MsLonely

Emotional affair is not really cheating. It's more close to seeking validations from other opposite sex,that the spouse fails to give.
Sex was not the main target for emotional affair. It's a much more complicated emotional issue that reflex a long term problem to be communicated and resolved in the marriage.
It's much easier to have a PA than an EA. Sex is much easier to get. Save all the energy to be spent emotionally.
My husband had constant EA crisis, then he stopped. Then I had an EA for 3 year, I thought I was in love with the OM.
It's actually not love but imagination and self-validations that made me believe the OM is the best man to dream of.
Hard to explain but it can be solved.
You have to give your husband the love he needs, the sex he fantasizes and make him a very happy husband.
You're husband and wife, there's nothing shameful that he couldn't tell you.

shadz

i have to disagree with you when it came with emotional affair is not cheating !!! excuse me , the only one who suppose to give your emotions to is your husbend and vis versus.
cheating is not just accure if someone had complete sex with another , some times emotional affairs hurt more .

remember when someone marry another he/she suppose to give everything just for this person . don't try to justify what have done !!!

i agree with the rest.

MsLonely

Yes you're right but pls understand that faithful marriage won't just fall from the skies from the very first day of your wedding. The prince & the princess won't live in a happy life ever since.


It requires lots of effective communication and work.

To expect marriage itself is faithful & beautiful is a dream like fairy tale.

Marriage is not about locking a person in a jail and demanding that person to follow the rule of the games, to follow the vows of whatever ethic standards. Even professional players can be issued yellow cards. (pretty often)

It's not gonna work by judging, blaming and belittling the cheating spouse, telling what to do as if he/she's a dumb idiot. "Hey, you should feel shamed! Why did you cheat? You should do this! You shouldn't do that! How dare you hurt me like this?"

Maybe it makes you feel better but when communication & understanding are dead in the marriage, the EA will always come back.


It's a better idea if we can get to understand why your spouse cheats and investigate the problems in the marriage, and figure out how to solve them in a way that is acceptable to both the cheating spouse & the cheated.

Affairs are the results of every unhappy marriage. By the time you feel hurt after discovering the result,the damage and problem have been there in your marriage for a long time already.

Very simple example; we all know dogs are very faithful.
You refuse to feed the dog and how could you expect the dog not to search for food from other ppl? When the dog goes to find food from others, you call it, "Cheater! Bad doggie!"

Affairs = there's a need that the spouse fail to meet.

It won't make you feel good but it make sense.

Sex & love are the food of marriage. If you refuse to feed your spouse regularly, you can't expect he never gets hungry.

Not to justify cheating, but it's just a fact.

MsLonely

Months ago, I had an EA for 3 years, struggling a sexless marriage.
I won't justify my cheating but I was totally in a fog, I had no idea what to do until I discovered this forum. My sexual life was miserable at that moment and had been miserable for many years.

Ppl have helped me a lot by giving me advice, insights and judgements as well.

However, I was very inspired by some ppl here and from them I found my courage and ways to resolve my marriage issue.

I worked hard to fall back in love with my husband and got rid of the OM.

How hard it was when it's about ending an EA, the whole process and strugglings were all written here on my threads.

My marriage is now couldn't be better. Sexual life is hot, sweet and great. The OM has gone because I no more need his validations. My husband gives me lots of love & validations.


I'm still reading and giving ppl comments because I should return the favors that I have received here.

Everybody has different issues in marriage. In the end, they need to figure out the best way that works for their marriage.

My views of emotional affairs won't be correct.

Because when emotion is involved, I believe there's no correct answer for every question about emotion.

Emotional is a state of seeking validations. It's wrong but because people don't want to cheat physically, they go for emotional affairs. When they understand there's no hope in marriage, the emotional affair will become physical. That's probably the moment they are ready to end their marriage.

Michael1009

your lucky. My wife will not admit she is even doing anything wrong because sex isnt involved.
She said one day a month with her friend is worth more than a 23 year marriage and always puts our life second to her friendship.
She just said last night that if I ask her choose, she will choose the friend.
Yes she still says its not wrong.

Forgive him, love him, be glad he is sorry.

lordmayhem

Then she loves him more than you and your marriage. Let him take care of her then. You deserve better and not be someone's second choice. Time for you to kick her to the curb.

__________________
Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this
Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights
The Betrayed Spouse Script
Just Let Them Go