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On Beating Up The OM (or even the OW)

31K views 262 replies 53 participants last post by  movin on 
#1 ·
My ex had 3 bertayals that I was aware of.

The first was with a wealthy man who she chased to have a lavish lifestyle. He, literally, threw out his wife and 2 kids to move mine in. I was totally unaware. Because she was more chasing him (as I was told) I had no real thoughts of taking after him.

The second was a rebound betrayal after she was thrown out of the wealthy man's house and came crawling back begging forgiveness. That guy was simply pouncing on a weak woman. When I caught him at my house I lit into him. Not like it appears on TV (a lot of missed or blocked punches and pushing really), but I knocked him down good with a punch (I used to box) and wrestled/threw him out of the house.

The third was with some POS and she was taking off her wedding ring and told him she wasn't married. I can forgive that as he had no idea of her marriage.

But beat downs, to me, can be a right response. Not in every case, but in some.
 
#5 ·
With the 2nd one, he was in your house. That's a lot easier to justify to the cops/courts. Him coming to your home is an huge assault on you.

The problem with beat downs is that it can get the BS in a huge amount of legal trouble, even time in prison.

An OM/OW is not worth that. The best way to handle them is to just treat them like they do not exist.

Your beef is with your wife, the one who promised you fidelity.
 
#6 ·
But beat downs, to me, can be a right response. Not in every case, but in some.
Would you beat your X?

If not, you should not desire to beat down the OM. Anger at them is completely justified, even revenge in some way.

But your X is the POS that DIRECTLY screwed you over, and with multiple men. SHE is the one that deserves the hella wrath of what she did to you more so than these OM. Not saying you should beat her, I absolutely am against that.

Just making the point, you shouldn't want to hand a more severe punishment to these OM as opposed to your wife at the time.
 
#141 ·
Seen many thread variations of this "revenge" notion and all this hatred always placed on the OM/OW. And they should be outed. But it's YOUR spouse who made promises, vows, and commitments to YOU and then betrayed YOU. To the other man or woman you are likely just a name or a picture on the wall when they are screwing them in your house. So yes Blame to the other man or woman but outrage, anger and hate should all fall squarely on the person who married you.
 
#14 ·
This is so true, but at the same time, people here need to realize that in cases of serial cheaters, just because there were multiple partners involved, it isn't always a given that the BS knew about all of them at the time they took the WS back. Sometimes the WS has hidden the information so deep that it doesn't come out until the breaking point has been reached and the betrayal occurs again and then the whole truth comes out.

It could be the case, but isn't always true, that when it is mentioned that the WS came crawling back after being dumped by OM#1, it doesn't mean that the BS knew about OM#1.

My WW is a serial cheater and she had several before I discovered. People would point the finger and say that I was the idiot for taking her back, but I really never took her back after the last one and the betrayal hurt so bad that this is when I discovered the others. When confronted she stated that she wasn't going to tell me about them and that was the nail in the coffin. She was going to live her life taking it to her grave the heinous things she had done to my family, myself, and our lifestyle and relationship.
 
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#12 · (Edited)
Morally i don't see an issue with a beat down. You are protecting your relationship and family. In many cases these sleazy man-children only understand violence...words often fall on deaf ears unless you show them you mean business. Gov'ts have seriously dropped the ball on passing appropriate laws to protect familiies from interlopers like this... Either the gov't protects our families or we have to do it ourselves.

BUT.. legally there are a lot of risks there you may want to not gamble with...
 
#15 ·
Morally i don't see an issue with a beat down. You are protecting your relationship and family. In many cases these sleazy man-children only understand violence...words often fall on deaf ears unless you show them you mean business.

BUT.. legally there are a lot of risks there you may want to not gamble with...
:iagree: this
 
#17 ·
So all you did was fight for what. Her honor? She had none. She gave that up the first time she went off with Daddy Warbucks. Then two more times she did the same thing so what was there to fight for.

She lost her honor the minuet she took her clothes off and jumped in bed with him.

The only thing you should have been punching was the parking lot ticket when you got a lawyer and go rid of her.

Someone that cheats on you three times IMO isn't worth saving or fighting for.
 
#18 ·
Sometimes it's done so people know they won't cheat with your woman without a consequence. So future potential affair partners in a new situation might not even try, because they know you'll do something about it.
 
#20 ·
My ex had 3 bertayals that I was aware of.

......

But beat downs, to me, can be a right response. Not in every case, but in some.
thatbpguy, I can tell you're really struggling with your situation, and I'm sorry for your pain.

I hope you can get to being indifferent to the person who subjected you to the serial infidelity you have experienced.

Yesterday, you opined that 99% of "betrayers" will always be "betrayers" forever and ever more (they only have to think of betrayal to continue to qualify).

Today, beating up the OM is acceptable.

Perhaps trying to understand the parts of you that allowed your ex got to betray you the second and third time would be more beneficial to you.
 
