Re: Recently found out...how to stop asking details of affair?
You keep asking for details because you need them. You're trying to understand how he did this, why he did it, what was so special and great about these other women. By getting details, you're hoping to find that one thing that clicks and makes you go "Oh, I get it now! This is why he did it, and this is how we can stop it from ever happening again."
The problem with this, though, is that because you didn't do it, you will never be able to understand the how or the why. No matter how many details you get, you'll never be able to piece it all together and come up with a logical explanation that you can make peace with.
All you can do is ask for details until you either feel you've learned as much as you want, or learned as much as you can handle. IF he wants to save your marriage, he will realize that he must answer your questions. He has no right to get pissed. He's the one who messed up, he must now bear the consequences of his mistakes. The only one here with the right to get angry is you.
But anger, on either side, isn't going to fix things. You both have to deal with what happened and try to put it behind you if you want to make it work. The thing with the questions is...I've been divorced for over seven years now, and my ex cheated on me. I could still, to this day, come up with questions to ask him, if I really wanted to. You have to reach a point where you decide that you're done with the questions. Whether it's a deadline that you set, or you just sort through your questions and prioritize the questions, only asking the ones that you feel are most important that you have answers to. You have to stop asking questions, and you have to try to truly let go of the whole issue.
Trusting again takes time, but the process back to trust really won't start until after you've stopped asking questions.
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