Hello,
I apologize for the lengthy post.
I stumbled upon this page as I was searching the web for some solace and advice and I am hoping that you can provide me with some guidance. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in this situation, but I'm sure most people say that. I can see from the short time that I have spent reading the various threads that sadly I am anything but alone.
I am fairly certain that my husband of 8 years (together for 14) was having an affair last year. I say fairly certain because I do not have solid proof of a physical encounter, besides what I am about to tell you, but at the very least he has had an emotional affair on at least one occasion that I have recently discovered.
I will preface this by saying that I was not snooping when I found this, I was looking for a PayPal confirmation for a purchase that I made online and our PayPal account is linked to his hotmail address. The password to the email account is not and has never been a secret. Anyway I was searching for the sellers name and I ran across several messages to and from another woman that my husband worked with last year with the same first name. There were too many to ignore so I opened one. They started in February of 2009 and ended at the end of November 2009. They were in his "deleted" folder.
They started out flirtatious but then got pretty graphic. The one that breaks my heart is one that references them getting together at a local hotel and included a map. I looked at the date of that message and looked back through my emails and sure enough he had told me earlier that week that he had a meeting to attend that evening about 30 minutes away, in a town that is conveniently just past that hotel....which did not alarm me at the time because he works with a client in the location.
In total it appears that they may have had physical contact a few different times, but of course I cannot tell for sure from the correspondence alone. I forwarded all of the emails to myself and kept copies.
Anyway, I don't know what to do at this point. I would have never suspected that he was unfaithful. We have had so many conversations where we have both expressed our distain for infidelity, its like I was reading emails from a completely different person, not my husband!
Our marriage has had its minor ups and downs, but mostly it has been really good. The last couple of years have been a bit tough because we had our first child in December of 2007 and our second in late 2009, and life with two babies and two full time working parents, can be stressful. Add to that that I almost died of bacterial pneumonia while I was pregnant in April of 2009 so I was really out of commission for most of last year between the pregnancy, illness, recovery and child birth and my husband had to pick up a lot of the slack.
I am trying to think about this rationally and without a lot of anger and emotion. I don't know if I should confront him with the emails or if I should handle this situation differently. I want to make this right. I am not a vengeful person who wants to get back at him or hurt him. He is an amazing father to our children and my best friend (or so I thought).
I probably have not been the best wife the last couple of years with the consecutive pregnancies and children tugging me in all directions and no real support system here. Our families are both across the country so time to ourselves is scarce.
Please give me some perspective. I have never been in this place and I am scared and confused.
Thank you
I apologize for the lengthy post.
I stumbled upon this page as I was searching the web for some solace and advice and I am hoping that you can provide me with some guidance. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be in this situation, but I'm sure most people say that. I can see from the short time that I have spent reading the various threads that sadly I am anything but alone.
I am fairly certain that my husband of 8 years (together for 14) was having an affair last year. I say fairly certain because I do not have solid proof of a physical encounter, besides what I am about to tell you, but at the very least he has had an emotional affair on at least one occasion that I have recently discovered.
I will preface this by saying that I was not snooping when I found this, I was looking for a PayPal confirmation for a purchase that I made online and our PayPal account is linked to his hotmail address. The password to the email account is not and has never been a secret. Anyway I was searching for the sellers name and I ran across several messages to and from another woman that my husband worked with last year with the same first name. There were too many to ignore so I opened one. They started in February of 2009 and ended at the end of November 2009. They were in his "deleted" folder.
They started out flirtatious but then got pretty graphic. The one that breaks my heart is one that references them getting together at a local hotel and included a map. I looked at the date of that message and looked back through my emails and sure enough he had told me earlier that week that he had a meeting to attend that evening about 30 minutes away, in a town that is conveniently just past that hotel....which did not alarm me at the time because he works with a client in the location.
In total it appears that they may have had physical contact a few different times, but of course I cannot tell for sure from the correspondence alone. I forwarded all of the emails to myself and kept copies.
Anyway, I don't know what to do at this point. I would have never suspected that he was unfaithful. We have had so many conversations where we have both expressed our distain for infidelity, its like I was reading emails from a completely different person, not my husband!
Our marriage has had its minor ups and downs, but mostly it has been really good. The last couple of years have been a bit tough because we had our first child in December of 2007 and our second in late 2009, and life with two babies and two full time working parents, can be stressful. Add to that that I almost died of bacterial pneumonia while I was pregnant in April of 2009 so I was really out of commission for most of last year between the pregnancy, illness, recovery and child birth and my husband had to pick up a lot of the slack.
I am trying to think about this rationally and without a lot of anger and emotion. I don't know if I should confront him with the emails or if I should handle this situation differently. I want to make this right. I am not a vengeful person who wants to get back at him or hurt him. He is an amazing father to our children and my best friend (or so I thought).
I probably have not been the best wife the last couple of years with the consecutive pregnancies and children tugging me in all directions and no real support system here. Our families are both across the country so time to ourselves is scarce.
Please give me some perspective. I have never been in this place and I am scared and confused.
Thank you