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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Hopefully it's not too late

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-27-2011, 10:20 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hopefully it's not too late

I don't really see the point in counterfiling for adultery except to piss her off even further... I asked lawyer abt alienation of affection but would cost another 5000 dollars
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Old 01-27-2011, 11:16 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hopefully it's not too late

So far she has slipped divorce papers under your door--so my guess is that she prepared them herself and did that to scare you....

...and she has motioned the court for an injunction, she says. For civil injunctions she must file a motion for a hearing before a judge, setting forth good reason why she believes an injunction should be issued by the court. The papers are served on the defendant and ultimately the court will review the motion and schedule a hearing on the matter in which the judge will rule on the motion. Have you seen this supposed "motion"?

Finally, even if she DID file a motion for injunction, all you would need to do is file a petition with the court in which you must set forth the legal reason(s) why the injunction should be lifted--things like "I asked for a copy of her company email contents and you can see your honor I sent one email in X weeks. Here is a print out of that email. You can see there's no threat, no anger, nothing. I told her I was thinking of her. Thereafter it was another month before I wrote another and here is a print out of that one. It asked about a certain joint bill we had to deal with. As you can see there is no legal reason for this injunction and I ask that it be lifted."

I think it's all smoke, mirrors and threats myself so you leave her alone and let her carry on her affair with interference.
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Old 01-28-2011, 12:14 AM   #63 (permalink)
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ABC, Dude, In my opinion, Your marriage is deader than fried chicken. BUT, if you still want to try to "save", it, listen to Pete and Affaircare about the legal aspects of what has been happening. Sometimes I disagree with them, but they have a great fund of knowledge about divorce issues............ First, did you , in any recordable way, admit to her that you recieved the divorce papers? If she can prove that you got them, you have a far weaker case. If you've told nobody (but your lawyer) then you can ignore them. Just say that you saw some trash on the floor and without looking at it, threw it away. If she is going to serve you papers, she is going to have to do it in a legally verifiable way. Second, at this point, you've nothing to lose, so out her and OM to every person you know, including ALL of his bosses and co-workers. Make it tough on them to conduct the affair. If it becomes too hard or embarrassing, then a lot of the "fun", will be taken out of it, and maybe some of the fog will lift. Third, if and when you DO talk to her, tell her NOTHING concerning divorce-related items, only talk to her about reconciliation, and be honest and truly try to communicate with her. Carrot and stick......publically, you make it hot for them, privately, you show your loving, reasonable, affectionate side.
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Old 01-28-2011, 11:41 AM   #64 (permalink)
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I agree that it's deader that fried chicken but it doesn't hurt to try except that it'll take me a bit longer to move on
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Old 01-31-2011, 07:11 PM   #65 (permalink)
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I agree that it's deader that fried chicken but it doesn't hurt to try except that it'll take me a bit longer to move on
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Her parents are going to suggest she get counseling because they believe she has changed mentally. Any thoughts on individual counseling helping to stop an affair?
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Old 02-02-2011, 01:31 PM   #66 (permalink)
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I agree that it's deader that fried chicken but it doesn't hurt to try except that it'll take me a bit longer to move on
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You have nothing to lose, so why not pull out all the stops? Good luck, I hope things work out.
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Old 03-10-2011, 07:16 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Haven't posted in awhile...my wife still continues to be extremely angry about exposure...i finally spoke to her on the phone after almost 6 weeks of no contact...does not want to meet up for coffee or anything...she is cleaning up loose ends such as closing our joint bank account etc...lawyer is dragging divorce per my request...affair continues although she says repeatedly it has nothing to do with the divorce which i'm assuming is fog babble (although we did have problems before all this which i'm working on)...anyway any suggestions of how to proceed..thanks
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Old 03-11-2011, 01:17 AM   #68 (permalink)
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She stated that she got a lawyer and filed for divorce today. States that she will pursue legal action if I expose at work. I said I will sue him for alienation of affection. She called me frantically today, worried and crying that if I expose the OM he will lose his job and ruin the rest of his career. I stated that I wasn't planning on exposing her. I still care about her and am trying not to hurt her. She said by doing this to OM I am hurting her. She is soooo worried about him. States that her filing for divorce has nothing to do with him, but due to he feelings of not being treated well for all those years. Then I said I want to make his life a living hell, and will do whatever I can to ruin his life. Granted my feelings change daily if not hourly, but at this point I dont know if what I'm doing is right or even worth it at this point.
You seem to be acting a bit like a bully right now. I don't think that will get you the desired results. Doing what you can to ruin his life will not bring your wife back to you, quite the opposite I would guess, and will likely make you look like a crack pot. This is not about the om, it's about what she believes was missing in the marriage. If it was not him it would have been someone else.

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Old 03-11-2011, 08:23 AM   #69 (permalink)
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I wrote that post about two months ago...so that's old news...
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Old 03-11-2011, 12:07 PM   #70 (permalink)
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She also states she doesn't want to take the chance that we will have a bad argument ever again...i've told her we won't but she doesn't trust me she says...she actually doesn't have a reason not to trust me because i have literally never lied to her in our relationship but she keeps saying the affair has nothing to do with it and it's because of all the stuff i did and she never wants to take a chance it will happen again.

I've told her she will have arguments with any relationship but she doesn't listen..

Any suggestions?
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Old 03-11-2011, 12:24 PM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hopefully it's not too late

Who made the contact, did you call her. If so ....it sound like you will need to contact her in another six week.

If she was the one that made contact then let her know that what ever she wants to discuss she will need to to it in person.

Other then that, you know you can't control what she will or will not listen to. So why both speaking to her at all...thats why we hire lawyers.

So in the mean time if you called her then stop and just wait and see. She my call you the next time, and if she does then this may give you that oppertunity to call for an in person meeting.
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Old 03-14-2011, 01:00 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: Hopefully it's not too late

so anything new?
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Old 03-14-2011, 05:46 PM   #73 (permalink)
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i made the point to trying to educate her about the "fog" that didn't go over so well

Also she keeps saying she doesnt trust me to stop arguing with her that I used to even though I say I won't (i have never lied to her during our relationship) and I promised...

Then I told her I really don't trust her because all the times she lied about the affair

And then she said I'm the liar because i got a private investigator and snooped in our phone records (i know doesn't make sense)

Now she refuses to talk to me again...I can't bring anything up without her getting angry...and she doesn't want to "small talk" , only wants to talk about divorce related stuff...

Running out of ideas...
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Old 03-14-2011, 09:29 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Dude just let her go! SHE doesn't want anything with you anymore. You should expose the jackass, she's mad at you anyway, right?
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Old 03-14-2011, 11:18 PM   #75 (permalink)
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i'm moving across the country in three months anyway so that's my end date...i figure might as well try until then...i'm not a quitter

just need to get her out of the "fog"...at least don't give me BS reasons for leaving me...just tell me it's cause of him..but i'm still gonna try to get her back

the affair has been exposed as thoroughly as i can think of exposing it
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