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Should I tell my friend's husband that she cheated on him?

65K views 285 replies 77 participants last post by  Machiavelli 
#1 ·
He believes that he is the only man she has ever been with. When they separated temporarily for a couple of months, she slept with 5 other guys and conceived a child. Her husband believes it is his child. She tells me it could be one of the other men's child but she thinks it is her husband's because shes says the child looks like him. I know that her husband is suspicious because she told me he has asked her if their two children are his. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought "well maybe she'll end up telling him" but it's been a year and she still hasn't told him, and she says she never plans on telling him that she slept with these other men because it's not a big deal to her.
I've just been feeling really guilty for not telling him. He's also my friend and he has been so nice to me. A large part of me says it's none of my business. But another part says that if it were me, I would want to know.
What do you guys think?
 
#4 ·
Any time you have kids involve the truth has to be told. She is not just messing with her husbands life she is messing with a child's life as well. If it was me I would pull him aside and tell him to get the child DNA tested. He does not have to tell her he is doing it and then he can choose how he wants to proceed when he knows all the facts.

Clay
 
#30 ·
I have been questioning my friendship with her for a while. A little background info...I met her through my H, who was good friends with her in high school. Upon me becoming friends with her, she told me she was separated from her H and that she was pregnant with this child and that I'm the first person she has told. A little later, she told me that she had slept with these men. Then she complained about her H chatting with a woman and the woman writing "I love you!" in a friendly manner on his wall and him discussing marital problems with the woman. That told me she expected him to remain faithful.

So, she didn't tell anyone (except me, her H, and one other friend) that she was pregnant. She told her H's family at 7 months pregnant, then let her own parents figure it out on their own a month before her due date (she had a very small baby and wore baggy clothes). That put up a red flag for me.

Then, when my H and I were having problems, I talked to her about them. Instead of her saying "Oh, he's treating you bad, you shouldn't put up with that" she said "he's white trash. His family is white trash. Nobody in high school liked him and he wasn't popular at all. So you shouldn't be with him." I thought that was very odd.

Anyway, she has lied to me on a few occasions about dumb things, ignored me on several occasions, things like that which made me wonder.
 
#16 ·
What I would do is give her a week to tell her BH the truth, and let her know that if she doesn't, then you will.
 
#18 ·
What about telling him anonymously? This one is tough, because on one hand, it really isnt your business. On the other, there are KIDS involved with this, so what she is doing/has done is pretty rotten, and the man deserves to know.

Good luck with your decision.
 
#19 ·
honestly; i think it would depend on the situation.

i know a couple....they went through a rough patch...unofficial separation. he moved out for a few weeks. during that time, his wife had a ONS. she never told him.

they later patch everything up. go on to be married 10+ yrs to date. have 3 great kids. according to his wife, it's something she regrets to this day; but she never told him.

in that case; i'd not say anything. the wife is honestly sorry and has no intention of ever cheating again. her actions prove that since she's remained faithful all these years post. she's stayed by his side thru money problems...a bout w/substance abuse...etc..etc.

in your case...you have WW who doesn't seem to be regretful or remorseful at all...the paternity of a kid is in question...i'd probably tell him. she seems pretty inclined to do it again.....
 
#20 ·
5 guys? Yikes..! This has been going on longer than those couple of months. Seems she wanted some quality time with BH out of the way. He's was merely a show stopper, cramping her style.

Yes, he needs to know. She is toxic. No need to worry about losing a "friend" like that.
 
#31 ·
Okay, so I should tell him.
How should I tell him? We don't hang out alone and I don't see him unless I'm with my friend. We go to the same college and won't be having classes again for another two months. He comes to the computer lab sometimes, should I tell him to meet me at the computer lab? I don't want to text him and ask him to meet up with me, then for him to say "W, your friend wants to meet up with me in secret and it's really weird." He's very faithful to her.
 
#32 ·
Put it this way. If you DON'T tell him then you are an accomplice to the cheating. No different really than an AP. You seem to be an ethical person since you are here. So do the right thing. The only responsibility you have is to provide him the information. You may do it anonymously if you wish (I see nothing wrong with that, if you don't want trouble.) Perhaps write him a letter or an anonymous email? Make sure you outline EVERYTHING. After that, what he choices to do with the information is on him. You are in the clear conscious wise. You don't want to be like your "friend" and let him live a lie.... We both know only a morally bankrupt person would do that. You know what you HAVE to do. Good Luck.
 
#33 ·
He believes that he is the only man she has ever been with. When they separated temporarily for a couple of months, she slept with 5 other guys and conceived a child. Her husband believes it is his child.
YES!! You tell him!!


I've just been feeling really guilty for not telling him. He's also my friend and he has been so nice to me.
If he is anything like me, and if he finds out what she did and that you knew, he'll be angry with you for not telling him. But that's if he is like me.

I had people that knew about my wife's infidelities, but they thought it was none of their business to tell me. But they sure would sit around and talk about it like it was their business apparently. When I found out, I was furious with the few people that knew. I won't talk to them to this day. I feel they betrayed me as well.

One thing is for sure, you can't consider him a friend if you end up helping to keep him in the dark.
 
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