The underlined part is really key. Whether or not you feel beta or alpha doesn't matter that much, those are only adjectives which are relative.
Are you feeling progress to overcoming the degradation of your love for your wife. Do her words have meaning again or is the distrust still strong?
Distrust is still strong, but not because of any actions or words from her, just because it's normal at this stage still one year out from dday. She tells me everything, dresses conservatively for work, got a new job, bought new clothes, thanks me constantly for letting her still be in my life and tells me sorry she hurt me if she notices something upsets me. Pay s constant attention to me, calls me at lunch and texts on breaks etc.. etc..
Are you having good sex post hysterical bonding?
We are back to having the great kind of sex that we had when we were younger, instead of getting the duty sex and the OM getting the good sex, I'm getting the good sex again.
As for punishment, what transpired for her? Were there no consequences?
She lived with her mother on an air mattress for about a month, while I got a new bed, changed the locks on the doors and talked only divorce. She lost the respect of our children, her father and my family. She left her job and was embarrassed to those friends. She damaged my relationship with her younger sister by involving her and caused her pain. She had to listen to me tell her how she turned out just like her mother and how all the accusations of me being controlling now only prove that I was justified in being concerned about her fidelity. Basically having to feel like a whoo and a sluuu.. without me needing to say it. Comments like 'friend? do you f all your friends?' Her damaged image in my eyes, she knew I adored her, and now I was disgusted by her.
Was divorce ever on the table?
Yes, it still is if she ever shows me any sign of not being kind to me again.. if I notice her going cold, treating me cruel, not accounting for her whereabouts, any of the signs that showed me she was losing interest in me and no longer putting effort into my marriage. I don't even need to know she's cheating, I just need to know she's not being good to me.
Do you have an urge for a revenge affair?
Comes and goes, but it's fantasy and I wouldn't act on it because I prefer the high ground and not lowering myself to lying and cheating. Usually the fantasies are with someone else that has a partner, all the more reason I would never act on it. I know how cheating can mess with lives.
Do you fantasize about casually handing your wife divorce papers, and enjoying the sight of her weeping at your feet?
I've had the fantasy about divorce when I'm angry, but if anything the thought of destroying my wife wouldn't be the motive, it would be the freedom from having to deal with the constant reminders. When you R, you're keeping a big trigger around, as opposed to divorce where you don't have the constant reminders. I would never want to destroy my wife, even if she did crush my soul. It's just not how I'm built. She's the mother of my children, I've known her since she was 14, we've been together since she was 16.. I don't hate her.