Originally Posted by Elliemay
Thank you for your responses. I do admit I need strength. The relationship part of our marriage I feel is doing really well. I will try again to let him know what I'm feeling. I still worry about I need to be perfect or he might fall back. I have the fear if something isn't perfect she is waiting to jump in. That is why I want him gone from there. I do need to work on my confidence. I had a very hard time when I found everything out. I have gone through many stages in the last year and I know it has gotten a lot better for me.
I could have written this myself. It's been over a year since my husband's Emotional Affair (which included a few weeks of kissing and was on its way to a physical affair) with a woman he works with. I also wanted him to change jobs and as of now, he still works with her.
I have also told him that although everything is going great with us now, that the fact that he still sees her every day is making the healing much more difficult for me, especially where trust is concerned, but his consistent behavior has helped as time goes by. I felt I had to ask him if he's talked to her, if she's bringing up anything personal and dreaded doing it and a few months ago just decided I wasn't going to ask anymore.
I have done a lot of work on my self-confidence over the year and that has helped me more than anything else...he's actually shown some signs of jealousy recently, nothing serious and absolutely nothing for him to worry about, but just notices that I get noticed...which I hope is healthy (it's good for my ego anyway
) I have always felt lucky to have him as my husband and honestly now believe that he is lucky to have me as his wife and if he strayed at this point, well,
he'd be nuts!!!
So now from day to day, I rarely think about it...Then yesterday, he called and said he had a problem at work...hours went by and I finally called him...he was still there and didn't get home until 9:30pm. My mind started racing...what if she said something that sucked him back in. That's when I realized I'm still not 'over' it and I still have trust issues. Logically I thought, no way and was fine by the time he walked in the door...he was so worried that I'd be worried/upset...bah, I just felt at that point, I wanted him to be able to talk about his work problem and not have all this other junk mixed in.
So it's a long road...my husband is in charge of the dept where he works so finding another job wouldn't be easy or quick and I'd rather he be employed than not, so I haven't pushed it. The worst part was his office Christmas party...but I made it through that and yippie won't be long til the next one comes up and he skips outings outside of work that don't include spouses.
So I can sure empathize but I know getting another job can be easier said than done, although it would be the ideal route.
The best solution for me has been to work on myself and focus on my marriage...it builds confidence as you start to realize you have a great thing going. It's fruitless and has a negative effect to dwell on trying to compete with some unknown woman and you don't want to be like her anyway