klab0001

How do people do this to each other, how did my wife do this to me? My story ... on Sept 24th I discovered that my W was having an A. We agreed to work on things for 6 months, on Sept 29th I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension, it's disease with no cure and at some 5 - 10 years it will kill me. On Oct 30th I discovered that they were still talking. In therapy she called it closure. They must suck at closure because just yesterday I discovered that they had been talking more on then off for the past 4 months, and meeting up. W says that it can not work between us because for the past 4 months I have been controlling and smothering and have not trusted her. Well no #$#@, does she think that she could pull the wool over my eyes and I would not see the red flags. She would get mad at me for questioning her whereabouts. Last night I told her that I was talking to the OM's W and she got mad at me, are you kidding me. Both of us are trying to pull our spouses out of the fog and save our marriage.
All of this is almost too much to handle, my health, the affair. She continued to talk to him after and while I have been going through so much. She says I can't make her happy and that she is not in-love with me. She says for the last 4 months she has been trying to make things work between us, trying to make me happy, herself happy but it does not work. Sorry, but it won't work if you are still with the OM.

Dan
Married 10 years
Two boys 6 & 1

turnera

Expose the affair to her parents and her siblings and her best friend. Tell them that you still love her no matter what she's doing, and that you need their help to help her see that she's tearing apart a marriage over a fantasy. Ask them to let her know - if they agree and are willing - that they will not welcome this intruder if she tries to replace you with him. THAT is what she needs to hear.

Read the book Surviving An Affair - you'll see that ALL the crap she's spewing is textbook script - every cheater says the same things. Just ignore it all. Focus on exposing the affair, cutting off her access to any money she could use to further her affair, and letting her know the circumstances under which YOU would consider letting HER stay with you.

These will include writing a No Contact letter to OM that YOU read and verify and send yourself; her handing over her phone and computer any time you ask for it, so you can VERIFY they are no contact; her willingness to attend marriage counseling (I recommend Dr Harley's weekends) to get your marriage back on track.

Let her know that, without these things, YOU don't want HER.

btw, her 'trying to make things work' didn't work because SHE WAS STILL CHEATING. You can't focus on two guys at a time.