feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-17-2008, 05:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2
Default feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

hello guys and gals,

this is my first post here but i've been dealing with this problem for about 4 months on my own. first off i love my wife more then life itself and we have a beautiful 10 month old daughter named Isabella.

here goes, about 4 months gao my wife took the baby to tampa to visit her sister. while she was gone i got this wild hair up my but to go get a "massage". it was an obsession i had for a while but never went through with it before. i dont know where these feeling came from but they were there. i felt like they would never go away until i just did it.

boy, what a mistake. i went throught with it..there was no kissing or sex or anything jyst the usual "happy ending". The feeling of shame and guilt hit me immediatly after. i have been trying so hard to bury it and think to myself that mistakes happen and you sould learn from them..which i have, believe me. however, a part of me wants to tell here but would it be selfish? i feel its my burden and if i dont have to hurt here i shouldnt. she would never find out but i still know. it just makes me feel so un worthy to even be married to such a great and beautiful person. I have learned from this however and nothing like this will ever happen again..ever.

some of your advice would be greatly appreciated

thanks
izzyspapa76 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-17-2008, 07:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: the south
Posts: 93
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

If you know for a fact that you will not repeat this behavior then I recommend keeping your mouth shut about the incident. Your woman has a baby now and would possibly never forgive you for this incident. I know that I could not and I am pretty forgiving. Take your "guilty lumps" and do nice things for her. She may not know why you are being so nice, but I think that it will help ease your guilt. I know that many will say to tell her, but sometimes telling to clear your conscious is actually more selfish then keeping it to yourself. Think of how emotionally damaged and hurt she will be if she knew.
Farfignewton is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-17-2008, 07:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 2
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

yeah, i wa thinking the same thing. this is MY burden, nothing like this will ever happen again. i have learned the hard way, believe me. i will not put this on her. thank you for your advice.
izzyspapa76 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-29-2008, 05:42 PM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 4
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

If you know she will neve find out for sure and if you know you will never do it again ... please do not tell her that will be horriable ..
Mine cheated on me did not tell me but I found out ...an it is killing me ..
merry is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-29-2008, 06:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
draconis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North East
Posts: 3,717
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Farfignewton View Post
If you know for a fact that you will not repeat this behavior then I recommend keeping your mouth shut about the incident. Your woman has a baby now and would possibly never forgive you for this incident. I know that I could not and I am pretty forgiving. Take your "guilty lumps" and do nice things for her. She may not know why you are being so nice, but I think that it will help ease your guilt. I know that many will say to tell her, but sometimes telling to clear your conscious is actually more selfish then keeping it to yourself. Think of how emotionally damaged and hurt she will be if she knew.



draconis
__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973
draconis is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-30-2008, 02:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UT, USA
Posts: 138
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

If u know she will NEVER find out then don't tell her. I found out about my husband's inappropriate behavior and I wished I never did. Because now I sitting here typing my response to you with no wedding ring on. It's 2:30am and I could not go to sleep because I was crying.
loveandmarriage is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-30-2008, 12:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Near Chicago
Posts: 71
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

Roll the Dice- Don't say a word ! No sex , etc. What she may put you through if you tell her- God only knows. To each -their own. I would not say anything. Some people are so sensitive - They can't even imagine the person thinking about anyone else. Let alone anything other than a hand shake.
Triton is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-31-2008, 02:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 194
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

Ignorance is bliss! Keep your mouth shut if there are no consequences to this (i.e. pregnancy, STD, etc...)
__________________
I make over four figures a year!
cheewagacheewaga is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-02-2008, 02:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,730
Default Re: feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.

yep keep the mouth shut, no need to tell her. It meant nothing and it was stupid. you amde a mistake, you learned from it, now go on an be a quality husband and father to your little girl.
GAsoccerman is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is feeling guilt normal when you've been cheated on WillS Coping with Infidelity 24 04-16-2013 09:39 PM
His parents...control himthrough guilt and shame saf0317 General Relationship Discussion 0 05-01-2012 03:45 PM
Tragedy, Shame, and Guilt WhoHaveIBecome Coping with Infidelity 107 03-26-2012 10:52 PM
Helping him get past the guilt and shame chilimichigan General Relationship Discussion 17 11-25-2008 02:28 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:32 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.