Bigwayneo

This does not really mean anything now, if anything it kind of makes me feel used. But I am 110% sure the whole purpose of my exbest friend/exroom mate moving in was to wait for a chance at my wife. He told her he had it in for her since they first met (on a date with me of course) 8 years ago. The way he acted and didn't help our marriage and kept things to himself when I asked if he knew anything. How he never mentioned to his "best" friend (we were like brothers) how bad my wife was getting, and what they talked about while I was work for the months before the A.....Argh, what a #@$@#$, I talked to his EX (who was a really good friend of my wife and I, she moved away) and found out he was still trying to get back with her as well. He is so messed up, the stories and things that keep poping up about him that no one knew. What a dill hole.

Edit to add: Figured I would just throw out my frustration on here, I almost started to with the wife, when I took a deep breath and thanked her for sharing more with me.

the guy

Good job wayne, the last thing you want to do is doing something that will shut her back down. keep a smile on your face and thanker for shareing...GREAT JOB.

Soon you will get to point were you have enough from her and you will find that the info you have is enought in that you stop thinking so much about the details and you will just have the ugly knolodge of "that it happened".

For me, it was several month after I confronted her and the whole best friend thing kept coming up in my mind. So on the 12 the day of the month (that was the day I confronted her 2/12/10) I asked the question and the answer tore me again, that is when I desided I had had enough and stopped asking.

Granted she on her own has mentioned some of her past....activities, but like you did, I just thanked her for sharing. I didn't judge her. I responded with some "hey thats interesting" or "then what did you do" kind of thing.

Point is I have moved on and healed a little more. But I have to tell you the interigation she indured in those 1st few months was crazy.
Man the stories I got out of her were.... lets say maybe I should have never promised that I'd stay. I mean I got enough out of her and know a year later I'm done. Done with the interigations that is.

She still has to account for her ever little thing and except the fact that I will be looking at her with a microscope. The thing is I look in the microscope a lot less as time moves on.

Something tells me even thought the interigations have stopped and I am snooping less and less. It will always be in the back of my mind the she has the capability to sleep around and I while always be on the look out.

I will always be looking out to make sure that we both treat each other with love.

Powerbane

Good job! Vent it out here.

Stay strong in her eyes! Angry outbursts are love busters/extinguishers. They drain the love tank and it's your goal to fill it!

Bigwayneo

Were can I find a list of these "love busters"? I have seen the phrase thrown around on this site (and a couple others) and would love to read them with her, and talk about them.

Well, one thing is for sure, as much as good guys finish last, the one thing I have going for me is an army of friends. The OM (ex best friend) honestly has no one to hang out with any more, and the girl he was staying with (another friend of mine) kicked his ass out. Pretty much homeless, I know I shouldn't but it does put a smile on my face.

*Thanks both of you for the great words!

disbelief

My 2 cents......... smile its OK there's worse you could do.

Powerbane

Love Busters = Love Busters - Marriage Builders

Really really good information here. I would recommend Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.

Affaircare.com is also good!

I know all about the Angry Outbursts! Big problem of mine. Now - instead of doing the angry outburst - I tell my wife to give me 5 minutes, that I'm struggling with my emotions and I'll be right back to discuss the issue. I go - come back and we hash it out. It's getting better.

I think you're doing fine. Smile and give her the best you that you can! I know sometimes all you want to do is scream and go crazy - but don't let that show.

Bigwayneo

Its not os much angry and frustrated. I am so glad I have good self control. My family has a bad history with tempers. Never hurting a person (at least from what I know) but all the males can get crazy angry over small things, and break all sorts of **** over it. My father for example, came home from a **** day at work, just to have no Iced tea made for him, and went balistic and destoryed the kitchen table, the fridge door, and then threw his model cars around. He is better now, but I guess my grandfather was even worse and my brother is so-so, if anything he breaks him self more then objects (had to get 3 screws in his knuclkles from punching a wall after finding out his GF of 3 years cheated on him). I on the other hand, have been insanly good abut my anger. It comes out once in a while, but the worse I have done is throw my laptop into some cloths (i meant to do it) and push over a book shelf once (The kids were not home, and this was when she droped the divorce talk on me.) But I for sure will be reading more about love busters, and have the wife read it with me as well. Thanks for the info!