#23 ·
Well, this all happened over 10 years ago. And since then I have worked with homless and incarcerrated people (mostly vets). I have talked, in depth, to many of them and gotten a good look at the human condition. Many were open books to me.

It taught me that, essentially, we are who we are. We really cannot "change". We can strive to refrain or to do better, but not to change. And it is also a truth that it is far easier to betray (or offend) the second time and far easier the third...

It may be a true subtlety, but there is a difference.
 
#31 ·
It all depends on the situation. Are you a man? Did the OM pursue and chase after your wife?

In those situations, regardless of the wife's role, I feel that putting a beating on the OM is entirely proper. For crying out loud, I know, and other men all know and understand that you are to keep your hands off another man's wife. Failing to do so can get you beat up or worse.

That's that way it is. Failing to hold the OM accountable is dropping the ball.

I've contacted, shamed and tried to confront OM in person to get him to walk out and face me like a man. He won't. Still, I feel like I've failed the mission. At least I've tried, and in a legal and honorable way.
 
#33 ·
Let me add that if if happens the OM is a some monster that is just impossibly bigger, younger, whatever--nah, forget it. Everything is relative.

No reason to expect an average guy to go after some NFL linebacker.

I just hate to live in a situation like this without some kind of physical consequences. Its eats at me every day, all day. I know I shouldn't let it, but this is not something I brought on myself.

One of these days, things will fall into place.
 
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#43 · (Edited)
BPGuy your wife is a serial cheat who is going to keep on cheating. No amount of alpha male behavior will stop her. She's a different animal from the more common one-time cheat who lost desire and respect for their spouse, had an affair, then regretted it. Your wife has a void inside her that cannot be filled. She's a scorpion... Cheating is her nature.

Quit courting the idea of payback and start courting the idea of booting this skank to the curb and moving on to a better life.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#44 ·
BPGuy your wife is a serial cheat who is going to keep on cheating. No amount of alpha male behavior will stop her. She's a different animal from the more common one-time cheat who lost desire and respect for their spouse, had an affair, then regretted it. Your wife has a void inside her that cannot be filled. She's a scorpion... Cheating is he nature.

Quit courting the idea of payback and start courting the idea of booting this skank to the curb and moving on to a better life.
Posted via Mobile Device
A real ho! You might win a few of your fights and she might find it admireable, but she will find some monkey shines for you to get yourself into, that you will be embarrassed or hurt and it would be all part of her fun.
 
#47 ·
I think this is very situation- and personality-driven. For instance, old mittens beat the h3ll out of his bf OM (broke some bones, I believe) & bff never touched, or even really considered touching, his bf OM.

I admire both of those men. Both faced deep betrayals and each did what he thought he needed to do.

Clearly, there are real legal/moral pitfalls to beating up the OM, but we can at least viscerally understand it, in my opinion.
 
#50 ·
sometime you have to kick someone a$$ because they need an a$$ kicking and worring about getting arrested or face a law suit is secondard to your overall wellness.

in the case of catching your spouce in your bed with someone else would qualify at least for me.


JMHO
 
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#73 ·
She ended up whoring around, got 100% of my 401K in the divorce (all went to her medical bills for a couple of surgeries) and eventually remarried a guy (he was age 45 and had never been married) in Portland. They have been married for about 10 years and my daughter tells me she's unhappy with him. He does seem like a decent sort.
 
#85 ·
No we didn't. She was never "in to me" but she was "in to sex". We married as she was pregnant. I loved her madly and lustfully, but I think she never saw me in that same way. She's not really like that. She was 1/4 Sioux indian with olive skin, jet black hair, fiesty, fun, sexual... as they say, a lot of woman.
 
#98 ·
In Oregon if the marriage is 20 years old or more the judge has added latitude with respect to dividing property. She filed a few days past our 20th after a 2 year separation. During that time she worked but didn't have insurance and had a couple of costly surgeries due to some infection from something I don’t recall. All told her bills were near $200K. She petitioned the court for all my 401K (after taxes about that amount would remain) and was granted that amount. As at that time I made twice what she did I was awarded our $15K in debt. She got the 3-year old car (paid for) and I got the 20-year old car. She got 100% of our savings (not much by then), we split the $5K we made on selling the house and I was ordered to pay $250/mo for 2 years. She also ended up with about 80% of our real property. It was quite the screw job by the judge. I was also ordered to pay her attorney but my daughter told her if she didn't pay, they would never see each other again and so she ponied up.
 
#102 ·
I am sure a lot of people think about and maybe even make a plan. Buts ome may wonder if it is worth it after wearing finger splints for several weeks and wondering if he is going to press charges. I think any guy messing with a married woman should worry about the day he will get a good ol azz kicking.
 
#107 ·
Wouldn't it be great if there was's a law that allowed violence towards the AP's
If I was a lawmaker I'd try to pass one....but wait that means If I was to phuck married chicks and I was a lawmaker then I would get the sh! t kicked out of me.....never mind.

There is probably to many law makes that screw around with married chicks....it would never pass.:rofl:

I make my self laugh!
 
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