my wife moved out yesterday (update)
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-18-2011, 09:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default my wife moved out yesterday (update)

My story is long, ridiculous, and floating around somewhere
like the title says, she moved out. I tried to post this as it happened but was having trouble with the site. I sat there as her and her sister packed her things into a truck and moved it to the place she's renting. This is something we decided together so it wasn't a shock. We decided it was best for us both individually. Each of our respective "halves" are super damaged and the whole can't function until this is fixed. I plan on stating therapy soon to help me through this.
Even though this was discussed it is still heartbreaking. My wife is gone and I am alone with my kids for half of the day. We're keeping them on the same schedule we are now. Working opposite shifts helps alot with that problem.
The biggest issue still is the presence of the OM. He's still around to be part of the baby's life and with her family past, this is not open for debate. I'm sure he'll mess it up, but for now it's a problem. She already can't stand him and
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:26 AM   #2 (permalink)
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They argue constantly, so that's a small consolation I guess. I love my wife to a fault. I've looked every which way of foolish throughout this whole thing. I don't think my dedication to someone I love can be questioned. I'm also not dumb and this will never happen with her or anyone again. I have more then enough issues because of this.

So now it's on to fixing myself. I've already made some selfish purchases and have made plans to go to Chicago for a concert and see the Cubs play in May. I am excited as to what I can do by myself. This is really the first time I've been on my own ever. I am very sad, heartbroken, and upset that it came to this
It's difficult to stay upbeat, but I see more of the old me in myself and so do my friends, whom I've leaned on exponentially through this. I guess I'm just posting to feel better about watching the only love I've had move out of our life.I dunno, but this is kind of theraputic, thanks for reading, I'll update when things start happening, hopefully alot and often
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Old 02-18-2011, 11:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife moved out yesterday (update)

Ya this wont mean much but I'll say it any way, cheer up.

Things are looking down but keep in mind that its not how we get knocked down that matters, it how we get back up that counts.

Things will look alot different in the next few days and you will make it through.

You can go to bed knowing that you did your best with the cards that were dealt to you. It is a tough thing you went through and God bless you for trying. A weak man could not have gone through what you went through, so you diserve to keep your head up high and be confident that you are stronger then most and you will have learned so much from this crap.

Good luck man your W will and is regretting this so I would like to say sorry for that.
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Old 02-18-2011, 06:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife moved out yesterday (update)

I will make you this guarantee. Whether it makes you less sad or not I don't know. You will be happier then her. You have the ability to find someone and be content. She does not. Because she is not happy with herself. Do not take her back. Live you life, find a good person to invest it in and be happy. Please check in often.
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife moved out yesterday (update)

I am assuming your wife had the OM's child? I will search around to see if I can find your original post with your story.
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife moved out yesterday (update)

I think I found it, if you love her I guess do what you can, and if you can find it in your heart to accept the baby as your own, then make a go of it, it takes an amazing man to do accept a child born under those circumstances. I am really really hoping for a happy ending here. If you decide to get back together and make a go of it, maybe have OM sign off rights??? That way you can have him out of your lives, someday the child would have to know the truth, but at least he/she would have a wonderful stable family, with an amazing father that the baby deserves. It never ceases to amaze me with stories on here, I never realized until the last couple months the amount of people that are in this whole mess, when it comes to infidelity.

Last edited by paramore; 02-18-2011 at 07:20 PM. Reason: adding to post
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Old 02-27-2011, 05:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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He will not sign rights away. He likes the title of dad to show off too much. It's being dad is where the problem lies.

Quick update..I told my wife Friday I wanted a divorce. I've been working 12 hour days, 3am-3pm, Thursday night it was snowing and I offered that instead of driving to my place to pick our kids up and then back to hers, that she just stay with me instead of driving. She made many excuses so I just said whatever, forget it.
Early the next morning I drove past her place on my way to work and his car was here. No lights on or anything, so I called at 3 in the morning,caught her in her lies, and went off on her. I'm pretty sure there was no sex involved but I won't blindly accept that. My kids were in the next damn room and could have walked in on that.
I was so pissed that I left work early and came over to her place, sat down, and said I am going to file for divorce. You obviously can't be trusted with anything involving my feeling and heart and I won't do it anymore.
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Old 02-27-2011, 05:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I put myself through alot of hell for this amrriage and this woman, and the first chance she got she treated me like I and all my efforts were nothing.
We talked for a good 5 hours about everything and I am going to look into my options for filing. We agree on everything that needs done so we're going to do this without lawyers.
I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders and chest. It's a strange feeling I have now. My mourning process was long ago and I just feel calm and at peace with this. I didn't expect it.
Of course now she is regretting what happened and is trying to make amends, but it's too late. I told her if this ever worked between us it would be many years away and after she showed me drastic changes in her life and personality.
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Old 02-27-2011, 06:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife moved out yesterday (update)

