He believes that he is the only man she has ever been with. When they separated temporarily for a couple of months, she slept with 5 other guys and conceived a child. Her husband believes it is his child. She tells me it could be one of the other men's child but she thinks it is her husband's because shes says the child looks like him. I know that her husband is suspicious because she told me he has asked her if their two children are his. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought "well maybe she'll end up telling him" but it's been a year and she still hasn't told him, and she says she never plans on telling him that she slept with these other men because it's not a big deal to her.
I've just been feeling really guilty for not telling him. He's also my friend and he has been so nice to me. A large part of me says it's none of my business. But another part says that if it were me, I would want to know.
What do you guys think?
I understand I'm just an immature little girl to some of you, but I'm just 20 and am trying to figure out what to do about this situation. I am young, I don't have much experience in life, and I just wanted to know from older adults' perspectives, who have been cheated on or have been married for a long time.
If you think I'm immature, then that's fine, you don't have to respond because you're wasting my time and yours. If you would like to and have given me constructive advice and your opinion on what I HAVE asked about, then I really, really appreciate it. I really do. Some of you guys have been so nice and supportive and that means so much to me.
I wish that I could do more to support this post than simply clicking "Like". But, since that's all that any of us can do, it deserves about 100,000 of them.
Oh whoops, forgot to add. For those of you who wanted an update. I texted him today and asked if he was going to be on campus at the library this week. He said he wasn't sure and I told him I needed him for something but it was no biggie if he couldn't be there. He said "You sure? I probably have to come to campus this week." I said "Okay. Text me when you come and I'll meet you there."
I'm very, very, very nervous. I'm afraid I'll word it wrong.
There is no easy way to word it, so just tell him best you can.
He may deny, yell, swear, accuse you of bring a liar, or hopefully, accept what you say. He will be angry, anyone would be. Your job is to give him the information, what he does with that is up to him.
Then step back from the drama. Focus on your family, and your studies. Don't let their problems interfere with your classes. Posted via Mobile Device
Of course this is the time that I go over there to see my friend (to retrieve a few items I left) and they are all lovey dovey and he's constantly hugging and kissing her. Of course today is the day that they both post pictures of them and their little family trip to the park.
This feels so awkward for me, you guys. I don't even know what to do with myself. But just_got_it55 is so right. The truth always prevails. He doesn't deserve to live in her deceit anymore.
Will you read a book for me? It's called Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men, by Bancroft. It might explain some things.
What if the baby is his? What if both children are his? Then, I'm doing this for nothing, right?
I'm going to shoot for meeting up with him tomorrow, but that thought has been kinda making me have doubts about it...like what if the children are his and her doing that when they separated doesn't matter?
Do you guys think it changes anything if the children ARE his?
What if the baby is his? What if both chi
ldren are his? Then, I'm doing this for nothing, right?
I'm going to shoot for meeting up with him tomorrow, but that thought has been kinda making me have doubts about it...like what if the children are his and her doing that when they separated doesn't matter?
Do you guys think it changes anything if the children ARE his?
I wouldn't read too much into his "You sure?" response, but be cautious nonetheless. After all, given that he at least suspects that the kid isn't his, he may not feel too strongly about passing up on what he perceives to be some freely-offered side action.
My thoughts...
* Keep your guard up, and maintain a certain amount of physical space between the two of you. If he moves toward you in a manner w/ which you're not comfortable, throw up your hands (not over your head, but about chest-high, and with elbows bent, and palms outward...think of a "Whoa, back off" gesture) and back up a bit.
* No hugs or "friendly kisses" either before or after you speak w/ him.
* Don't let him stand between you and any exits.
* Make sure that someone else is around... not necessarily within earshot of a whisper, but definitely within earshot of a scream or yell.
And about him possibly being the father? Sounds like there's no more than about 1/6th of a chance of that, depending on the overall timeline w/ respect to each guy that participated in her slorefest.
Meet him outside the library and start with "Look, I don't want you to get the wrong idea... there's just some things I think you should know about your wife."
My DD did this to her best friend who was cheating with two guys (both friends). The girl refused. DD told the guys. EVERYone - all the friends - were furious with her, because the girl twisted everything around to be my DD's fault. It was a horrible last year of high school for her because of it.
As always I pretty much disagree with the lot of you.
This is her ish to own, not yours OP. I don't get involved in other people's marriages....ever. You NEVER know the full story so it's not your place to give out bits and pieces.
Sometimes doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do.
The usual response upon first hearing for a BH is denial. Just how it is. They might suspect it, know it’s a real possibility, but they, in their heart, don’t want to believe it. It usually takes time, a bit of snooping on their end, and so forth as they accept this is really happening to their life.
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