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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 08-28-2011, 06:27 PM   #331 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't know what to do
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I do see what you're saying, but I also feel like a broken record - all I have done is say how I feel and it just doesn't seem to matter. I am house sitting for a friend and haven't been home in 5 days. I guess out of sight out of mind for him.

I'm so afraid to lose him and start over, but how am I being fair to myself to let him continue to do this stuff to me?
I haven't read the whole thread so I apolgize, but I did notice that it's been going on for months.

It's terrible to be so afraid to make the change that you need to, but feel paralyzed to make. BTDT. I'm sorry you find yourself in that spot, but yet you can get out from under this if you choose to. You are stronger than you realize, I mean look at what you've survived so far.
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:15 PM   #332 (permalink)
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I do see what you're saying, but I also feel like a broken record - all I have done is say how I feel and it just doesn't seem to matter. I am house sitting for a friend and haven't been home in 5 days. I guess out of sight out of mind for him.

I'm so afraid to lose him and start over, but how am I being fair to myself to let him continue to do this stuff to me?
IMO...NOW you are beginning to ask the right questions. And THESE questions need to be relayed to HIM.

The story of the unhappy wife who endures and endures...and then finally, with absolutely no love left for her husband...who leaves him...and all the time he frankly had no idea.

The ONLY times I've seen a successful ending is when the wife tells the husband BEFORE she completely falls out of love, that she will leave if he doesn't change.

Are you willing to do that?
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:22 PM   #333 (permalink)
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There are so many factors. It's not just that he cheated and lied about things. But now there's a baby and he's so set that it's his without proof yet (unless he's lying about that too).

I can't just try and work on the cheating and forgiveness, but the fact that this child will always be around now too.

I'm just so angry with him!
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:26 PM   #334 (permalink)
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snowy, that isn't the real issue.

The real issue is that he CHEATED ON YOU and now he is not DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

He is still cheating on you - even if just emotionally.

Until you stand up for yourself, you will aways be THIRD in your relationship. Or FOURTH.
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:28 PM   #335 (permalink)
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If he really cared about YOU and not HIMSELF - this woman AND her child would be way way way way way back in the background of y'all's lives.

But it isn't.

And I know why.

Because he cheated, you took him back, and caused him no trouble.

You are just the woman who occasionally gripes but is COMPLETELY CONTROLLABLE in his life. You're the fly bugging around his head, as he lives the life he wants to live.

Is that who you want to be?
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:32 PM   #336 (permalink)
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No it's not who I want to be. I've tired the whole "if you can't change what you're doing and show me I'm first I'm leaving" but it hasn't done anything.

Two weeks ago he was pretty drunk and we we coming home from a wedding, he broke down crying in the car saying he was so sorry and hated himself for what he did. He cried once when the bride and groom had their first dance too. I don't know how to take this...
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Old 08-29-2011, 12:13 AM   #337 (permalink)
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fwiw, I believe him. I believe he has doubts. We ALL do. We ALL hate ourselves and have a constant fight over how to move forward.

But it's our choices that determine who we are. If his choices don't put YOU first, ahead of OW, ahead of BC, then he is the wrong man for you.
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Old 08-29-2011, 12:39 AM   #338 (permalink)
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I feel he means it too... I am just so confused with all this.
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Old 08-29-2011, 09:52 AM   #339 (permalink)
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I feel he means it too... I am just so confused with all this.
Whose name did she put on birth certificate for father?
Snowy, it's time. You've been disrespected far too long. Lie after lie. Did I read he also cheated a few years before her too? How did that end? Did you catch him? Are you sure he got the STD from her?
He does what he wants and plays dumb when caught. 'oh, I got a secret second cell to contact her privately from you. You're not ok with that? Oopsy, my bad'
Ever hear the saying, 'for every rat you see, there's 50 more'? I think that applies to you.
You sound like a thoughtful, loving, caring, smart woman who just hooked up with the wrong man too young. You don't deserve this.
This crazy lady lied from day one. I just had my 4th baby and her heartbeat, ultrasound crap was just crap.
Your best bet may be to just walk away for now. Tell H until you get paternity results back from clinic (not passed through crazy lady's hands), don't call me. That stand should have happened long ago. He wouldn't do it to her, so you had to do it to him.
Your husband is really discounting your feelings here.
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Old 08-29-2011, 10:03 AM   #340 (permalink)
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Snow, I am sorry you're still in this predicament.

When do you get the paternity results?

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snowy, that isn't the real issue.

The real issue is that he CHEATED ON YOU and now he is not DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
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Your best bet may be to just walk away for now. Tell H until you get paternity results back from clinic (not passed through crazy lady's hands), don't call me.
with both of these posts.
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:39 PM   #341 (permalink)
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He just text me and said he spoke to the dr and has the results, he also asked that they be sent to him in the mail so he has it in print too.
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:43 PM   #342 (permalink)
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He just text me and said he spoke to the dr and has the results, he also asked that they be sent to him in the mail so he has it in print too.
Is it his baby?
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:47 PM   #343 (permalink)
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Just got another text, yes it's his.
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:49 PM   #344 (permalink)
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Just got another text, yes it's his.
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Hugs.
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Old 08-29-2011, 02:51 PM   #345 (permalink)
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Just got another text, yes it's his.
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Snowy, I'm so sorry!
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