OK heres my story.Been married for 10 years,together for 12.Our marriage has had its ups and downs as any marriage does.My wife had one affair about 5 years ago with an ex she hooked up with on face book it lasted about 6 months.He eventually moved out of state and dumped her like a piece of trash.I know she went physical with him but i also suspect there were others.Going through her face book messages she was messaging every ex boyfriend and guy friend she ever had.she says she just wanted to "catch up" and was "curious to how their lives turned out" ok innocent enough but why did she have to include her phone number with every message? i mean married women aren't supposed to send their number to multiple men over the internet right? Im talking at least 10 different guys she sent her phone number to.Some were ex boyfriends some were just friends or so she says.Going through her mobile phone she had guys numbers under fake names for example "pete" would be listed as "amber" and so on.I became quite the detective over the course of this madness.I made the mistake of confronting too soon out of anger and she deleted everything face book messages,phone numbers,text messages so i only have proof of the one affair and she wont admit to anything other than what i can prove.
went to three different marriage counsellors and they all had the same script..Move on,forgive and forget,move forward,its in the past.Totally sided with her and made me out to be the crazy one for not "getting over it". Long story short i decided to stay and reconcile because we have a 4 year old boy together (yes had a paternity test done and he is my child).I have an older child from a previous marriage and i didn't want to re live the years of family court,child support,weekend visits,etc . Also for financial reasons if i leave now i would literally lose everything my first wife already gets almost half my paycheck so i would literally be screwed.
5 years later and it still haunts me every day.I have my good days and my bad days.I have nightmares and hold a lot of resentment towards my wife.Were basically civil to each other and co exist.I go through the motions like a robot.I told her ill never love her as my wife again and she's more like a friend or room mate at this point. My main problem is that i know she's still not telling me the whole story and never will and i'm forbidden to talk about it.Im not seeing any real remorse on her part she just tells me what i want to hear to get me to shut up.I do still sleep with her once in a while when i get horny (hey why not) figured i'd throw that in there.
Ok about me.. i'm 41,in great shape,and am a pretty damn good looking guy or so i've been told.I have a job where i meet attractive women everyday.I get at least 3 phone numbers a week without even trying.I've slept with a'lot of women this past couple of years. its become almost an addiction to me fueled by revenge and anger towards my wife,coupled with a huge male ego and crushed pride.I tell any women that i hook up with that i'm in a bad marriage and i'm just looking for a sexual thing and most of them are more than fine with that.Also the last 2 women i slept with were MARRIED.Im not saying what i'm doing is right just want some thoughts and feedback,I guess as the old saying goes..if you cant beat em...join em
You might have got some sympathy with a single revenge affair, but as a serial cheater you'll get nearly none.
.I tell any women that i hook up with that i'm in a bad marriage and i'm just looking for a sexual thing and most of them are more than fine with that.
This is called blame shifting. There are people here whose spouses said the exact same thing, ruined friendships and even took out fake restraining orders to keep up the charade. At this point, you are contributing to the bad marriage. Get a divorce because this is long past "revenge," "pride" and crushed male ego.
agreed..but judging by the mountain of evidence wouldn't you say that my wife was a "serial cheater" as well? Isn't whats good for the goose good for the gander ? Not looking for sympathy.
Yeah I feel horrible for the husbands of the married women who cheat after all I'm one of them !! I was a loving ,faithful husband before she destroyed our marriage.. Wanna talk about "blame shifting" how about how it was my fault that she cheated because I was working too much and didn't pay attention to her meanwhile her "jobless wonder" ex was there for her.. Believe me if I could financially do so and we didn't have a child I'd be long gone but I'm trapped .. We basically get along and co exist as long as im a good little bltch and keep my mouth shut so this is how I cope with it .. I told her the only way to save our marriage is to tell me the whole truth so I can get closure .. That ain't never gonna happen . Posted via Mobile Device
joseph242;9846194
My main problem is that i know she's still not telling me the whole story and never will and i'm forbidden to talk about it.
[/QUOTE said:
There's the reason why you life is in turmoil. I quote "I'M FORBIDDEN TO TALK ABOUT IT."
That said it all right there. She cheats, you know she did, she knows she did, you are pretty sure that there was more than one guy and she no doubt has been with multiple guys and wont fess up and YOUR FORBIDDEN TO TALK ABOUT IT.
Here's what you do IMO, make an appointment for a polygraph test and let her know that she either takes it or leaves. If she refuses, then you have your answer and then you can file for divorce and when she gets served, she'll know your not playing her game any longer.
Dude you got to take a stand sometime because you drawing a line in the sand and she's stepping over it and you draw another and it's the same thing. She wont stop unless you want it to.
Sure it has if they get caught .. Lol .. Brother I got news for you THEY ALL CHEAT !! Look at the thousands of threads on here and those are only the ones that get caught !! How many get away with it probably. 99% .. Never said what I'm doing is right by any means but it's how I cope .. Like I said if you can't beat em... Join em.. I'm done being a door mat Posted via Mobile Device
Does she know u r cheating? Is she ok with it? Is she cheating?
Do un care if she is cheating?
Why dont u get an open marriage? Posted via Mobile Device
You stayed purely for financial reasons, and so you wouldn't lose time with your son. Instead, what you are doing is teaching your son to be a terrible man, and making the financial problems ten times worse when the marriage finally does implode.
