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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-17-2010, 11:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by monib1969 View Post
Indespair, a little advice from someone that has survived an affair that resulted in children, and this OW started out just as yours .... friends, flirting, "nothing more." And my husband now sees the brainwashing he endured by this OW that eventually "convinced" him (5 yrs of it) that me and his children were the enemy. In simple terms it starts out slow and turns into something big, kind of like the little snowball that starts at the top of mountain and is 10 ft in diameter once it hits the bottom.

If I were you I wouldn't trust this woman to be decent about "nothing physical between us" as you believe she is. It's like the predator stalking a prey, silently, quietly, without detection. This is basically the same thing. You cannot trust another woman to be decent and have YOUR marriage in her best interests. She's already proven that with the kissing etc., if she were concerned it would have NEVER happened. So you can believe your marriage is the last thing she is concerned about, even if she says otherwise. The lion doesn't ask for permission before killing the gazelle.

Sounds to me like YOUR wife is being decent by remaining calm about this, but she has no choice as you are far away. But I can bet you it is killing her at home and that she most likely is worrying about this woman.

Honestly the best thing you can do to avoid harmful feelings from festering in your wife's mind is to leave this OW and have her train with someone else. It may mean nothing to you, but in your wife's mind you will reaffirm that "you've got her back." It will assure her that you do love her and ONLY her. It will make your marriage that much stronger, and I bet she will be more than happy to try kinkier things once she realizes that you honestly have her and your marriage in the number one spot in your life, and you're not afraid to tell other women this. This will mean the world to your wife, trust me.

Simply tell this other woman that 'out of respect for my wife, I really need to have you start training with so and so.' Or something to that effect. Don't be wimpy about it. Be straight forward and firm. Don't be wishy washy and feel as though you will hurt this OW's feelings. It's your wife's feelings that are most important, and the commitment you made to her when you took your vows. You must put your wife and your marriage above any childish crush over some hot young thing. Which is basically what this is, and you don't want it to lead to more on some other night of drinking.

Plus, there will always be other women that will flirt and try to snag a married man. Why? Because single women want a good man, and good men are always married. She may be the first but she won't be the last. Learn to deal with these lionesses before another one comes along and it turns into a full blown affair. That pain is EXTREMELY difficult to overcome for a wife. I feel as if you do not want to inflict this kind of pain on your wife, so do the right thing and get this pretty young thing out of yours.
Totally agreed!
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