Like many before, I'm a long time dweller, first time poster. I guess I just want to share my story, vent and see if anyone has something to add that I might have overlooked. I'm confident that I'll be called a beta, a rugsweeper, etc., but I can handle the criticism.
Both my wife and I are 38, she's 4 months older. We've been married for 15.5 years. She's gorgeous. I'm in shape and I guess I'm ok looking (lol) but I have confidence issues because I went bald at a young age.
We started dating when I was a senior in high school and she was a freshman in college. After dating for a couple years, we had a falling out and broke up. Our paths crossed again after being apart and we fell madly in love again. It was like we tested the waters and realized what we had. Soon after we got back together, bam - she was pregnant. My mother is Catholic, my father isn't very religious. Our families, particularly my mother, strongly encouraged me/us to get married. I was for it and figured that if we had gotten back together after being apart, we were clearly meant for each other. I was just finishing my bachelor's, we were fairly young and in the hustle and bustle, I perhaps made the biggest mistake ever... I didn't have a big, romantic marriage proposal. We got married and had our first boy, who is now 15.
Things seemed good for the first 5 to 7 years. I did, like many husbands it seems, take my wife for granted at times and maybe I didn't focus on our marriage as I should have. I was playing in a band, working 40 hours a week and hanging with my guy friends regularly. I would say I would do an "extra curricular" activity 3 times every 2 weeks. She had similar freedom to do things she wanted to do as well but I was gone more than she was. We also had another boy about 4 years after our first son was born. He's now 11. Both kids are incredible!
She started a new job. About 2 years into the new job (2008), I recall her telling me that this single guy from work had been texting her to ask her about a single female co-worker he was interested in. If I would have only known then what I know now after reading this forum... At the time, I didn't think much of it and I told her I appreciate her being up front about it. I was trying to be confident and show that I trusted her.
A few signs occurred between 2008 and August of 2011, when the crap hit the fan (aka d-day). Sometimes it just felt like something was off. One time she was out for a rare girl's night out and I saw pics of her without her wedding ring on. She said she wanted to wear a "fun" ring that didn't fit when the wedding ring was on. I told her that this wasn't ok; she apologized and said she didn't realize that it would offend me so much. Also, she was losing weight and looking great. I just figured she wanted to get back to her weight before having kids. In this time, our sex life was good in my opinion (2 to 3 times a week).
It was around May of 2011 when she told me that a co-worker who she was training asked her how her husband proposed. This co-worker was going to propose to his fiance. She cried on the way home that day. At this time, it seemed like she was becoming distant. I apologized and basically told her that I felt we both knew we were meant to be together, it was sort of a given, etc. This was like a slap in the face type of wake up call...
I'm typing this on my phone so I will post this and add more shortly.
Posted via Mobile Device
Both my wife and I are 38, she's 4 months older. We've been married for 15.5 years. She's gorgeous. I'm in shape and I guess I'm ok looking (lol) but I have confidence issues because I went bald at a young age.
We started dating when I was a senior in high school and she was a freshman in college. After dating for a couple years, we had a falling out and broke up. Our paths crossed again after being apart and we fell madly in love again. It was like we tested the waters and realized what we had. Soon after we got back together, bam - she was pregnant. My mother is Catholic, my father isn't very religious. Our families, particularly my mother, strongly encouraged me/us to get married. I was for it and figured that if we had gotten back together after being apart, we were clearly meant for each other. I was just finishing my bachelor's, we were fairly young and in the hustle and bustle, I perhaps made the biggest mistake ever... I didn't have a big, romantic marriage proposal. We got married and had our first boy, who is now 15.
Things seemed good for the first 5 to 7 years. I did, like many husbands it seems, take my wife for granted at times and maybe I didn't focus on our marriage as I should have. I was playing in a band, working 40 hours a week and hanging with my guy friends regularly. I would say I would do an "extra curricular" activity 3 times every 2 weeks. She had similar freedom to do things she wanted to do as well but I was gone more than she was. We also had another boy about 4 years after our first son was born. He's now 11. Both kids are incredible!
She started a new job. About 2 years into the new job (2008), I recall her telling me that this single guy from work had been texting her to ask her about a single female co-worker he was interested in. If I would have only known then what I know now after reading this forum... At the time, I didn't think much of it and I told her I appreciate her being up front about it. I was trying to be confident and show that I trusted her.
A few signs occurred between 2008 and August of 2011, when the crap hit the fan (aka d-day). Sometimes it just felt like something was off. One time she was out for a rare girl's night out and I saw pics of her without her wedding ring on. She said she wanted to wear a "fun" ring that didn't fit when the wedding ring was on. I told her that this wasn't ok; she apologized and said she didn't realize that it would offend me so much. Also, she was losing weight and looking great. I just figured she wanted to get back to her weight before having kids. In this time, our sex life was good in my opinion (2 to 3 times a week).
It was around May of 2011 when she told me that a co-worker who she was training asked her how her husband proposed. This co-worker was going to propose to his fiance. She cried on the way home that day. At this time, it seemed like she was becoming distant. I apologized and basically told her that I felt we both knew we were meant to be together, it was sort of a given, etc. This was like a slap in the face type of wake up call...
I'm typing this on my phone so I will post this and add more shortly.
Posted via Mobile Device