turnera

You should be angry. He's one of those people who just does what he has to do to get what he wants, and what's good for someone else never enters his mind. Tell him that if he can stay celibate and dateless for 6 months, to prove himself, then maybe you'll consider him again.

Shaggy

Snowy, no one who was worthy of your love would act the way he has. Time for you to upgrade.
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snowy13

That's what I told him... how can I believe what you're saying now when you have said it time and time again and nothing changed.

Turnera, that's a possible suggestion, we'll see how hard he keeps pushing this over the next few days.

turnera

Some people lie at the drop of a hat to make their lives easier. Other people make up promises, the same way. Yours is the latter.

Or both.

Jellybeans

Snowy, he is lucky you didn't go psycho on him and bust all the windows out of his car (Note: I am NOT advocating this, but it seems like a fun fantasy)

Seriously. He's such a trollop.

I'm not surprising his spinning now. He has neve rknown WTF he has wanted. release yourself from this man. You deserve better. he can't even follow one train of thought. Geez--you moved out an dnot a week later he's "single" all over the internets and having the nasty OW over at your marital home. What a turd.

Let them have eachother. It truly is the best revenge.

His conscience will catch up with him eventually. Not now because he's still vacillating and hasn't felt fully waht he's done and is busying up free time with teh skank married other woman/babymomma. But eventually, the weight and gravity of what he has done WILL come down on him hard. It will suck for him. A guilty conscience is a motherf-cker.

snowy13

It's hard and definitely messing with my emotions. He went from letting her come there, adding her on facebook, to deleting her from his account along with the mean comments and has been texting and e-mailing me for two days.

Jellybeans

What? What kind of things is she textingyou? Don't write back to her! Let us know what she's said and we'll help you respond.
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snowy13

Sorry, I mean my H has been texting. I really want to say something to her but that's probably taking the low road.

I have not heard a word from her since I first found out last winter and sent her a mean e-mail.

turnera

Have you considered that maybe you need to go to Plan B? He is eating cake, even if it's just through texts and emails.

snowy13

What do you mean?

turnera

If you know that you can never accept him as he is, that you are only in pain seeing him without him coming back hat in hand, that life is better moving on than hanging around hoping he'll some day choose you...your best option is to go dark - to Plan B. It entails writing him a letter saying you are moving on, unless he comes to his senses, and that you are saying goodbye.

You have to be ready; you only get one shot. But it's a very powerful tool - for you AND for him. Giving a Plan B letter gives you back the power he stole when he cheated. It lets you have your self respect back. And it keeps him from eating cake by having you AND his HO feeding his ego.

Jellybeans

Snowy--don't waste your time emailing her. She is not worth any of your time, words, or emails.

As for him, file for divorce and be done. He is nowhere near being ready to make things right with you (if that is even what he wants). He is still acting like a fool who wants the best of both worlds.

snowy13

I told him that today, I said he has had two extremes when it comes to his behavior in the last two weeks. First, very clear he was single, staying with the OW, etc. Then suddenly remorseful and saying how much he wants me back.

I told him he needs to back off.

Jellybeans

I am glad you told him that. It's true. He is spinning his wheels and has been for a long time.

You deciding what YOU need right now and telling him is very good for you and your self-esteem. It lets him know you respect yourself and sets a path for you to follow.

Limbo sucks so it's good you've taken the bull by its horns and set out what you need right now.

Jellybeans

Call up old friends, grab lunch with a girlfriend, exercise, get sunlight, treat yourself to new panties and perfume.