01-16-2011, 03:27 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
| | Re: my wife is clinically depressed and i cheated on her!
If you love your wife, you're probably going to have to get involved. I was diagnosed with depression years ago...I was carrying a majority load in the marriage...unfortunately, my husband is not willing to look at himself, much less commit to change...we will be finalizing our 2nd divorce in 23 days. I'm hitting depression the last couple of weeks, as are both our teenage daughters, because I HOPED something would change for the better or that someone from church would "take him aside" (the divorce relates to his getting caught in an affair. When I found out about the affair, the depression I'd been fighting lifted immediately and I had so much energy and realized I wasn't crazy (noticing his moodiness, etc). Even today, I wish that my husband would extend a hand toward fixing things, but that is false hope in our case, and I can no longer take the up and down my emotions are subjected to. So, if you love her, be prepared to get involved in her recovery. Be prepared to hear some irrational things about yourself and DON'T take them personally or argue. If she can trust you there, you stand a fair to good chance of getting to the real issues. Look at it like this: most affairs are not about real love, but that's how it feels to the betrayed spouse. But you can't get to the real issues there if you get hung up on the "apparent" one. BTW, I was attacked/molested when I was younger and never dealt with it. Don't know that's the case with your wife, but I started to feel that my husband wasn't approaching the sex right (he'd sort of prod my thigh, like he was "checking a rump roast to see if it was ready"), although we'd previously had a fantastic sex life. Plus I worried about our daughters as they grew older, activating the fears similar things would happen. I couldn't talk about it with my husband; although he knew I wasn't a virgin when we married, I hadn't gone into details. I had it in my mind he'd never look at me the same way if he knew. Hopefully you can get things worked out; I got a lot out of going to a support group as well-some do, some don't. But it can be difficult to remain strong and composed when your spouse isn't available to provide some emotional support, reinforcement or relief. I wish you the best...and stay far from those friendly women! You'll be doing yourself the biggest favor.