I feel terrible for your children, and for the families of the married women whose lives you are helping ruin.
Good point I agree with you on the first part .. However I had 2 one night stands with 2 different married women .. if they were hell bent on cheating they were gonna do it anyways with me or with someone else .. THEY ALL CHEAT GUYS !! WHY ARE WE ALL HERE ??? Posted via Mobile Device
I have a 20 year old son with my ex who I'm still paying child support to I was with her for 3 years.. I have a 4 year old son with my current wife .. Posted via Mobile Device
I don't know how to say this without earning a Ban, but I'm going to attempt it. Normally I'm OK with Revenge Affairs and in in your case I would actually support it; your wife deserves it. However, having the Revenge Affairs with married women and inflicting the same pain you went through on other Betrayed Spouses makes you a special kind of Reprehensible Individual. I don't have words that can be used here to describe my disgust.
Why don't you just get divorced and save everyone a lot of trouble.
Ok fair enough .. What if some super hot married chick approached you and said she wanted a purely sexual one time thing with you and you been through what I have which I'm pretty sure you have if you're on here .. Would you do it ? I'm not ruining anyone's life they approach me .. Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah funny man .. I'm sure I'm not the only guy she's chased after and you would have done the same I'm sure .. Also where was I bragging about it ?boy I guess I've found the holier than thou club !! Maybe I'll just go back to being a spineless little bltch and do nothing about it Posted via Mobile Device
My hubs ow had just gone through her hubbby cheating on her, when they cheated on me. That was one of the hardest things to deal with as she knew what it felt like, and he, hubby was there for her.
Whatever you want to do is your call, but just dont hook up with married, bc you do know what it feels like, pretty shi**y,huh?
So you are only staying for your child? Then why are you working 60+ hours a week and spending even more time bedding other women? If your child was so important to you wouldn't you be finding a way to be home more and spend less time in motel rooms?
She had her affair with her prison boy ex .. Spring/summer of 2009 . I found out much later by accident via facebook/text messages.. Had paternity test done and he is my child but I'm sure that could have gone either way .. She chilled out when she was pregnant then was once again trolling for men on the internet in 2011 .. Posted via Mobile Device
I feel so sorry for that kid. You are setting him up for a life of misery and you and that worthless wife of yours don't even seem to give a rat's ass.
I read every post of OP. and I'm wondering why he's here. I mean what's the point of this thread. he's using his own child as an excuse of being married to his wife. he's using his wife's behavior as an excuse for screwing with other people's lives. and every single post of his is written in a way that gets the most emotional reaction from other posters.
I'm not accusing anyone. I'm just saying what I'm seeing.
Originally just wanted to get some input on revenge affairs especially from the men here .. I figured I would get a better response . I mean were all here because we got screwed over right ? Our spouses ripped our marriages,family's, and hearts into pieces and show no remorse well at least my wife doesn't . I realize now that it's spiraled out of control . It was just my way of dealing with the situation . Posted via Mobile Device
ok well i know im gonna get nailed to the cross for this one but here it goes.I thought that maybe i would be a hero of sorts to some of my fellow men on here .were all here for the same reason ,we have all been betrayed.I remember the sleepless nights,severe depression,not being able to eat,spending hours going through computer files and cell phone records trying to find any shred of evidence to the point of absolute madness,literally breaking down in tears at work everyday,and basically wanting to die..sound familiar? yeah we all been through it or are going through it thats why were all here.
my wife's refusal to discuss this situation is driving me mad.Her attitude is" its over and done so lets move forward and thats it"If i bring it up she flips out.like i said the subject is off limits .I still think about it constantly,and have nightmares..in a true R,she would be honest with me and tell me everything that happened but she wont,and i would forgive her if she would just tell me the truth.I can never have any closure to this situation under these circumstances.
so i decided to give her a taste of her own medicine,it was my way of dealing with the pain.But you know what it didn't work because i feel worse than i did before and i've become a cheater myself. I realize now that my behavior sucks and i been hurting people, so i'm gonna stop i know its not right.
ok well i know im gonna get nailed to the cross for this one but here it goes.I thought that maybe i would be a hero of sorts to some of my fellow men on here .were all here for the same reason ,we have all been betrayed.I remember the sleepless nights,severe depression,not being able to eat,spending hours going through computer files and cell phone records trying to find any shred of evidence to the point of absolute madness,literally breaking down in tears at work everyday,and basically wanting to die..sound familiar? yeah we all been through it or are going through it thats why were all here.
Dude, I didn't critize your decision to have revenge affairs; In fact, I applaud it. But by sleeping with married women, you reduced yourself to a sleeze ball who is no better than your wayward wife. Understand the difference!
So if your really want to express your revenge you should tell your wife....after all isn't this against her actions to begin with....so rub her face into it....tell her everything and then you guys can both rug sweep it together....ultimately isn't that you really want to do....and what do you think her reaction will be? And since you have gone that far perhaps opening your relationship will at least bring some balance to you marriage....but I suspect your wife will go ballistic and she will divorce you....
I told her that I cheated on her for revenge.. No details she didn't want any.. She just said "I figured you would probably do that" that's just how she is .. She doesn't seem to care and shows very little emotion towards anything . Where I'm the total opposite .. She just wants to move forward and forget the past .. Posted via Mobile Device
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Talk About Marriage
4.9M posts
105.4K members
Since 2007
A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more!