I am sorry Josh
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Old 02-28-2011, 01:10 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by josh1081 View Post
I put myself through alot of hell for this amrriage and this woman, and the first chance she got she treated me like I and all my efforts were nothing.
We talked for a good 5 hours about everything and I am going to look into my options for filing. We agree on everything that needs done so we're going to do this without lawyers.
I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders and chest. It's a strange feeling I have now. My mourning process was long ago and I just feel calm and at peace with this. I didn't expect it.
Of course now she is regretting what happened and is trying to make amends, but it's too late. I told her if this ever worked between us it would be many years away and after she showed me drastic changes in her life and personality.
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Stand strong, Space Monkey.
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:10 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife moved out yesterday (update)

Josh...i felt the same peace when H. told me this is it...he doesn't want me....just went numb...and somehow relieved...
than of course 2 hrs later he Emails me and says that he is still confused and felt nauseous after we talked...so i'm still waiting on his final decision...slowly though i realize that i deserve waaaay better...the only way why i still tolerate him is that i know there is no OW...if there was there wouldn't be a chance...

But i just want that final say so we can all move on...

So sorry that you've waited that long for her and in the End it was all for nothing...
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Old 03-01-2011, 03:05 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife moved out yesterday (update)

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Originally Posted by josh1081 View Post
I put myself through alot of hell for this amrriage and this woman, and the first chance she got she treated me like I and all my efforts were nothing.
We talked for a good 5 hours about everything and I am going to look into my options for filing. We agree on everything that needs done so we're going to do this without lawyers.
I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders and chest. It's a strange feeling I have now. My mourning process was long ago and I just feel calm and at peace with this. I didn't expect it.
Of course now she is regretting what happened and is trying to make amends, but it's too late. I told her if this ever worked between us it would be many years away and after she showed me drastic changes in her life and personality.
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I think that is a good decision on your part. You need to be true to yourself and your kids, she seems to flip flop at best may be playing you at worst.

As for the no lawyer thing be careful with that, I would at least do some searching and have a lawyer in mind in case you need one, Are you going to go to a mediator? I would at least have a lawyer look over the settlement agreements and custody part of your divorce if you do them on your own.
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Old 03-02-2011, 08:14 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Well the custody thing isn't a problem. We work opposite shifts from each other so when one has the kids, the other is at work, and vice versa. She has already told me that she won't go after me for child support as long as I pay on the debt we owe. She really can't take on that much more financial burden, and the benefits of getting support from me don't outweigh the financial drag down of helping our debt. Plus I'm paying on that already so it's no different then now anyway.
for the most part we are very agreeable with normal every day things. This is one aspect of her I trust her not to go astray on. Just about the only part of her I can.
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Old 03-02-2011, 08:21 PM   #14 (permalink)
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And that part is a deal breaker. Sorry Josh! Who knows, maybe you find the real one out there. The one that wil actually live their vows and take precautions to protect what they have. You may also find that one who will do that and also tell you when you're screwing up and not run around like this one did.

I've seen you grow past all the crap. Stay strong brother!
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Old 03-02-2011, 09:03 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Well the custody thing isn't a problem. We work opposite shifts from each other so when one has the kids, the other is at work, and vice versa. She has already told me that she won't go after me for child support as long as I pay on the debt we owe. She really can't take on that much more financial burden, and the benefits of getting support from me don't outweigh the financial drag down of helping our debt. Plus I'm paying on that already so it's no different then now anyway.
for the most part we are very agreeable with normal every day things. This is one aspect of her I trust her not to go astray on. Just about the only part of her I can.
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Be very careful with this. Most states don't care what sort of agreement the formerly married parties come to when it comes to child support. When your divorce is finalized, unless you have a 50/50 shared custody plan in place and on paper, the state will decide how much support you need to pay to her and will mandate that you pay it. Oh, and you'll be paying it to them, and they'll be taking out a "small processing fee", and forwarding the rest on to her. You should at least look into how your state works these things and if you refuse legal counsel, be wary.
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