01-12-2011, 11:28 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
| | Re: My Wife Cheated On Me- What Should I Do?
You have one step ahead of most guys and that your wife has made the statement "I will do what ever it takes"
From my experience I got through this crap by having my wifes password for all her emails, cell, FB,etc.. My wife is a server also so she gives me her reciepts from her drawer. The time she got to work and got her cash and the time she returned the drawer and left for work. This and the time she got home accounted for her were about. My wife has commited to being home with me while I heal.
Second important thing is spend alot of time together my wife understands that now is not the time for girls night out and that all her free time is spent with me. I mean she calls me when she gets to work, on her break, on her lunch, and when she is leaving work. We are in constant communication when we are away from each other.
So in short the consequences for her behavior.. she tells me the ugly details of what went on, she has no privacy, she has only one best friend and that is me, she accounts for her where abouts, and has givin her self totaly back to me.
My wife is so remorseful she does these things with out me asking, she just started doing them. See, she understood she was at a bad place in her life b/c I was neglecting her. So once she saw they I cared she started caring too. I guess I was luck.
It really is up to her to help you heal, she has to commit to the marriage 100%. She screwed up and now she has lost alot of privliges that she once had..that is if she truely is remoresful and wants you to forgive her.
Most folks get a wall and struggle thought this crap. I hope she understands that all walls most come down for you to heal and trust. My wife has excepted the fact that I will continue to "spy' on her and she has nothing to hide ther for I have full access to her.
One more important thing to remember, do not show her how weak you really feel, chick like confident and stong guys. Show her how confident you are by letting her know that you will not tolorate her past behavior anymore, and if you can't get the respect from her you will find it from someone else. No pleading no begging. Show her that you are a man who demands respect and if she truely means what she says then the things I mentioned above are none negotionable.
Set up your boundries that will protect you and your family and if she crosses them again... even though you love her you will not be so forgiving the next time
The main thing is we ( me and my wife) know why she (my wife) strayed and we changed both our behaviors to "do what ever it takes" to make it work.
I have a feeling when your wife sees the things she needs to do to help you heal you will have some walls with her. I see it so much on this form. I can only hope that she excepts the consequences and bears the responsibility of helping you heal. She thinks more in term of "we" then "me"
Mine did and its been better then it ever has been in the last 19 of years of marriage.