. =/
fortunately the net is a way out.
for many reasons - its fresh/ fantasy. it can be n e thing.
i talk sex talk to lots of ppl. doesnt make me n e thing more than what i am. but i know my boundaries and i know i wouldnt hurt ppl doing it (hubby) - and i know fantasy is what it is .
so when your away what do you expect her to do?
what would you do if you shoe was on the other foot.
not an excuse- but it can be lonely, with you in your career.
technology has allowed equipment like the computer to be available.
really what do you want her to do??????? have nothin??????????
whilst your career takes you places.
It doesn't matter to her how you feel about the subject.
SHe has broken your trust over and over again.
What happens if you have to go to Korea alone?
I would move on before she really hurts you. She is in this for herself only. I know you love her but can you live like this or worse ffor the rest of your life?
As I read your post, you have no solid evidence that your wife is really cheating on you.
However, I do not agree with her activities especially if you are working far away.
Anyway, I think the most you can do is talk about it and be ready for any truth that may come out. We do not know, but it can be you who is the problem and what she is doing is just the effect.
The real reason why there is war is not because ppl do not agree, it's because they do not talk...
As I read your post, you have no solid evidence that your wife is really cheating on you.
Not cheating??? How do you come up with that analysis? She is emotionally connecting with other men on a serial basis. He calls them hubby and discusses what she wants to do with them. Tells them she loves them. This may not be physical but she is cheating on him. Emotional affairs do damage to a marriage and it hurts like hell!
__________________
Amp
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
fortunately the net is a way out.
for many reasons - its fresh/ fantasy. it can be n e thing.
i talk sex talk to lots of ppl. doesnt make me n e thing more than what i am. but i know my boundaries and i know i wouldnt hurt ppl doing it (hubby) - and i know fantasy is what it is .
so when your away what do you expect her to do?
what would you do if you shoe was on the other foot.
not an excuse- but it can be lonely, with you in your career.
technology has allowed equipment like the computer to be available.
really what do you want her to do??????? have nothin??????????
whilst your career takes you places.
First off heh, yea I can see why some people say its not cheating and im in the army yada yada.
BUT, it wasnt with random people. It wasnt just for fun, like I said it was with some ex-boyfriend and they talk specialty about dirty stuff and saying to one another I wish you where here blah blah. But what do people consider being married nowadays? Wow it seems like Im the only damn person today that has any sort of standard? YEA you may think you know your limits but the best of anyone can fall under the right circumstances. And I have a more stressful job then more then most people in the world AND I HAVE TO DO ALONE! My wife cant come and comfort me, she has her friends there. I be damned if I ever even thought about going online to coop with it. Marriage is tough even more when you have I job like mine I know. But doing that isnt a excuse and you can lie to yourself as much as you want about it.
And what do you mean what do I expect her to do? I expect her to have some sort of discipline, she's lonely maybe. but you think its any better for me? going to a desert for a year and having morters bomb my camp and running for life to a bunker hoping I dont get blown to gibs. and you know there are females there in iraq and afgan too that will sleep with anyone just cause they need some and lonely what ever there reasons are. but I control myself despite how much I miss her. and after I ask her to stop she keep doing it, each time with someone she knew back home. Whatever you think it is, to me its disrespect. But whatever what you do is not my concern.
Anyway thanks everyone for your advice, I think I figured out what I want to do. Ill stop dragging this out. Sorry for my long stupid post.
Last edited by gloomyshrooms; 08-25-2008 at 09:13 AM.
situations are so personal and im sorry if i offended u
but i do know about war.
i dont envy you one bit , but alot of ppl have stressful jobs.
u can come and do my job n e time you feel like.
it wasnt stupid post. it was how you felt.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. She is emotionally having a affair behind your back, which isn't fair to you. I would suggest for both of you to see a counselor. If your job takes you away from her it could be that she is missing having a full relationship with you. She is trying to fulfill her needs by talking with her ex's over the Interent. It may seem harmless right now but it can lead to action later in time. For example, she may decided to leave the marriage. By seeking help you both can contructively communicate without blaming each other, which can only lead to resentment and anger. Hope everything turns out fine.
little problem with my marriage
Re: little problem with my marriage
