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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Don't know what to do

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-19-2011, 10:13 AM   #91 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't know what to do

Good to hear. Work on complete honesty without fear of recrimination. And work on the Love Buster questionnaire.
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Old 03-25-2011, 09:36 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't know what to do

What is the love buster questionnaire?
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Old 03-26-2011, 08:46 PM   #93 (permalink)
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If you go to marriagebuilders.com you can find the Love Buster questionnaire and the Emotional Needs questionnaire. And an explanation of why they work.

It's like a 'love bucket' - if you LB your spouse, you make them unhappy. Like my husband leaves his dirty Qtips all over the house. Each time I see one, I'm a little bit more unhappy with him, because he knows I hate it and he does it anyway. That's an LB that he does to ME. LBs poke holes in your love bucket.

Anyway, you can meet as many Emotional Needs as you can, but if you are still LBing your partner, you're poking those holes, and the ENs (the good things) just flow right out of the holes - no matter how great you are, those LBs get in your way.
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Old 03-28-2011, 12:02 AM   #94 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't know what to do

ok for one, you can get ultrasound pictures off the internet. The other woman is playing both of you. She will not get proof from a dr and all it is is a piece of paper with her name, and estimated due date and the last day of her period.

Your husband need to stop talking to her period. Chance are she is not pregnant or she is pregnant with someone else's baby, but i am guessing it is a bunch of crap.

You should tell your H to stop taking to her, change numbers, email everything. If he doesn't then leave. I know it is easier said then done, but how will things move on unless you put your foot down.
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Old 03-28-2011, 04:26 PM   #95 (permalink)
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I am fed up! No more hiding or being a chicken - I am contacting the OW H, or ex H, who knows anymore. She contacted my H yet again saying her ex has been contacting me. Um, wrong, I have never received anything from him. I am so tired of her doing everything she can to try and hold on to my H! But I'm going to take a step back and think through what I should say and not just send him something in an angry rage. I know there have been suggestions before but I am looking for some direction on what to day. How detailed do I get - do I just touch the surface of it or lay it all out there?
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Old 03-28-2011, 04:34 PM   #96 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't know what to do

Just calmly and politely inform her H, her family, and anyone else who will listen what she's been doing and ask them to help you save your marriage by talking to her.
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Old 03-28-2011, 08:48 PM   #97 (permalink)
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The only person I have found is her H, but I know it's a start.
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:00 PM   #98 (permalink)
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Would anyone be willing to read what I am planning to send to the H if I sent it to you as a private message?
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:10 PM   #99 (permalink)
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^ Ya. Go for it.
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Old 03-29-2011, 08:37 PM   #100 (permalink)
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I still believe (and pray) that she is lying. However there have been some recent things happening that are making it harder for me to hold on to that. This is a large reason I am trying to get over my fear and contact the H. I did find him on facebook and he is no longer listed as married and even posted something about "any single ladies out there?"
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Old 03-30-2011, 06:43 AM   #101 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't know what to do

i am in a very similar situation, although the OW has only said shes pregnant after my H ended it with her. She says shes booked in for a termination but not to tell me anything. Her exact words were "bury this". but he told me everything and whilst my world as i knew it is falling apart i cant helpthinking that she is lying also. there are many things that dont add up, they only had sex 2 times 4 weeks ago and has known she was pregnant for over a week! Also my H and i have been trying for a second bby for 2 years with no sucess and i have just been given the all clear from fert doc. I really hope it isnt true, its the worst possible situation to be in. Thank god i found someone on herethats going through it too.
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Old 03-30-2011, 10:26 PM   #102 (permalink)
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honeybum - I'm sorry to hear you are going through this as well. I agree, this is such a terrible thing to go to, but if there is a silver lining, there is someone else in a similar situation, as you said, which to me is helpful because they can understand more. Feel free to private message me any time if you want to talk. I am also trying to figure out how true this really is - I know anything is possible, but they had a one night stand - I know it can only take one time, but what are the chances?
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Old 04-02-2011, 11:47 AM   #103 (permalink)
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Update - I finally found the courage to contact the OW's H, but when I went to send a message to him there was one there from a few days ago from him? Feeling kind of dumb, I never saw it. I did reply with questions so we'll see what he answers. His original was very brief but the one thing that stood out was that he said she was 5 months along... I know time can never be 100%, but if the slept together the end of Nov. that wouldn't be 5 yet, am I correct?
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Old 04-02-2011, 12:02 PM   #104 (permalink)
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Default Re: Don't know what to do

Let's say they slept together Nov 30, she would have found out she was pregnant her next cycle, so end of Dec, early Jan, so yeah, From the end of Nov to end of March is only 4 months...methinks the lady got pregnant by her husband, and is pulling your husbands chain.
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Old 04-02-2011, 12:39 PM   #105 (permalink)
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That is my thought too. I know the day they slept together because he told me he was out with the guys and I found out a week later she was in town and she even posted a picture of the two of them at a party! I'm hoping to get some clearer answers from the H.
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