Re: Just confronted her about him 10min ago
First off, I am sorry that you are going through all this pain and anguish, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I don't have reams of wonderful advice that most of the people on here can bestow on you, but I can tell you for my experience which is very little, that things can change very quickly. My H walked out 3.5months ago, he met someone online and travelled halfway around the world. When he returned, he thought everything was wonderful, he had his life plan set out and knew what he wanted.. I wasn't in that plan, neither were his 3 kids who he'd be leaving behind, because he was in love, she was perfect.. Affair fantasy... Forward wind 2 months, although we are still not together, all the things he had told me, were not all strictly true, he doesn't hate me, he does still love me, although I've had the I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you chesnut, but when he left I was the enemy. Affaircare and Eli-zor talked me through alot, and helped me understand about the fog, and the person he thought he was in love with, wasn't love, he's not with her.. it could never work...but in the affair fantasy it would be amazing, a match made in heaven...
I love my H and I want to work through our issues, but this means having patience, waiting for their fog to clear. Yesterday was the first time my H looked me in the eye and apologised for his behaviour. Right now, your wife 'thinks' she isn't doing anything wrong, to her it's all justified, she's not thinking clearly, she is your wifes evil twin.
Like everyone will tell you on here, (if you're like me) every piece of advice you'll find on the net, will tell you, let them go, work on you, get fitter, eat well, take care of you.. so much easier said than done I know, but out of self preservation you have to try.
I am only just learning that, this past Saturday, I was crying and wanted him home desperately, but do you know what, no matter what I want, my H will do what HE wants. Affaircare posted on my thread that I had to STOP my behaviour, get tough, let him learn what he is losing by his actions. I wasn't showing him what he was going to lose, I was just confirming why he wouldn't want to be in a marriage with me.
If you want her, tell her, tell her you're not giving up on her, you want your marriage, and you're willing to work on it.
But she needs to have NC with the OM, and commit to you 100%. It's so easy to fall into the begging, pleading trap where you just want your life back, believe me, I've done it several times and each time, got more hurt, felt like a fool and pushed my H away. I am now 'manning up' standing tall and not being a door mat.
I'm not telling you to give up on your wife, I am advising you to take a step back, regroup, think about you, your son, I've recently done the same, my children are 8,7, and 3 my elder two are on the talented and gifted register over here in the UK, that's the top 1% of the country, my daughter won an award, my H didn't even seem to care as when it happened he was with 'Her'. So I know it's difficult, but maybe you could sit him down and say your wife and you are not getting on at the moment, don't go into major detail, but explain you need a time out, just make sure he knows you both love him. My H walked out when his kids were sleeping and didn't see them for days, it was heart breaking.
Sorry for the epic response, I hope you can read through my waffle. You HAVE to go on, You HAVE to try and keep going, just live for each day. Go to school it may help you take your mind off it, just for a little while.
Take care xx
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Last edited by AmImad; 02-14-2011 at 11:29 AM.