why do I still love him

I have posted on here before, but today, I just need to vent, and hopefully, have someone just tell me its going to be okay. These days hubby is now living with the other woman. Today I came home from work, and discovered that he had basically "cleaned house" and taken any sentamental thing I had ever given him, all the pictures of his family off the walls, and the rest of his clothes he had here for the past month or so as we have been falling apart. When I asked him why he lied to me and told me he was actually coming over to put our son's xmas gifts together, the only response I got was "I left you with almost everything, please dont question me about the very few things I did take." I said, it would have just been nice if you told and I didnt come how to discover pictures off the wall, and an empty closet. I feel like this was closure for him, but for me, it was/is an ever present reminder that this is NOT what I wanted for us, and feel like alcohol has been poured on the wounds. The only things he left, were the sentamental things that mentioned/showed US as US. I can not even wrap my head around him bringin this stuff to some other womans home, our 4 year old seeing these things plastered on her walls, and him acting as if the past 7 years of marriage, were nothing, and are simply meaningless. I am so sad, yet I no longer have tears to cry. How could this all appear so easy for him, yet leave me with a knot of anxiety and grief? Everyone just says "good," and "move on..." I am not sure I even know HOW to do that. I try not to cry in front of him at all anymore, and just be civil for our son, but in my heart, I feel empty and abandoned. My heart tells me this relationship with this other person is so volitile and not love, just lust. My head, questions his sanity. I know he is using substances...I know he is unmedicated and self medicating to avoid reality and mental health issues...but wow...his family and close friends just tell me beware, when this falls apart, he will come crawling back...my head now tells me that I dont think so...he's cutting all ties...hes moving on...he's "over me." Guess its just not where I pictured my life after giving 7 years of loyal dedication to the man I loved.

blownaway

I'm so sorry for your pain. I know how you feel. My H moved out a few months ago and coming home to the empty closet was one of the worst sights to see. Despite what your friends and family say, you cannot just "get over it". It doesn't work that way. They may not know that but the people on this site do. I know it's so hard to try to figure out where to go from here and I know all too well that feeling of "what the HELL just happened"? I find this site to bring a lot of comfort. I also have been in counseling since he left and that also helps. Friends, family and my kids also help fill the void, but this is a wild ride for anyone and not something that will go away any time soon. The best advice is to just try your best to take care of yourself and make a better you, regardless of whether he ever comes back and/or whether you ever decide to take him back. It's a really hard lesson to learn and I'm still struggling with it, but it's the only thing to do to help yourself heal and move on, even if it's just inch by inch.

mariem1967

Hi i am sorry to hear you feeling bad. There's not to much you can do but try to move on as your friends are suggesting too. Accept that it's over and try not to think about him anymore. Look at your future. Start planning it. Keep yourself busy. Don't let your life pass in tears for someone who don't respect you.
You deserve better. Be strong and i am sure soon you will start feeling better and better.

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Naked Divorce