Found out my wife cheated. What to do?
My wife and I have been together for 10 years. About five years ago, I had an affair with a woman I had briefly dated about 9 years earlier. The affair was a stupid thing to do, but at the time I was feeling like I needed space and told my wife so. The two of us determined to work on the relationship, but the affair happened anyway. The affair was a one-off physical encounter followed by about 6 months of an emotional affair. In truth, I was not really interested in this other woman; she really just flattered my ego. She was one of those women I had felt was out of my league. So when the opportunity presented itself, I took it, mainly for the 'bragging rights' that came with such a conquest. Again, it was stupid thing to do.
Long story short, a few months after the affair ended, my wife started a new job and got close to a co-worker at this job. She said she was feeling really low and that this guy made her feel alive. After about 3 months of dating, they had sex. My wife said she did this in retaliation for what I had done. She said she felt badly afterwards and stopped seeing this guy but that he kept texting and emailing her. I recently went through her emails and found lengthy transcripts of instant message conversations she had had with this guy more than two years after she said the affair ended. I was shocked at the intimate details in these messages as well as the frequent sexual innuendo. From what I can tell it does seem that the physical relationship ended when my wife says it did, but that the emotional affair continued for much longer.
Now, all of this came to light only recently after I pressed my wife to explain her relationship with this guy, who she had begun bringing up in our conversations five years ago. Since then, whenever his name came up, I would ask her about their relationship and she would deny that there was anything going on between them. Even when she did confess, she only mentioned the physical part of the affair. I had a sick feeling in my gut that she was lying, hence the reason I went through her email.
More than finding out about the affair, I am disappointed that my wife lied about this for so long. I really don't know what to believe when she explains certain events. I also found her retaliatory physical affair a bit childish.
Even though her affair happened some years ago (assuming the EA has ended, as she claims), I still feel angry and betrayed, and can understand now what she must have felt when I had my affair. Still, the new revelations have driven a wedge between us, and I don't know whether I should stay and try to work it out or move on.
Any advice would be welcome.