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Should I tell my friend's husband that she cheated on him?

65K views 285 replies 77 participants last post by  Machiavelli 
#1 ·
He believes that he is the only man she has ever been with. When they separated temporarily for a couple of months, she slept with 5 other guys and conceived a child. Her husband believes it is his child. She tells me it could be one of the other men's child but she thinks it is her husband's because shes says the child looks like him. I know that her husband is suspicious because she told me he has asked her if their two children are his. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought "well maybe she'll end up telling him" but it's been a year and she still hasn't told him, and she says she never plans on telling him that she slept with these other men because it's not a big deal to her.
I've just been feeling really guilty for not telling him. He's also my friend and he has been so nice to me. A large part of me says it's none of my business. But another part says that if it were me, I would want to know.
What do you guys think?
 
#209 ·
I wanted to give those who have been following my story a quick update.

I have been very sick all week (which includes losing my voice) and H and I were asleep upstairs. Well, we heard banging on the door and ringing of our doorbell several times. He went downstairs and saw that it was my now ex-friend. She asked to speak to me and he told her that anything she needed to say, she could take up with him. (Not only could I not defend myself with the lack of a voice, but H had been telling me that I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore.) Well, she wasn't happy. I heard her yelling from down there "I want to know why when I have kept ALL of her secrets!!"

Apparently H made it clear that he was on my side and that I did it because I was guilty about keeping something like that from her H and felt it was the right thing. Ex-F was like "oh, so SHE felt guilty? It's all about her then, right?" H informed her that to him, it was about me. She said that it should have come from her, and H said that I had given her plenty of time to tell (and she had indicated she never planned to tell.) It was basically a lot of her yelling about how I shouldn't have done it and H defending my decision. She tried mudslinging but H also ended that quickly.

She ended up telling H that I ruined her marriage. So I'm assuming her H left her then? After she left, H looked at my phone. Ex-F had tried to call and sent two long texts calling me cuss words and insulting me.

I don't know why, but that interaction today makes me feel so much better about having told him. Is that weird? :eek:
 
#212 ·
She ended up telling H that I ruined her marriage :eek:
No, she ruined her own marriage. And she will blameshift her actions to anyone she can but herself.

What a piece of work. Be glad you are done with her. Hopefully this episode helps to bond you and your husband together even stronger. I hope your husband sees what a moral, upstanding, honorable lady he has married and continues to improve his treatment of you. I'm glad he stood up for you here.

Good luck Ariel - study hard!
 
#211 ·
AA- I do not believe it is weird. And GP is correct, now you won't have that drag of a "friend" adding nonsensical drama into your life anymore. You are both better off without her.

Oh- if your H had been one of her 5- she would have blurted it out on your door step. Nice to learn that he backed solidly. Think about that.

I would not engage your ex-friend in conversations in any way. She will just try to blame-shift her actions on to you and nothing positive will come from it.

You did good.
 
#215 ·
Should we contact tbe authorities about your husband laying hands on you?
The authorities would not do anything right now if we told them. There is no evidence and he's not hurting her at this point.

If however we were there to see her husband physically hurting her... yep we should call the police.

Her telling the husband was about the husband being fooled into raising a child who was not his child. That's a life long form of fraud.
 
#214 ·
ariel_angel77,

This is not surprising at all.

I wonder if she realizes that others have told her husband as well. He told you as much.

Did she indicate if they now know whether or not her husband is the father of the youngest child.

You did the right thing. You now know, even more than ever, that she's a piece of work.

She's so enraged that I'm concerned. Make sure that you keep those text's from her. If she harasses you any further look into getting a restraining order against her.

I am assuming that she has not threatened bodily harm.. .if she did that get a restraining order now.

Hope you get to feeling better.
 
#217 ·
Thank you, Elegirl. No, the only thing that she indicated was that they split (which was what I got from her saying I ruined her marriage). I haven't heard anything about the youngest child. And yes, you're right, this happening kind of confirmed for me that I did the right thing. Also, yes, I will get a restraining order if needed. So far, she has left us alone since the incident today.
 
#232 ·
Paternity fraud is perhaps the single most vile, despicable, and morally repugnant injustice that a woman can visit upon a man. Kudos to Ariel for refusing to be party to her ex-friend's deceit.

Ariel, never doubt that you did the right thing.
 
#237 ·
a restraining order might be smart, it establishes she is hostile to you ahead of any further issues, like her falsely reporting you to the cops.

But, seriously, a handgun might be wise (if your campus allows them)...definitely a pump shotgun at home...she may be pretty unstable.
 
#244 ·
Hey Gus. I'm not sure what the deal is. In her conversation with my H she told him that I "ruined" her marriage, but on Facebook they still have each other in their profile picture and it still says they're "married" on their pages. So I assume they're still together. I'm not friends with either on Facebook.

I might run into him when school starts around August 20 and have more news for you guys then. But I'm pretty sure they both just rug swept.
 
#249 ·
So you think that even if they're still together their marriage will never be the same?
Yes. All you have to do is read some of the reconciliation posts, even from people who say their marriage is better than ever after an affair, to see it is true. Triggers, fights, occasional lack 0f intimacy etc etc etc, it is changed.

And will eventually end?
No, this isn't a given.
 
#256 ·
One day my boys were watching Tom and Jerry. I said I used to watch that when I was a kid. "They had Tom and Jerry then?" I said "Yes"...son said "Oh.... but it was in black and white wasn't it?" Boy come here and let me smack you! I'm not my fathers age. He could not believe I played with Transformers in grade school either. Had to introduce him to Smokey and the Bandit. I loved my beautiful black '78 Pontiac. Ariel hold on to your honor and moral value and lay up your treasures in heaven!
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#261 ·
Okay, small update.

So the ex-friend's husband messaged me recently and asked how I was doing. He said he understood if I didn't want to talk. I told him I didn't mind talking to him, but that his W had asked me not to, so I didn't want to cause any problems. He said she had left him a few weeks ago, so he didn't care what she thought.

We ended up texting for the rest of the night. We talked about why she left him (she said they were both unhappy and he was making her feel old) and how my H and I are, and also we talked about school and religion. We ended up making plans for him to come over the next night.

So he came over, and after we had been talking a while, he said "So, you have to answer this honestly, but W told me you let me know about the cheating because you are physically attracted to me. Is that true?" I was like....No...my reasons weren't that selfish. He said "I don't think it would have been selfish." So i really got the vibe that he was hitting on me. Luckily H came home from school just then, so I asked him if I could tell H what his W had said. He literally left within the second that I said that.

I really didn't expect that! You guys were right. Apparently he wanted "a shoulder to cry on."
 
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