I told him IT'S OVER

Anonny123 · 12-02-2010, 09:30 AM

(Posted on other forums as well)

After confronting my husband and realizing that I can no longer look at him the same way, that I no longer feel the same way about him , that I can no longer be with him I finally told him that I made my decision and I am going to leave him.

Initially, it seems as if he took the news pretty well. He was surprised but he kept telling me that he respected whatever decision I made and that I deserved to be happy. He moved out that day - slept at a friend’s house that night. This was last Friday. Saturday he came by to get some of his belongings, said he was doing ok, was really sorry for everything he did and was mad at himself for treating me so badly but again that he respected my decision and did not want to see me hurting anymore. On Sunday, when he finally told his family (his mom and siblings), he became a mess. He broke down, finally told me that he loves me and was deeply sorry for all of the hurt and pain. All of the lies, taking me for granted, not listening or doing anything to me when I told him numerous times about the problems we were having. He told me he was going to miss me so much, that he'd never forget me, that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and he just took it all for granted. Never realized what he really had. Doesn't know why he did what he did (cheating, lying, doing "his thing") and why he risked it all for nothing.

A few days ago, he came by to give me closure/peace of mind. He told me I deserve better that I should not suffer any longer or question did he or didn't he. He confessed to cheating, to lying, to taking advantage of my good nature. Said he would play him self up in front of certain people, that some of the things I thought he did he really didn't he was just playing a part! One example, I found some pretty damning texts that he was fooling around with one of the girls who works for him, he told me he never touched her he just told his friend that he "banged" her b/c his friend figured he gets girls all the time yet this friend 1) knows me and 2) is going through his own divorce b/c he found out his wife was cheating on him.

He still denies ever taking ecstasy in the 8 years we've been together even though I have solid proof that he has. He said that maybe, quite possibly, he was so "banged up" on Vodka RedBulls that maybe someone one slipped him something and he didn't know it... I chimed in and said ok, so quite possibly when you were under this influence you may have gotten really close with some ladies. He said "maybe there was kissing..." and I further chimed in "and as you were kissing things got closer and closer, maybe you started groping, getting close, getting physical" and he just remained quiet...

He does not want me to leave him. He said he can't imagine not being with me and it kills him. My family is in full support of my decision, after knowing everything that I have been through. Some people on the outside look at it as if I didn’t give him a chance... I gave him plenty and he knows it and now he's admitting to that and telling people. He saw the signs, he knew things weren't good but he did nothing he let it all just slip away - he admitted that to me.

To me, I am convinced that he never was ready to get married (he did indicate when I confronted him), that he missed being single but was too much of a coward to admit it to me or himself. His actions showed it I think now that he's hearing what a loss he is facing from his family and friends he feels like an idiot...

swedish · 12-02-2010, 10:28 AM

Wow, Anonny123, a lot has transpired this week. I'm sorry you are going through all of this, but it does sound as though you are handling your situation beautifully although I am sure it's been tough to finally hear some truth from him.

From what you write, I would have to agree that he has not fully committed to the marriage and doesn't seem to feel he can at this point although he may now do some soul searching and get there but it may be too little too late for you.

Sending **hugs** your way today. Hang in there & I hope you have some support near by that you can lean on.

Anonny123 · 12-02-2010, 11:56 AM

Thanks Swedish. It has been a rough couple of weeks, very emotional especially this past week. I am still confident in my decision and surprisingly have more love and support than I thought I would. My family is behind me 100% knowing EVERYTHING I have been going through.

The truth hurt but at the same time felt good. At least I know the feeling I was having was not b/c I had developed the crazies. My intuition was right and I am grateful for that. He cheated and lied multiple times and took me for granted each and every time.

The soul searching he does will benefit him. I don't hate him, I don't have any animosity toward him. I sincerely wish him the best and hope he takes this life experience for what it is worth. I have hit the point of no return. There's no turning back.